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Perfectly happy now that you've made me see...
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You are right, I hate you.

But the why... well, that just isn't true.

When it comes right down to it

All my pain rests on your unforgiving shit.

How I loved you, and was unwilling to let go until it was too late

And I lost the only one that you have ever truly shown more hate.

More hate than you have shown me.

You post your underhanded shit on here, just to see.

But the thing that hurts the most is that I do.

I see it all, too.

You want to marry the woman you lie to

But you want me to stop you.

You try to nudge this door again, once more.

But it is still firmly bolted to the core.

Make your decisions but stop living in the past.

You have one life to live, so live it fast.

Before you know it the best thing is far away.

And you're lefting hating someone else at the end of the day.

And, before I end this letter to you.

I want you to know what I think is true.

You will never be happy because you dont want to be.

But I feel like I am starting to finally find me.

Maybe the reason I ever met you...

Was to become the person that fell in love, too.

While that's vague and unclear, that's okay by me.

I won't let the secret out before it's just meant to be.


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As I learn every day of the person I'll be...

I think you would turn in disappointment of me.

If you could really see the darkest parts of my heart.

You would feel the hatred and it'd tear you apart.

I would like to think that the good shows through...

But I've never been able to fool you.

And despite all the love I feel every day...

I feel sorrow for the world that tears you away.

Seeing your face, lay asleep on that bed...

I realized the end, closing in with sick dread.

And I can't say a word, only write of this pain.

Because I can't imagine a world where you're slain....

My fiercest support& my closest friend.

I don't think I'd be okay if this is the end.

I'm throwing my hands up& releasing the reins.

God, I beg you to cure her of pains.

Don't take her away from me, because I have so much to tell...

Don't take my friend and drag me through Hell.

It seems we always have more to say when we need you...

But I promise to work on my steps to follow through.

If you grant me this wish and please cure her pain...

I'll find a way to love once again.

I'll share your love and joy every day...

Express myself& help me find words to say.

To tell her I'm sorry that I left her alone...

And was only there over the phone.

If this is the end, I still love you, it's true.

If this is the end, please wait for me, too.

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She wants to hold a stranger-- just not the one in the bed they share.
It's funny how we became strangers- how did we get there?
Moving on is never easy& leaving breaks my heart.
I've tried so hard to let go but you're tearing me apart.
Cruel words cut through our good memories, and tear them all to shred.
You used to be so full of life& now you are just dead.
Dead inside-- maybe you were always& you just didn't let me see.
There's an ugliness about you that I wish weren't caused by me.
Not all, of course, but anger and bitter pain thrown about in fights.
It hurts so bad to hear your voice on these sleepless nights.
I hear you whisper to me, "don't let it die in vain."
Too late, I whisper back-- there's just too much pain.
Anger courses through you, you deliver one last blow.
I beg that you forgive me, as we pack me up, so slow.

Moving on is never easy, but as I remember true.
I remember how alone I was just in loving you.
I took so much care, to hide the ugliness within.
But, baby, you let it seep through, and you can never win.
I'm moving on, and it's so hard, to let go of what I've come to know.
It's easier than putting back your pieces& learning how to sew.
I'm sorry this became so black, ugly to it's deepest core.
I'm sorry that you're bitter-- hideous& oh, so sore.
I forgive you all the pain you've caused.. a weight I've carried for so long.
Ugly feelings burn the good& you sing your bitter song.

"Don't let me die in vain."
It's too late. You're causing too much pain.
You'll never open up& you'll never let me in.
There's so much ugly there, that it should be a sin.
I hope that you are happy& that you find true love.
He wrapped me up, and we fit, comfy as a glove.

I've often heard that I'd know when it was simply RIGHT.
I finally understand, on this sleepless night.
There's nothing ugly about his pain.
I will not let us die in vain.
I'll make every memory count& I will never let you in.
For I hide so much of my ugliness within...


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Laying in bed, while my world's slowly breaking...

It's funny that it's for you that my heart is aching.

You've broken me, now, too far past repair.

But, even if you don't love me, at least you care.

Sarcasm, the best way I have to hide how I feel.

While you shatter and break all that was real.

You say that you fought, but our lies are too thick.

We've dug out a hole... and this slope is too slick.

Anger and pain, poison our hearts..

Slowly you turn, as we separate parts.

Forever was so short, and went by too fast.

I'll never forget-- these memories last.

Tomorrow I'm leaving, where you will not reach me.

Forever is broken, and our dreams aren't to be.

I'm lost, and unspoken-- a life lost to love.

It's supposed to be special, a gift from above.

Why was ours so full of hate, and pain?

Why did we search just for what we could gain?

I'll never forget, but I hope that you do.

You'll find love is special, pure, and true.

I'll end this now, although I'll wish for forever...

To keep us from breaking... to keep us a treasure.

On one final note, this is all I can say.

I love you forever, on our final day.

I'll leave you tomorrow, and never burden your life.

All I bring, is pain, stress, and strife.

I'm letting you go, feeling stronger than ever.

Still wishing, though, that we had forever.

Just remember, when you let me go... Our love was so true.

.... I'm sorry it broke me... and I'm sorry it built you.

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Promise forever, you'll always be mine.

I wear this necklace- my eternal sign.

It's funny how easily forever is broken...

... A few harsh words so brutally spoken.

Pushed, a little too far, a little too fast...

And suddenly forever is far in the past.

I held on so long, begging for you

Now its your turn to see this is true.

Why can't we both be in the same place and time?

... Why can't you fix this all on a dime?

I remember the day, I first fell for you

& the day I stopped waiting for a clue.

You never asked me to stay, until you knew I was gone..

Why do we always have to hurt; love's little pawn.

I forgot what it felt like to feel something real...

And now I'm stuck in time; trying to deal.

It's like the clock has stopped ticking,

And we're both stuck picking.

Trying to move on with our lives, while our hearts still entangle.

... While the memories strangle.

I never foresaw breaking our hearts...

... I never saw us moving parts.

I thought forever, meant all I said;

A house in a cabin, a love never dead.

It's funny, now, to think on that day...

You pulled me so close to hear all I could say.

Now, as I sit, I'll promise forever...

It'll mean what I say, and it will not sever.

Every word you've written, is etched in my heart.

So, even when you leave... we shall never truly part.

I love you more, than I did when I met you.

And forever, forever will always be true.

You broke my forever, and I broke yours, too.

And because we can't fix them... I'm stuck here for you.

Grudges and anger, prevent time from turning;

So I'll wait here forever, forever yearning...

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It all comes so fast--spilling out.

Emotions pour; Anger, rage, and doubt.

Pain, so much... boiling up in me.

I'd forgotten what it was like to see.

Blinded by your "love," by you.

Blinded so I can't see what's true.

You're the same-- I'm just there.

A placeholder-- to fill the air.

Your arms cold, your kiss the same.

Now we step into our own little game.

Words clouded with a strange new fear.

I'll let loose only one more tear.

Lies digging you in so deep...

Pain, so strong, set to steep.

It's boiling over into the fire.

Hissing and spitting, making it tire.

Who am I kidding? I'll never leave you...

I'll re-cover my eyes, and pretend this is true.

A little more broken--

My words left unspoken.

Will I always love you more?

I let this question go, feeling sore.

Sleep in your arms-- letting it go.

I'll put on this smile- all for show.

I'll never hurt you.

Blinded will you believe this is true?


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Press me down a little further- tell me how you feel.

When you pull me up- I wonder, is this real?

I gasp for air, as you push my head under again.

I beg you to stop, this is so insane.

My words enrage you... Now, I've caused a fight.

How did I cause another sleepless night?

I can't make you stay, and yet I try..

My words mean nothing- you let out a final sigh.

You turn to walk away, but it stops you in your tracks...

We have something you want, a love that never lacks.

Our hearts so full of what we feel.

Tell me, again, is this real?

You take one final drag, and slowly let it burn...

I thought we would learn.

We hurt each other so bad... scar so deep.

My soul can feel the pain seep.

I know you're hurt, I can see it in your eyes.

I can feel your body shake, as it cries.

This isn't normal- what it is we do.

I thought that this would end, with you.

I feel so alone, sometimes... like there's nothing left of me.

But it's like you can tell-- just see.

You drag me back in, again... And I know it has to be okay.

I will go through this, for just another day.

If careless words have the power to kill-

Then watch out, because surely you will.

You're stabbing in, throwing words quick like a knife...

Suddenly it's not important- my life.

I've given too much, let you in too deep.

This hill, it's far too steep.

I'm falling now, farther and farther away.

You're begging me, now, for just another day.

I've done what I promised not to do again, ever.

I'd give my life for you, now, and I'd love you forever.

To love is to destroy, and I'm falling apart.

Every word that you speak now, tears me apart...

What do I do now, to make you stay?

You have the power to take the pain away..

Leave now, or stay with me...

Baby, please... break me free.

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Sad truths here for me to see..

Written down; Broken free.

I loved you, once upon a time;

And thought we'd have our fairy tale rhyme.

It'd be so perfect... so great.

... All you ever felt was hate.

You're full of anger, spite, and pain...

Now our love can never gain.

We shall never again see the beauty of a kiss...

Instead we will always feel amiss.

A little broken deep inside our soul...

A heart so full, leaking from a tiny hole;

We break further now, and you sit...

You should out anger- bitter pain...

I feel we will never gain.

We break each other down, you see

...'till all that's left is you and me.

He's my own little reason to smile...

And he'd walk a mile.

I hate the way you think he's wrong...

As you sing your pretty song;

A song of perfect love that never ends...

And a friendship that never bends.

When I choose not to break apart...

You walk and crumble at my heart.

I cry whenever I'm all alone...

Staring at this broken phone.

One text saved just for me

"I'll always be your angel, baby..."

Those words so bitter- another lie.

I hold you close, and slowly die.

Another cut is sinking in...

Biting deep into my skin...

I promised I'd stop... Another lie.

I hold you close and beg to die.

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How do I hold on when the world is falling apart? How do I move on when you hold my heart?How do I continue when I can't be in your life? How can I keep my promise when I hold this knife?How do I wake up when I don't sleep at night?How do I make this better when it never felt right? Answer me, baby, and hold me close and tight... Answer me, baby, and just make this right.Make me okay... make me wanna be... Make me okay... and please just hold me... It might not make everything go away... but baby it might just make me okay. I need you here as I walk through life... For without you I have only this knife... I promise you only not to turn awayfor baby if you show up-- i promise to be there that day. I walk away from this knife... and choose to continue through strife.I love you forever... And I won't ever walk away. Never. I'll love you today... and with this love I will stay. I'll wait till you can hold me tight... and make me fall asleep that night. Because, baby, really it's all I can do... because i cant just live on trying to forget about you...


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This hungry blade is sinking in... Biting into my willing skin... I watch the red trickle away... Leaving me alone today.My hungry friend it's clear to me... All you'll ever want is me.You told me leave, just go away... But the simple truth has made me stay...I held you close to my heart...  Even as we fell apart... I keep you still, even today... Even after I've flown away...When I'm gone you'll be okay,the thirst will simply go away... Why don't you see-- you'll all be free??... My faithful friend this must end... I hope you know I truly care... but the hope is gone with all my air. Please rememember all the good.... as I lie where we once stood.I know you'll hurt and you will cry.... But don't you ever choose to die. I know, I know,  it's not fair... But look at me lying there! What do you see? IS IT ME? What can we do to save the rest?... What can we do to help the best...? Hold them close to your heart,don't ever let them fall apart. Don't ever let them meet my friend, for they will meet a hungry end. Hole me close to your heartand i wont let you fall apart. ill be the one with you through the nighthelping you till morning lightill be the one to help you throughand hold you when you finally doill be the one there every day... and ill show you itll be okay.

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My memory pushed away--not much left to say.Except I don't feel, I don't want, I don't CARE.Leaving me begging for air... Slowing dying. Aching and crying. What do you want from me?What do you want me to say?!I'm a big girl. I'll be okay? I'll wake up tomorrow, even if i don't want to. I'll smile even though it won't be TRUE. I'll make it another day... Is that what you want me to say? Memories burned in my heart.. They're ripping me apart! Stop it, take them away! I don't want to breathe another day!...You look so sad sitting there, writing a letter.. hoping it will make me feel better. I'm fine, all i wanted was for you to love.To thank God above.Believe it or not i got all i asked for--That and so much more. I keep every memory, locked away in my heart. As they slowly, and silently rip me apart. Well one more word as i end this letter. Don't worry. One day I'll be better. I'll wake up tomorrow, even if i don't want to. I'll smile tomorrow, even if it's not TRUE. And I'll be okay. That i can honestly say. I promise to keep these memories locked in my heart--even as they slowly rip me apart.

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yeah... this was up for a little while... but i have determined... that i dont want anyone reading this shit anymore. sorry-- laters.

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