[continued] -...And that same girlyou'll find her goneMight see a glimpse at duskbut it's gone by dawnDo you now see, my friendthat yes, for her, it is the endBut you and Iwe are still hereteaching otherthere is something to fearYou might feel like nothinglike she once feltdrinking and slowly dyingis how she dealtDon't follow her leadturn your head awaytake the right pathand live to see another day.(C) ELaine 2009
Hold your head up highto make it through the dayDon't listen to the liesdon't listen to what they sayThey taint your mind, your body and lifecausing you grief, hurt and strifeAvoid the crowds with bustling noisetalking they're secrets between girls and boysThey whisper to each other, smiling as they dothey push and glove, snickering to youBut plug your ears and walk awayyou will powerfulAbove them someday.(C) ELaine 2009
When the quiet creeps 'roundslowly, yet with easethe night is filled with evil,greed and hate and sleazeThe darkness shimmerswith a maddening smilethe sleep tainted scaredthe awakening vileThe moon stares downwatching us allthe creatures come outto they're sickening callWith slowly parting lipsgleaming red, sharp and brightthey hold you under,against your mightbecause the stars gleam upon uslike shining, singing hymn,the evil doesn't carethey'll rip you limb from limbWhile all gods and The Godcould banish them to Hellthey still let the evil lurk,the insanity dwell (C)ELaine 2009
You see her there,all wasted awayDying Slowlyday after dayThere they are, the shadows on her faceCovering her bodyin a quickening paceShe's gone in the eveningsdead in the morningthe drinks she devours she's quietly hordingSomeday she won't wakethen forever asleepShe drowned by the influence,dragged down deep (C) ELaine 2009
She knows nothing, absolutely nothing
She spun me around and everything was a blur. I could feel something in my mouth, my fist.
I was gagging myself,
Soft warm liquid ran over my palms
And I screamed!
Screamed!
Her hands were acid on my skin, pressing further into my body.
“No, no, no!” I said, moving away. She couldn’t reach further into my soul.
I covered my ears, not wanting any of my thoughts spilling out.
I felt my head lolling side to side, was she shaking me? But my neck was numb
And I giggled, chocking.
The people around me
All the people that loved me, I was killing.
Slowly, I was burning them one-by-one
Scaring them, they could see the hollowness in my eyes, the absolute nothing in my heart.
And I stared at nothing, but I could see my mom back away, crying.
She was screaming “No, no, no!” just like I was! But she was afraid of me,
Or sad at what I’ve become.
Letting them see me go slowly insane, melting into walls, becoming nothing
They wanted nothing more than a normal girl?
I laughed again.
A normal girl? They called me not.
“Normal, normal, normal” I said over and over again. Was I saying everything out loud?
All I wanted- was nothing?
Everything was a dream?
But we’re all dead, we all don’t exist.
“Crazy!” I screamed. “Nothing! I feel nothing!”
I felt her acidic hands on me and I screeched, pulling away.
“I didn’t feel that, though?” I laughed.
I hated that look of confusion and sadness on her face.
I wanted it to go away.
“Do you feel? Bitch?!” I yelled
I leaned over and bit, hard, on her skin, I don’t know where. She screamed and I laughed.
“Liar, liar! Your lying, you! You lie- you can’t feel it either, just like me!”
They all think that I’m out of my mind.
And yes, they’re right.
I’ve been shown the way out, no longer trapped within my mind.
But they couldn’t have my thoughts, no, no those were all mine.
They’re tried to get those out of me, to understand. But I wouldn’t tell them, I wouldn’t open my mouth, or get my hands off my ears to let them take something out of my soul, to draw it out of me.
If they knew my thoughts they would know what I’m saying makes sense! If they were released from they’re mind prison, they would know why my words makes sense.
They’ve told me once or twice to not give in.
They thought I was giving into something bad? That’s the thinking of someone trapped! I am released, and free!
“Free! I’m free! You can’t touch me now! When I wake up I’ll fly!”
I shouted, realizing I was overjoyed.
I’ve walked through the fire. I laughed to myself; they think I’m dumb, I’m wrong.
I need to talk to another person like me, though. They’d know that we’re all free now,
“Hurry, hurry! We need to get all of the others free!”
I grabbed my mothers arm, but this time she pulled away.I pressed my hands on either side of her face and pulled her close to me
“Fly away, go now! No, I forgot you can’t - I’ll help you. I want to show you!”
God, I hate those people. They try and take me away, only my body. They put me to sleep, in my body.Do they know that I can escape?
“Yes, I can escape you’re prison, in the stars! Count the minutes I’m away and I’ll say thrice that I remember. Give me the poison that tries to hold me down, but you see wrong. Are your glasses broken, sir? They aren’t real, that’s not a problem I see, now. I will be sure to come back to you, young sir. I will show you away.”
The white coated man left, far away, but he pulled me with him.
But he was mine? I recognized him?
I was having hallucinations.
Insane! “Make it stop!”
(C)ELaine 2009
Smile!
Smile and dance, dance until you run out of breath.
... but savor those breaths.
Because, if you follow a shadow away into the garden you might no see his eyes.
The all-telling eyes, that are dark and decietful. They plot and plan. The eyes that will lead you to your doom.
Covered by a mask.
A mask.
A mask, indeed.
A smilling, colorful mask with sequins and feathers and long lashes, delicate and polite.
But remember, the stick is easily grabbed from the hand, the cord easily cut. Of these victorian masquerade parties.
Just a mask!
Do you see? Do you see what powders the edges of the wine glasses?
Do you see the poison drops passed mouth to mouth,
The man passed out? drunken?
Or was it not at all an accident? Was he not passed out from too many glasses, but poisoned?
But just keep smiling and dancing.
Because if your time does come next, and the handsome man takes you by the glove to the courtyard,
you will no be able to resist.
So dance, because either you will or you will not, and fretting isn't going to help.
Ignore the open-eyed woman with the last drops of wine dripping out of her glass, lying on the couch. Who is she?
The mask!
Follow the mask. (C)ELaine 2009
If you walk into a carnival, you might see children. Running and screaming and spilling chilly dogs. You might see a stressed mother and a yapping couple, but what do you see after the carnival's over?
After the lights turned off and the smoke clouds up the sky and the wind rustles abandoned brochures?
You might be a lone stilts-man walking to his trailer, his long pale face wandering aimlessly. Seeing what you'll live up to be
You might see a card-player smiling at you from behind her curtains with almond eyes and a shiny crystal ball Seeing your future mistakes and lovers
You might see a clown with it's face painted up, but turned down, its dark eyes peering with curiosity around Seeing your emotions
You might see the serious ring master with a dark curl and a serious glare behind his top hat, holding his whip Seeing your purpose, you reason for everything
You might see the acrobats, flipping around you. Teasing and bending, without a sound Seeing inside of you, bending your soul
You might see the lizard man, and the flame thrower, and the bearded woman all without they're usual tiresome happiness. All seeing you the same way, but differently. They know who you are when your without a name tag
They know you. You know you better than you do.
At a carnival.
After the lights turned off and the smoke clouds up the sky and the wind rustles abandoned brochures.
At a carnival
(C)ELaine 2009
I'm still trying to figure myself out.
Why I'm different from everyone else. Everyone else walks around normally, sees normally and talks normally. Then I see through a red haze and I can see the little intentions behind certain words and the meaning of small gestures. I see the flickers of light bulbs going off inside of people. Why?
And there's something inside of me. I can see its not in other people. Only in me. It's dark and likes to see through the red haze. It gives into bad temptations and it wants me to be a different person.
It wants to tempt, it wants to hurt and to seduce and feed. It longs blood and feels kin to things that are only alive in fiction. I can't express it, I can't let it loose, or I will be locked up. No one knows about it but me. And it is me. Sometime I look in the mirror and I see it staring at me, long white teeth ready to feed and a hungry gleam in its eye.
It scares me and it knows I'm afraid of it. It has strength I can't portray it has urges or evil, of pure psychotic evil that will consume and burn down everything in touches, and as it burns beneath my skin and scorches my insides, I still try to protect everything I see, and I touch.
It hates me. And it loves me. It needs me and it wants to get rid of me. It burns and it stings and it smothers me when I'm sleeping. Special hospitals seem like a distant memory to me, a vivid memory to it. It remembers what that's like and the smiles and the freedom of mind. And how, in your mind, you can go places, in dimensions that scientists haven't discovered yet.
It tries to show me, but I can't let it. I will live that distant dream it has. Every night it screams at me to play with it. It wants to me act, so play. But I'll be hurting others. It has no remorse or regret and takes that away from me.
It tells me to pick fights, it tells me I'm better and can rise above, if only..
if only...
give in, it says.
if only to give in...
The fire swirled up all around me, and I stared at the blaze, the haze it created, and I felt like I was dreaming. The person on the other side of the fire stared blank back at me, wide eyed and demanding. She smiled when I did. We reached for each other. The fire scorched my hand and all of a sudden I was on fire. It didn’t really burn, it just kind of tingled, and I sweat. I danced around, completely on fire, smiling, drenched with water, now soaking.
I opened my mouth and a big puff of smoke came out and I giggled. Everywhere I walked, a trail of fire followed. It felt magical, so I touched everything. Then I looked in a mirror and something inside of my snapped. I wasn’t the fire anymore, I was the victim, and I was what was being touched. It consumed me, and for the first second felt the sting, and then it was over.ELaine TMOn that special day, something happens. I don't know if some chemicals are released in my brain, or the gears start malfunctioning, or if it's like that werewolf- full moon thing. But something happens And that something is destined to ruin everything, it lurks just waiting for the perfect moment. It makes me do things. Not in a psychical sense like I try to restrain but it forces me. More in away it makes me think differently. I become someone/something else. I'm pretty sure by now it's evil. I do things I regret and would have never done. My main involvement is mildly torturing the control that guys have. It's horrible, and unfair and I watch them struggle. And I laugh. Now I don't drain them of all happiness for the rest of their life so they're 24/7 sad or angry. I'm not some super-villain. But pretty damn close. I seduce them. I taunt and tease and play in the most unfair ways. I see a guy the real me wants or a potential toy, and I go for them. I lure them away. I let them give up all they're morals and all they're standards, all they hold dear. And I take it gleefully, without regret until I snap out of it. My favorite part is letting them drool beg for me and I smile and leave. They follow without thinking, without control. For my amusement, I watch the misery of them realizing the consequences, what they've done, and seeing the remorse in they're eyes, they're body spilling over with longing and desire. Like a street whore, I tramped. I smothered my victim with love and feelings of importance, acceptance and the feeling of being needed. Then I'd snatch it back, taking back more than I gave, leaving him more hurt than before. Not long after, the line of unfullfilled, wanting men would pile up. And I'd dispose of them. No, I didn't kill them. I did worse. I let them kill themselves. They were drove crazy with "love" or my favorite- "lust" and would fight each other until dead. I'm a disaster. I'm literally a siren without a tail, a harpy without claws, a pixie without wings, and a vampire without the thirst for blood. All dangerous in different ways, but more dangerous in a similar way. Seductress, Temptress, Enticer, Allurer, Enchantress. Bitch. And I can't control it.
She sat before her vanity and stared at her reflection. Shiny, olive skin and long dark hair. Her green eyes glistened and a cold breeze swam in from the open window. Shivering, Maria wrapped her silk robe around her waist and sealed it with a bow.
She retreated to the window sill, sighing and for a moment let the wind tangle her hair. After a minute she shut it and decided to retire to her bed. Sliding off her socks, Maria curled up underneath the covers. A chill soon shook through her and she noticed it was coming from her room.Switching on her bed light, she crawled cautiously over to the open window. The one she had just shut.
“I must’ve forgotten” she told herself, closing it and turning the lock. Maria once again got under the covers and shut he eyes. A wood against glass screech and the clicking of a lock made her stiffen. Her eyes shot open and she froze. Was that the window? She thought. No…No, maybe I am just going a bit mad.Slowly switching on her bed light, her head shot over to the far wall and sure enough her window stood with its pane slid up and the curtains billowed in the wind.
Standing up and rushing to the window, Maria hesitated, her hand hovering near the edge. Taking a decided step closer, she reached out her hand. From outside, a pale long arm and hand grabbed her wrist. Yelping, she yanked her arm back but the hand didn’t let go. Instead, she had helped pull in a tall, gorgeous creature with the appearance of a man. Maria knew better, she heard town talk. He seemed to hiss while he smiled. Maria knew what he was, but she couldn’t scream and she couldn’t move. Most in shock can’t. Dear panic, horror and she feared for her life. The room darkened more, her eyelids closing and her vision tunneling into a deep sleep. She was lifted with his gentle arms as he pressed her against his chest. He draped her over the floor, standing so that the moonlight shone directly on her face, her hair sliding back, draping over his strong arms and playing shadows on the floor. He held her like a mother would a baby. He stared at her face, graceful eyes closed. He stared longingly for only a second, before he plunged forward and in one swift motion pressed his quick, sharp, cold teeth against her warm, beating throat.Not intending to feed, he wiped the stain from his mouth while eyeing the dark red dribbling down the side of Maria’s throat.
He leapt from the window, into the night. Maria woke up on the floor by the foot of her, underneath the open window. Uneasy, she sat up and felt a strange stinging burn through her veins, tickling her throat. A powerful one. She inhaled, without her lungs filling, just a cool air passing through her body. She walked to the mirror and stared at herself. So I can see myself, she snickered.Her face had paled, to an extent of pure powdery ivory. Her eyes had darkened, a strange kind of thirst and hunger lurking behind them. Her lips had reddened and she couldn’t suppress a smile from her new beauty.
From behind her smiling lips, two long white canine teeth glistened. She tilted her head to the side, still grinning.This was only the beginning.
(C)ELaine 2009
