Mark Leyva

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Born and raised in Albuq, New Mexico. In the banking industry for 22 years now. I have 4 heeler dogs and 2 cats. I am a big fan of the Carolina Panthers and my favorite colors are black and silver. My favorite food is anything with hot New Mexican red chile, like posole, enchiladas, tamales, etc.
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                                          Happy Father’s day..Dad in Heaven

                                               M.Leyva,  June, 2006

 

I think of you every day since you have died…

my father..I hope you’ve been resting well..

visiting your grave more often is what I’ve tried…

but as Father’s day approaches it makes my eyes swell.

 

People ask me “ what will you buy for your dad?”

I tell them “the same thing I get every year.”

They ask “ what does he like SO much?”

I say “flowers arranged as such.”

and just to let him know that I am near.

 

The hardest part for me is to sit on this grave…

but I make sure I do it from time to time,

and I know you’re in the Lord’s hands

we realize God has his own plans

yet, I resent he no longer let you be mine.

 

You’re in Heaven now and I MUST understand…

but, six years back I didn’t wanna let go,

then I heard you’d died over night

and I just felt it wasn’t right

that it took three days before someone would know.

 

I love you, Dad, and I know you love Heaven…

so now I have simply one last thing to say,

I have been missing you so bad

and I am proud you were my dad

God bless your soul, and happy Father’s day!!

 

Miss you and love you so much, Dad….

 

 

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Hello cocaine, this is in honor of you, And all of the havoc that you can create, You’ve earned my hatred and that is so true, You’re killing my best friend and twisting his fate.I’d whip you in a fight if only you had two fists, At first, I would challenge you man to man, I would say “Leave my friend alone.” “Why don’t you fight me on your own?” I’d win the battle if it was hand to hand. I’m not afraid of your hidden power, There’s no way that you could overcome me, Like you have done to my best friend Hurting him again and again If you had fists you’d lose the battle so quickly. I’d fight you to the death if I had the chance, And I’d help my friend back up to his feet, I’d say “There won’t me more damage.” “Now your life’s new, you can manage” Because cocaine finally met its defeat!

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I went this morning to go to the store, There sat a man on the corner of the street. I looked at him and just could not ignore, What might have been that knocked him off of his feet.As I sat at the red light I thought to myself, “How could he have ended up in such despair?” He had a few things in a cart They meant something deep in his heart To a stranger like me, his life’s so unfair. He just sat in the dirt and never looked at me, It was my hope to give him some money, I watched him sit on the ground Eating rotten melon he’d found While folks pointed at him like it was funny. Once, my Dad came home at night almost in tears, All we could figure was that he’d been drinking, But as he sat at the table He cried because he was not able To help the poor folks of whom he’d been thinking. I won’t take unanswered prayers so wrong, Because I remember that poor man on the street. And each night when I go to bed I remember just what Dad said “Pray for those who don’t have enough to eat.” July, 2006

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I’m writing this down for all seven of you… speaking to my five dogs and two of my cats, I never thought much and I never knew… that you would all end up being such brats!Our “family” life has been rough, to say the least… therefore, to my two cats this begins with you, the both of you are my oldest I knew you were the boldest but, now I’ve become frustrated, and that’s true. You cats love me dearly, and I know it’s the truth… I took you both in off the street or the pound. Now you two have gotten so rotten and to the point that you’ve forgotten how you lived before I came around. My five dogs are a completely different story… I remember only starting out with just two, and like my cats who were abandoned you were both chosen at random I said “You just need a life that’s brand new.” I know I’ve spoiled you all and I love you so much… I have named each and every one on my own, and as I gave you all a name none of them are ever the same ‘cause you seven are the only “family” I’ve known.. In honor of my pets, friends and brats…..General, Phaedra, Chanitra, Sonny, Johnny, Falline, and Saffron…. Love you all, my friends!!

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I think of you every day since you have died… my father..I hope you’ve been resting well, visiting your grave more often is what I’ve tried… but as Father’s day approaches it makes my eyes swell.People ask me “ what will you buy for your dad?” I tell them “the same thing I get every year.” They ask “ what does he like SO much?” I say “flowers arranged as such.” and just to let him know that I am near. The hardest part for me is to sit on this grave… but I make sure I do it from time to time, and I know you’re in the Lord’s hands we realize God has his own plans yet, I resent he no longer let you be mine. You’re in Heaven now and I MUST understand… but, six years back I didn’t wanna let go, then I heard you’d died over night and I just felt it wasn’t right that it took three days before someone would know. I love you, Dad, and I know you love Heaven… so now I have simply one last thing to say, I have been missing you so bad and I am proud you were my dad God bless your soul, and happy Father’s day!! Miss you and love you so much, Dad…. Happy Father’s day..Dad in Heaven M.Leyva, June, 2006

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Earlier this morning I drove into town… it was only just a little before eight, then the truck behind me zipped right around... in such a hurry like he was running so late. In the back of my mind I kept on thinking… how selfish that some are even today, their minds consumed with their worry makin’ ‘em feel they have to hurry they risk others’ lives by acting this way. Like an idiot he kept on gaining more speed… we were the only two who were on that street, but he just kept hitting the gas and then the truck’s pipes gave a blast as a “showoff” I’m sure he thought it was “neat”. Then what happened next has been driving my thoughts… there was a bird which was flying kinda low, I saw his windshield just crash it and at his speed he just mashed it he didn’t care; he just kept on the “go”. I stopped to look at the bird, trying to help… it flopped around only trying to stay alive, I saw its body so tangled and all its limbs were so mangled I knew then that it would never survive. I thought about this bird being a parent… and what will happen to the babies in the nest? Though, that bum wasn’t malicious selfishness can end up as vicious whenever one thinks only “he“ is the best.

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You called me last night just before I went to bed… suddenly the anger showed right through your tone, you yelled at me saying “Get ‘ US’ out of your head!”. Today I regret that I picked up the phone.You’re showing such hatred to someone who cares… but knew I haven’t been in love for twelve years, now you just want me to erase memories of you I embrace so, your angered words now have brought me to tears. We don’t speak again ‘cause of a comment I’d made… you knew I had become so jealous and mad, and the only thing I asked of you… “Was there nothing else that you could do?” You’re just a flirt and it makes me feel bad. You had constantly told me you’re all just good friends… and that you all talk back and forth every day, I’ve always taken it in stride but, jealousy is hard to hide so it ends up being me who’s punished this way. The feelings that you have for me are apparent… I think about them when I wake up at dawn, I’ll always think of you again if someone mentions a great friend and I’ll remember how much I loved John.

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Have I lost you for good a few weeks ago?... I’d never seen such anger in your face, well, we both had too much to drink, you know... and then I would storm right out of your place. I waited two weeks hoping we’d speak again... I sat next to a phone that wouldn’t ring, each day I have knelt and I’ve prayed you’d forgive any mistakes I’ve made and that for you I could do the same thing. In eight years I’d never had a fight with you... this was our first and obviously the last, I think now you are making it clear you don’t want a friendship with a queer I’m just poison; I should be in your past. I’m sorry that I fell in love with you... eight years of “just being” your friend was hard, because my emotions for you grew I confessed I was in love with you but now, only MY heart remains left scarred. I know it’s my fault for loving a straight man... I didn’t want it to turn out this way, but when you invited me on in you said you wanted to be my friend I fell in love with you on that very day. I managed to keep my feelings hidden... although, only for a very few short years, because soon you’d start to see just how much you meant to me on the night I kissed you and brought you to tears. You said my emotions for you were so touching... as you were wiping a tear from your eye, I told you I loved you once again but you only want me as a friend and with that, it became my turn to cry. I’m sorry that I became so selfish with you... I would never mean to make you so mad, our first fight keeps haunting my mind those words we exchanged were unkind I regret losing the best friend I’ve had. And deep in your heart you know it’s not all my fault... you had an important role in this game, your rule was “I’m only your best friend” but we would fool around now and then if I can’t take it then I am to blame. Then our first fight was because I got so jealous... I guess it was a fight to end all wars, I asked how you could be with me and then the next night so suddenly want to be in the company of wheres? You never will change and neither will I... my feelings for you runnin’ way too deep, and that night you had said to me again, you needed to be free so now I’ll leave you with your “friends” to keep. When I pray to God each and every night... I ask him how I ended up so wrong, because as a queer all I could do is to kill every friendship I knew by falling in love like I did with John.

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Dad, I’m missing you for six long years right now... I’ve written a poem just to honor you, and I still need my anger to subside somehow... so, my writing to you is all I can do...When I was four you became my #1 hero... You were one of the best cops the city took on, but the job was wearing you down and every time you came around you’d always come home and beat up on mom. I try to forgive you for what you’ve done to us all... You divorced her when I was only four. How could your kids look up to you when they’re seeing all that you would do by leaving us stranded in favor of your “where”? You were tough on me when I finally came out... You didn’t want to be bothered with me. I’m sorry that I let you down but no matter what, I’m still around that was just what I had to make you see. I know that you had so many problems in your life… But NONE of them could give you the excuse, like the ones that you’d always try whenever I saw my mother cry as you punched her and gave her abuse. I buried you with so much honor and respect… And I hope you know to this very day, Your mom is still crying out so loud because of you she’s still proud though, not knowing how you treated us this way. I love you Dad, and I really do miss you… You were so great during my adult years. Please know that since I was just four I still simply cannot ignore the nightmares I’ve had seeing my Mom’s tears… M. Leyva April, 2006

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I’ve counted ten “best” friends from twelve years ago… And I think about each one to this day. And where they are now, is what I’d like to know, ‘cause they’ve never called me just to say “Hey!”.Why do we all let our friendships grow apart? One or the other should have never let it die. Now I’m only down to a few yet, I never thought that I knew that they’d fade away, and make me wonder “Now, Why?” All of them have returned to me at least once… Even though we had grown apart for some years. But when their chips were ever down they always knew I’d be around like at holidays, when we’d share food and cheers. I guess it’s just part of a human’s nature… To think of “friends” when one ends up in need, I’ve helped some patch up their black eye while others came to me to cry I tried hard to be their good friend, indeed. So who comes to me now when I need the help… Or someone’s shoulder that I might cry upon? Well, it surely hasn’t been you all of my ten ”friends” that I knew like my REAL friends now; who are Trista and John... April, 2006

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What was Dad doing when he was forty two? I know back then I was just twenty eight. Did he ever stop by and say he loved you, Before he died and it became too late? I want to honor you with a special tribute… ‘Cause I realize that too many years have gone by. You’re the best grandparent I’ve had And I know I’d really feel bad If I don’t say this before one of us should die. You spoiled me rotten since I was a baby… You treated me like I was another son, And as a kid when I was bad You showed the patience that you had By not spanking me like my parents had done. As an adult I’m even closer with you… We shared special times by ourselves on our own, Mostly cooking in the kitchen While you listened to me b*tchin’ I was your “blacksheep” that you’d never disown. I still come to you with all of my problems… And we talk even if it takes us two hours, Sometimes we may laugh or just cry But to this day I still know why I cherish those talks, ‘cause those memories are ours. We’ve always shared so much when we talk together… We both managed to survive through rough trends, But no matter how old we’ll get I simply will never forget That Gran’ma was like one of my best friends. I need to remind you of the love in my heart… A special love reserved only for you, ‘Cause you’ve been a very sweet lady You treat me like I’m still your baby Even though, now that I am forty two. We both still remember my dad together… Reminiscing about your first born son, But you can’t keep chasing his thought So just remember what you’ve got You’re “other” kid who thinks you’re number one! 85 and still beautiful! I love you, Gran’ma… For My Grandma - my second mom M. Leyva April, 2006

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John… Straight from the heart… Happy Valentine’s! M. Leyva, February, 2006You already know how much I love you... I tell you over and over again , and I’ve still met NO man above you that I wanna be my love; my friend When I first saw you I thought “Wow, he’s cute." You were so handsome, tough, and strong, yet my feelings were hurt ‘cause you were there to replace Curt then a tenant said “His name is John.” I never dreamed so many years would go by... When Curtis left and then I had no man, but, yet I’d start to think of you I’d see all the things you could do getting to know you became my main plan. Well, that obviously didn’t work out so soon... For years we passed each other in the hall, I thought in the back of my mind a handsome man like him’s hard to find I thought I’d never get to know you at all. But good things come to those who will wait... At least, that’s how it happened with me, ‘cause now that eight years have gone by you’ve become the only reason why I look forward to how good each day can be. You’ve helped me out of a deep depression... A few years back when we first hung around, then I began to adore you and I just couldn’t ignore you you became the best man I’d ever found. What troubles me now are my feelings for you... I’m in love and I tried not to show it, because you’ve always tried to be such a really good friend to me but in your heart, the fact is you know it. I know that this has not been fair to you... For me, being good friends is really tough, you’ve been the best friend I ever had I feel wrong for wanting you so bad but good friendship will just have to be enough. Many people know that you are so good lookin’... That’s why you’ve had so many a date, though, you’ve gone through a second wife you always simply just live your life you’re not the type to hang around and wait. And even though you are way out of my league... The fact is that you really turn me on, when life makes me feel like I’ve been cheated I just remember I’m not defeated ‘cause I hold on tight to my love for John.

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