Games are my hobby poetry is my heart
Love will come second and today that'll start!
Maybe third or fourth something will do
The first time I’ve thought "what if I didn't love you?"
Never have I imagine you breaking my heart
Maybe I was a fool to think we wouldn’t part
You still don’t care for the things you say
… Maybe my life with you has ended today
I’ve thought this before, and that I won’t lie
I haven’t told you before but now I’ll try
You’ve changed my life, yes that’s true
Maybe that’s all you were meant to do
For the things I say and the things I send
You came into my life as, “just a friend”
My feelings for you began to grow
And from that moment I didn’t know
You’d be the only man in my life
And to this moment we live in strife
Your love for me isn’t true
Tell me then... are we through?!?
Us meeting, i thought it was fate
But sometimes you treated me with such hate
After reading this, I know what you’ll say
But nothing will stop me from thinking this way
To not hear your voice again will drive me insane
To go to sleep and wake up with my heart in pain
So tell me this, if what I say isn’t true then call me and say you do.
Tell me how you really feel, no text, no email, no attitude, no cursing, no nothing, just say it.
Say what’s on your mind… better yet, say what’s on your heart!
How do you really feel about me, and was a mistake making me yours?
Answer my questions, I’ll never ask again, tell me what I want to know
For what we say and do, do you always have to be the one that’s right?
…for you not to call answers my questions, in the end... I will always love you
Those last lines wasn’t meant to rhyme so don’t think what I said wasn't on my mind.
I’ve done things I said I’ll never do
Just to show my love is true
For you to say that I don’t love you
Must mean that we are through?
For you to say the things you say
Tells me I can’t have my way
I love you with all my heart
Now it’s time to do your part
My heart belongs to you
You tell me you love me, is it true?
I see you as the man I want to be with
My heart isn’t a toy, not to be used as a trick
My love for you is something real
Our love use to be so surreal
We fell in love too fast
Maybe that’s why we might not last…
Being in a relationship is like making a deal
Trust and love is like placing the seal
Rules to go by, not to be broken
Speak from your heart letting it be open
Eight months now, marked exactly on this day
There are so many things I feel I should say
But at the moment, you dare not speak
I’m a strong person but my heart is weak
What I give to you is my true emotion
You say its lies, and that starts a commotion
Yes that line wasn’t my best
I write this only to get it off my chest
This is the last and 8th line I’ll write
Why do you say things out of spite?
Listen when I say, “I love you”.
Never have I spoken words more true...
Am I wrong to want more but not taking bad with the more that I want?
Am I wrong to ask for it to be how things were?!?
Am I wrong to only ask for who you once were?
Am I wrong to tell you to stop trying to control me?!?
Am I wrong to want some attention when I need it?
Am I wrong to say if things don’t change I’ll find another?
Am I wrong to know if it’s my fault?
Am I wrong to know it’s yours?!?
Am I wrong to ask why did you change?
Am I wrong to show you how you make me feel?!?
Am I wrong to tell you that you’re hurting me?
Am I wrong to tell you that I take the things you say to heart?
Am I wrong to tell you I sat in bed until 8am crying?!?
Am I wrong to want to be my hyper active, painting and drawing, designing, game playing and crazy self?!?
No? Well I didn’t think so...
A few days ago we got into a disagreement about something (will not mention what exactly it was). We came up with this promise that I was suppose to hold, but it wasn’t fair to me considering I don’t get anything out of it. I know we were suppose to compromise but I saw no point in that. He had gotten upset and I was angry… and when we get to that point where one of us is upset (or any further than that) we talk about it to see the best way to resolve it, to which I am rarely mad at him, whenever I’m mad at him I feel as though I don’t want to hear his voice or see his face, so we were texting. Although we were seeing things from each other’s point of view there was still something bothering me. He asked me did I want him to call, I didn’t know whether to say yes or no while I still had mixed feelings. If I was to say “no” I would have regretted that, but to say “yes” would be difficult for me and to also regret that. He called anyway but as I talked he kept laughing, the more I said the harder he laughed… to the point where I felt like anything I say doesn’t matter to him. He apologized and told me that he can’t take me seriously when I’m mad, because when I’m mad I don’t sound mad at all and I sound cute. For someone to tell you that not only makes you madder but also smile.
Yes we have gotten over it but I haven’t heard from him ever since… and I left something out but I guess I’ll just leave it as is.
It’s almost his birthday jun 12… he would be turning 4. Everyone goes around like he never existed, then want to get tearful when his mother talks about him. I never came out and talked about how it effected no one even asked. The least anyone could have done was even to pretend that they cared, I was there when it happened, I was the one who called 911, I was the one who held my sister as she tried to fight her way to the room, I had to go to the hospital to tell my mother she lost her first grandson and left her there crying, no one could eat for that entire week, no one talked, everyone was just silent, my aunt and uncle didn’t sleep in that room until three weeks later, my other aunt spiked the punch just so we’d go to sleep. I know its not good to hold all of this in but… I just cant bring myself to say it to anyone, I even has a dream that he never left and when I woke up I just couldn’t stop crying my boyfriend just tried to calm me down. Even as I write this theres tears coming down my face. I look for no comfort only to try to ease the hurt of losing my first nephew he will always be missed as well as loved, they say not to
mourn their death but to mourn their life, I say it’s easy to say that if you don’t know the person…
Maine jr.
Jun 12 2005 to Nov 10 2008.
You say you want to have children, I say, “I love you but just not now”.You say you want me to love you more, that’s how you feel fine show me howThere are things in life I have yet to do, promise you’ll be there to see me through You say you want a house wife but that’s something I could never doYou are my best friend, my baby, my teacher, and also my loverNo matter who may come in my life THERE WILL BE NO OTHERI will love you for the next ten minutes, three years, for the rest of my lifeI will continue to prove that I am here for you, with all my might Things will never be the same between us and that’s the way it should beCertain things you say… I’m sorry but it’s hard for me to believeI want to push you over when you pretend to be asleepI want to laugh and giggle when you play with my feetI want to smile in awe when you make my favorite foodI want to wake up and go to sleep next to youLol, I want you to rub my stomach and sing, “Nani nani nani”.We both know thats not going to happen, lol it's worth a try
Living with you is a dream come trueLiving without you, there’s nothing to doLiving with you, my life couldn’t get betterLiving without you my pillow gets wetterLiving with you, I thank you cupidLiving without you, sounds pretty stupidLiving with you, every day is like starting anew Living without you, only makes me want to be with youLiving with you only makes me think how life is without you
So, Papi stay in my life just a little bit longerThe more we spend together our love will get strongerBeing with you has shown that you improved my lifeWho knows… maybe one day I might be your wife, lol.
I still feel uncomfortable doing certain things around him, I have a habit or watching what I say, doing things I wouldn’t normally do if I was alone as if I change when I’m around him. The sad thing is it’s still taking me a while to open up to him. I know I should lighten up a lot more but the thing is I feel that if I open up to much then it’ll hurt a lot more if he leaves or if I don’t open up enough then he’ll think I’m hiding something from him and leave… so basically my mind is set on him leaving and I guess that is what is the cause for me not saying anything... We’ve been together for almost eight months now… I have a question, is it normal to get to a point in the relationship where you feel as if you’re meeting each other again as in re-learning things about each other?
for the things that have been said and done within the past six months, has made things between us... stronger but also weak. Though suggestions have come up to leave him, i dont think i am strong enough to do it, or to even think of leaving him... yes he is the jealous type, and always assuming things, changes attitudes every time he is near his brother or other family and friends, but i dont judge him on his flaws i love him as he is and i would never ask him to change. in the begining it was hard to get him to trust me, considering his ex cheated on him and lied... yet i continue to tell him that i love him and only him, women dont cheat and for those that do then they are no longer a woman. im not saying anything that isnt true.. but anyway the best things about him is that he loves to read the poems that i send him,he was there for me when i lost my nephew.. calling me everyday for a few weeks just to see how i was doing, if i ate, things in that sort, he saves our texts so when he miss me he could go back and read it, as i do the same, he laughs at my stupid lil jokes even if it's not funny just to make me feel good, but the sad thig is that right now as i write this... we arent speaking, i am mad at him and i assume he feels the same. because last night he was at his brother house, we were talking on the phone and i told him to "shut up", to which i never meant. only once, then he hung up on me.. i didnt call him back, why should i call him back and say sorry for something that isnt serious!?
11:51:25you know whats weird about the whole thing is that he use to say was going to fall in-love with him, i mean i love him but am i inlove with him? i mean how would i be able to tell? what would my action or thoughts be? he tells me everytime i say "i love you" he'll say either "no you don't" or "sure" if i didn't then would he be able to tell? i feel that i do but does that justify what i have done? the first things on my mind is, "i wonder if he's right and what if he's right? and the first things on my heart is "i do love you, more than i can say" and my fav "STFU brain". Is love really a thought or a desire of the heart to not be alone? or is it a stronger feeling than of lust or just another useless feeling like envy? they say "fear nothing but fear it's self" and "love with all your heart if true" but what about the fear that your love is not true? he's always been there for me after everything i have been through. I asked him, "when you say you love me is it true?" and he replied, "i mean everything i say..unlike some people". everytime he say's i dont, is it wrong when i start to think that?..
