This is Torn.It has been longer than a calender year in which I have written on this website, or talked to anyone from here.It has been a year since the first boyfriend I ever really had broke up with me.It has been nine months since I missed him.It has been two years sinceI had affections for my best friend- my soul mate, I'm certain- Curtis.Its has been almost a year since his first true love left him broken hearted, and alone.It has been four months that we have been together officially.It will be nine months before I can hold him in my arms again.But still....time seems to go on.I havent written a poem in ages- and as time went on, I forgot my native tongue,my own home language. I forgot who I was, what Im good at, what I loved and hated...and yet...its all been a part of the journey. I am back to writing. Because I have come to realize it is how I live, how I felland express when no words can be said and no one is close enough to hear.Forgive me, brothers and sisters, for forgetting how beautiful words are. Forgive me for turning my back to what brings me joy. For it has been a long time for me....and Im so glad to be home. <3
she looked into the churning brown water with what could only be called morbid curiosity.what temperature was the murky abyss? would swallowing enough of it end a life?how long could it keep a body afloat before dragging it down?how fast could it it kill?she shook her head.life didnt make sense anymore,because meaning for it was completely gone.gone...like him.he saw her peering over the bridges edge,and a vain hope ran through him- maybe he could stop her.he ran towards her,shouting her name,that he loved her more than anything.... she gave him one sad,final smile."to late..."with that,she flung herself over the bridge,and disappeared into the sickening water below.he sank to his knees,so deep was his grief.shes gone...to late.......to late...
that stupid,sinking feelingthat seems to have no end.her true loves' rejectionhas made her cry again.he didnt mean to do it,he didnt mean it THAT way--but now because he said it,she'll NEVER be ok.that brewing,salty puddlethats clouding both her eyesher true loves' rejectionfeels lower than lies.he does still love her,at least,thats what he claimsyet he wont be with her...it doesnt feel the same.that low,unworthy feelinghis harmless words have brought"we should see local people..."its left her so distraught."i LOVE you-""then why cant-""we could get hurt again"...dylan,id rather be in HELL than just be your friend.
oh,you poor little girl,your song is never heard.you scream your little heart out,but no one hears a word.oh,you poor little boy,you smile with only your lips.though your laughing now,all you wish to do is hiss.oh,you poor little children,you swear not one soul cares.you want someone to SEE you,not occasionally stare.oh,poor little girl,you've been silent for years.now you finally start to cryand HE catches your tears.oh,poor little boy,you've never smiled with your eyes.you've never cared for anyone....and yet....you cant stand to see HER cry.oh,you lucky children,you've found matching hearts.you intertwine you handsand swear to never part.
this story takes placenot very long ago...as the warmth decayedand time seemed to slow.he walks down this path,so lonely and cold,because her blue eyesare no longer his home.hes withering inside,withering in PAINshe left him for no reason,with nothing to gain.except for his heartbreak,his vile of tears;hes no longer herslike hed been for a year.dark thoughts start creepingas he walks down this path...how long had she wishedfor them not to last???he arrives at the bridgeand the dark waters churning;in his minds happy place,he hears her voice yearning,"Please,baby,dont do this...i made a mistake!!"his last smile is bitter."Well its to fxxxing late."xxxfor curtis- my best friend and inspiration.you deserve better yet you refuse to let go...i pray you get peace....and a soulmate that isnt a total whore.xxx
an eye for an eyea life for a lifea cut for a scara blade for a knife.ruby red streamsrunning downhillbeg for it to ceasethough it never will.a silent screamthats never heardshrieking of painyet none hear a word.slinking awayslinking in fearwishing you gone,away from here.trouble is brewing-that cant be ignoredwatch as their bodiesfall dead to the floor.write for ventingwrite for reliefwrite what you cantexpress underneath.scribble in angerscribble in ragespring like the phoenixbroke out of his cage.hes not understandinghe doesnt seewhat a silent hellhis eyes are to me
the feeling that im feeling....i dont know how to explain...... i hope you like kids?or,do you want to pick the name?how will he take the news...oh god,please dont let him leave....i cant do this alone and dont know what im expected to see.will he be furious?or be filled with joy?will he want a girl,or a baby boy?....will he be digustedwill he be scaredwill he flake outor will he be there?do i say "im pregnant"? or do i say "im late"?either way will shock him...these words define our fate.oh no, hes coming.he walks in with a smile...i cant tell him now.......i'll just wait a while.no,i cant do thati feel my eyes water,which makes it all worse,if he says "whos is it",take me away in a hearse.with my eyes stinging, i look into his,i whisper "i love you"and give him a kiss.next i take his hand,and move it to my heart."now theres one more to love... i think you better start."hes confused at first,and then he understands.he whoops a line of praises,and squeezes both my hands.he looks down to my stomach with admiration that glowswe're going to be a family...a loving one,i know.
i come home from softball practice to see my ten year old sister,curled up in the smallest corner of the room like someones broken her little spirit....thats when i see the BRUISES.splays of deep purple and sickly green ripple across her fair white skin like an ink stain on a silk blanket.its been going on for TWO WEEKS.a little 12 year old boy thinks its oh-so-funny to hit little ten year old girls...he only used his fists at first,but then,today,HE USED A FUCKING STICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SO,i need to calm down...hes only four blocks away-an easy run from here- and im planning things.......im scaring myself.calm me down,please.otherwise i swear to god,i'll end up killing the fucker.
well,you were right to say i wouldn't be able to keep you a year.but its more than that... in a year iv grown to love- to utterly ADORE you in a year iv cried more bitter tears than the capacity of an unending ocean trench...in a year iv started cutting, trying to feel something- ANYTHING- but depression.in a year iv had my first kiss,but my sorrowful regret is that it wasn't you.in a year iv discovered lovelandia, i have an online family of poets and dreamers.....in a year,iv lost your love,but found heartbreakin a year i lost your voice- the way it made those three little words seem like a caress to my numb heartbut in a year,i'll still shiver at your name,i'll still be crying bitter tears,but not as frequently,i'll attempt to stop cutting...because you would want me to,i'll deal with reality- that my family doesnt give or notice anything about me or my sisters...that my mom has ms and i could inherit the disease later on...i'll deal with not having you to love...because,hopefully,in a year, you wont matter anymore
time to let go,and just walk away.step away from pain,from the harsh words you say.time to live let,and just move on.slowly start to forgetuntil all memory's gonetime to turn from the pastand live in the now.i dont know if i'll managebecause i dont know how.time to give backand not shed a tear.give it some time,and i'll forget that your here.just take back the poems,what says, "You are mine"and i will so kindlyfade like the time.
fade into the shadows.fade away with no sound.fade into the darkness.onto unearthly grounds.haunt mortals by daylight.haunt mortals by night.haunt those poor souls'til their scared for their lives.look into the mist.look at that full moon.look into my eyesto see my soul DOES exist.sleep in your coffins.sleep the final sleep.sleep with no troubles,and rest kindly in peace.dying in shadows,dying in pain,i die thinking of you,i die dancing in rainwith your eyes of silver blue.xxmylovexx
i'v been told my whole life "when you love someone,your what they need first and what they want second."...how the hell am i supposed to do THAT when what he needs isn't me, and what he wants is what i am???am i confusing you yet? i mean, he WANTS me...he told me he did... but im not his type at ALL. im the emo-the one his family is scared to touch, the one his friends wont talk to, the one that brings him down...he needs better than me--- and i dont know how to give it to him.