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what i am is not important. what i am capable of is. Life is to complicated to sum it up in an about me section on a web site. No one can hold to what they think they are. usually what they think and what is true are two separate things. So if there is anything that is needed to be known of me. Ask.
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The ringing echoes through the wires the voice he hears is lovely, familiar the tone he doesn't recognize At first he doesn't believe what he hears he fights to keep the control of himself that he can feel he is losing His calm demeanor fades as he searches for words explanations and time and distance swirl through his head he thinks this is a joke, maybe a test He looks around to see if anyone is noticing him he is surrounded by people, walking, talking, sitting. They all seem to be sneering They give glances as if observing a car wreck he wonders if they perceive what has happened he wonders if he is only imagining their stares He returns to the voice questions its motives, its decisions he doesn't understand He accepts the words. lets them in he now allows the thought that this might be real Control is lost, his throat aches, his eyes are blurred he doesn't care anymore if anyone sees he becomes tunneled, blinded The voice on the other end is silenced harshly, slammed he becomes enraged, fearful, lost He remains alone, tunneled, unaware of anyone else in the room. he rips off his gold, he had worn it for years He lets it fall alone, it twirls through the air falling through memory and time. A cursed circle of a broken promise he lets it go, after all it wasn't his choice to release it a voice from five thousand miles away there was no decisions to be made they had already been put together for him It was beautiful as it twirled around spinning with memories spinning with deceit shimmering in the well lighted room the sound it made as it danced the writing that shone from inside. Breathtaking It stops. he turns, walks away. and there it stays unbroken in form yet severed in meaning and there it stays.

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" A sense of wider meaning to one's existence is what raises a man beyond mere getting and spending. If he lacks this sense, he is lost and miserable." -Carl Jung Is God the sense of wider meaning that Carl Jung speaks of? For many he is. For the devoutly faithful atheist theories and unproved science is where they draw their sense of purpose. Is someone wrong? It has become the popular thing of the educated and scientific minded to rule out the existence of God. Things like the Landscape theory and the String theory seek to rule out his presence in creation. Every bit of them detests the idea that there is something at work that can not be explained through mathematics and science. I commend the scientific community on their faith in these theories as much so as the Christian, Muslim, Jew, or any other religion has faith in their beliefs. Im not going to explain these theories here. I suggest if your interested, to research them for yourself. it takes a large amount of belief in the unseen to subscribe to them. The new church for the new age of man. Every bit as much of a religion as the very faiths they attack. "With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion." -Steven Weinberg This is a common quote used by athiests. How many black and white situations are there? How many evil people are there that go around doing evil for the sake of evil. Nothing is a simple as this quote tries to break it down to. What he's eluding to can be better summed up by Voltaire. "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities." Is religion the absurdities that makes men commit atrocities? We have been killing each other since the beginning of time. We do not need any one reason, you take one away and men will find something else to fight each other over. Great evils have been carried out in the name of God. Great evils have also been carried out in the name of love. Does that mean that we should take love away from humanity as well? Do not forget the fields of study that has brought about such evils as the atomic bomb, nerve agents, and poison gasses. Not to mention Cocaine, Meth, and all manor of addictions. For these evils should all of science be thrown out? Do not ignore the good of something because of the far reaching extremes that it will sometimes get taken to. "God is a comedian playing to an audience to afraid to laugh." -Voltaire "Don't part with you illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live" -Mark Twain Atheists! Do not sway. Believe in your faith. Muslims, Christians, Jews, Hindus, all manor of believers! Do not sway. Believe in your faiths. Do you think God does not have the power to show himself to different people in different ways. Is not a sense of meaning enough? All roads lead to Rome. There are many ways to get to the same end. Worry about this life! Who can say what happens in the next. I do not even pretend to know. Be tolerant of other beliefs. They have as much faith in theirs as you in yours. "I disapprove of what you say, but i will defend to the death your right to say it." -Voltaire. Believe in what you know to be true. Do not selfishly think that your way is the only way for all of humanity. Respect them for their faith and their search for faith even if they did not walk the same path as you. Be empathetic! Be helpful! Do not tear down the faiths that others put their trust in! It gives them purpose. Yet you seek to steal their souls by removing the reason they have found for their existence? We all have our tests and our trials. We all have something inside of us that speaks to us. Evil will always exist right next to goodness. Search for yourself. Do not rely only on what others tell you. Find your sense of wider meaning.

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When someone is in your life because they want to be. You want them there and they want to be there. Not out of duty or obligation or commitment. Thats the Intimacy. Thats the Passion. Thats the Love That is the Blessing.


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Look at you way up there, above the clouds, your silver hair Look at me beneath the waves we fall asleep, so far away. we live our lives in disbelief we cry at home and cry to sleep the pills i take to numb my soul to fall asleep to fight the lull There is no romance only need and lust There is no reason, only chance want to follow you There is no sense to this life only greed and blood Live alone, breathe and die always on my mind

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Bloody Mess blood for money and blood for fun wash your hands watch your sons it drains from pores and fills up holes it trickles down, it steals your soul you see it now you've seen it then you fall asleep you are were you've been hell is close, hear the screams ash and gore is all you see falling deeper falling sweet falling dreams oh shit! you fell asleep wake up now before its too late. before you slip into your own hate. hell is closer you feel the heat? hear their gnashing hear their teeth hear their begging hear their bleat hear them wanting hear them cry hell is here now. and alone all men die.


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vulnerability to those that you demand their trust shelled and closed to others dangerous unintentional games that toy with hearts heartbreakers unwitting delight force them open then leave them there how many can you truly save heroin and ecstasy these are your names your similar form in women's clothes many a man has fallen to these whims influenced by an idea who will win, how can they win? its not a game, its an emotion a desire, maybe selfishness? maybe fear? after the door is opened, how is it closed again? who will walk through into your heart? who will remain lost? but ask and you will find. who will stay in time and place? who will love? who will hate? after the smoke settles who will be true? seek the truth when its spoken look for lies when not find the one that finds you love yourself firstly love to linger love to look find the lock and key who can match? heaven says only one... but with so many fanciful keys and lovely locks. where is the heart of the stranger left? behind the bars of permanence? oh but a chance... small and far.... to find you here, in my heart.


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im lost in antipathy

falling through graces arms


cant find myself today

falling for your charms


I blend and I mold

truly malleable 


yet my heart feels cold

surely silent


i can feel my mind race for words

before i speak they fall apart


my own reassurance is absurd

as i search for all of your flaws


i wandered through my soul

and found myself in yours


i find your words on my tongue 

parts of life i didn't explore


what do you want...

a blessing?

all of them come with a curse.


attached to the bottom

on a string

sealed with a lonesome kiss.


my mind is made

my paths unclear


my soul will stay

with you,

right here


not from entitlement  or false pretenses 

not from excitement or misconceptions

not from need or forced desire

not from lust or simply tired

not from loneliness

not from requirement 

not from sadness 

not from obligation


but from the heart. 

somewhere in between, a soul divided

a simple start

where all your faults and mine subsided


the faults remain 

the mind can change


I will be your risk

your sudden chance

your maddening thoughts

your muted dance

your in between

your perfect balance

your nightly dream

your needed solace


walk your way 

and ill walk mine


we will compromise

we will solidify


well find the breaks

and flaws

and faults


well find the holes

and cracks

and tears


and when they are all out 

for all to see


there will be no one left

save you and me









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All the things i want to say

watch them fall

they all slip away


im not sure i know how to feel

beyond it all

im not even sure your real


your my expectation

your my antidote 

your my thoughts

my concentration 


what do you need

look in me

let me bleed


how are you still there?

how can this be

with my judgmental stare?


your my soul

your my half

your my peace

my lack of control


will i write you off?

make you like them

what will this cause?


do you need me?

roses, thorns, and stems

come together unseen


do i need you?

you know the test

its far too soon


will you rule me out?

am i like the rest?

are you filled with doubt?


your my chance

your my fear

your my loneliness 

my aggressive stance


and all this 

because of words

emotionally drained

beyond hope

beyond you

beyond happiness 


there is a lot of life in this world

how many are there that feel the same?

beyond hate

beyond me

beyond hell


what is left

how can you find someone to love

how can love look

if love is blind?


for all the things that i cant say

I wish i could speak,

tell you of love today


and this i hope

and this i pray

and this ill follow

i will love you!  


and this you want

and this you need

and this you'll dream

you'll love me too.





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