Sometimes I can still smell him on me, I can feel him breathing on me. He is in my nightmares, sometimes I feel like he is watching me but he isnt. I want the memories to fade away like my scars. Part of me wonders how I could have someone like Daniel I'm DAMAGED goods. I was broken before the rape. I think what Fucked me up was I was molested my a girl (yes a girl). Every summer I went to my grandmas house NO ONE KNEW OR EVEN KNOWS!! Shit I blocked it out for a long time then the rape happened and it was like everthing hit me all at once. I dont know how to deal with it, I kinda felt weird and gross, I thought back then it was normal, So from then on until I was about 11 or 12yrs I thought it ment I was gay! And I have kissed other girls when i was younger. Now that I look back I regret everything I wish I could take everything back and i wish i would of said something sooner. No one knows how much i hate my self for the things that happened. I hope one day I can forgive my self.
And I have nothing against homosexual people, I just know that I am not a Homosexual but to me i just thought it was kinda weird to be touched like that by a girl.. I hope you all know i have nothing against them! they are just like me and you!!
Sometimes I hate that i dont see my self as others see me! I cant see how pretty and smart and nice and everything. I dont know whats wrong with me! My husband doesnt like it he wants me to see how beautiful i am but all i can see are my scars. what should i do!!
I Am very much in love with my husband! I dont know what i would do without him! he is my morning and night he is my everything!! So why do i still think about him! I should be over this its been a year since that night!! I guess I will never forget that night!! It has made me stronger but also scared!! and i have a hard time sleeping!! I just have a hard time with it some days because I still see them. I was raped by 3 guys at a party!! i dont know i'm having a really hard time!!! :(
I dont know why I still think about him. I thought I was done with him. I also thought I was over him! I hate that I still think about him!!! I hate that part of me still wants him. It kills me. I hate that I still have these memories about him!! Especially since I have someone that loves me and I love him and he wants me and I want him and he is will to do anything for me and i will do anything for him!! I am sick of thinking about him. Its killing me inside Whats wrong with me!! I wonder if he really even cared about me or even loved me!! Or did I give him what he wanted and that was it or when he promised forever was he lying he must have. did he ever think how it would affect me and other relationship i have I have a hard time trusting now bc i gave him everything!! but now I have someone that I LOVE VERY MUCH BUT STILL DONT KNOW!!!
I dont know what to do!!! A year ago I was raped and i am trying to deal with everything and also not having my husband here just sucks he is away and dealing with this is the hardest thing ever not having his support!! I just want to go back to how I use to deal with things I want to go back to cutting but I dont know!! I know I shouldnt but i under to so bad!!! Just to go back to cutting!!!
I dont know what to do anymore part of me is missing because the one i love is not here with me, he is in Afghanistan!! this is killing me and he wont be back till April! what am i to do I sadly have cut and i feel so bad but part of me wants more of that blade and i dont know why?? I am so happy with him and i love him more than anything!! and I pray god doesnt take him away!! But part of me is wondering why i still want to cut if i am so happy because when i am with him i dont think about cutting and when i know he is ok i dont think about it!! but urg i just hate this
I hide how I really feel behind these eyes so you will never know how depressed I really am. So I finally took that blade for the last time and as I was in the bathtub I took that cold razor and I slid it against my wrist one last time!! As I watch the blood flow out of my wrist.. I feel tired now Things are getting blury!! Then I hear my mom pounding on the door crying.. as if she knew what her daughter was going to do. So now that I am gone I wonder if everyone is happier without me!!! umm I wonder!!!
I am scared because my mind is going back to how it use to think.. I think about Cutting all the time now. Now that he is gone My boyfriend left for Afghanistan, I feel so alone and now i am not living with my mom I am living with my best friend! I dont know what to do anymore.. I feel like the old me is slowly coming back and i dont know if i can resist the call of the blade!! HELP!! What do i do??? I see my self sliping back to my old ways!!!
He looked her in the eyes and said 'i love you" she looked at him not knowing what to say to him but all she could do was look the other way he asked her "don't you love me" she looks at him and says "i dont know if i can say those words yet." he looked at her and got up and said "damn it! I love you and you dont know if you can say i love you back why?" she felt so horriable but she took a big breath and said "my heart is still broken and i dont know if i am ready to say i love you, I really really like you and care about you and maybe i can say i love you soon but right now i cant." he looked at her and he fell more in love with her
I might lose my best friend because of his girlfriend!!!! and he got jealous after i got with my boyfriend I dont understand it. he had his chance why is jealous of my boyfriend!!! HELP I am not pregnant thank goodness!!
I just forgave my ex for everything he did. and now i have an amazing boyfriend! and Now i think i might be pregnant and am kinda scared! and idk what to do and my boyfriend is leaving for Afghaniastan tonight and he doesnt know... what to do.. i still kinda have thoughts of suicide, and how can i raise a child!!! HELP