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Your punch hurt inside*

I felt your two punches
so hard it hurt your hand
they were unexpected
as I sat prone in the driver's seat
and hit me with a thud
I felt anger stir in me
the blood boil in me
And I could have struck you with violent force
that rose inside of me
But then I realized you were my son
You could see on my face the shock and anger
There was no way to wish it away
You knew you crossed a line
I'm glad I had the presence not to strike you back
It would have not been pretty
It would have been like an end
And I'm glad I didn't
When i called you down and yelled at you
And told you what I thought
You sheepishly apoligized
As if everything would be OK
There was nothing I said to warrant what you did.
You've got a temper boy and you'd better learn how to control it
Or it will get you in trouble one day
But what I didn't say is how much more my heart sank
I hardly felt the blow but you hurt me inside
Weren't you my little son who I taught to fish, and to run
To bike and ski and race, and all that I know
When you could not find a friend today, wasn't I the one
Who ice skated with you and treated you to lunch?
Just when life has fallen so low
If fell lower still
It is not the bruise
But the injury to my heart that tightens my lips
and makes my stomach churn
and placed a dull ache in my heart
Where there was already pain
I think its time for you to leave me now
today was a sad day I wish I could somehow forget
Just earlier today I had seen a photo of you
it was in your sister's room and was of you
sitting as a 3 year old, atop a fishing tackle box
When I took you fishing. 
You were such a cute little boy. 
Your hair was spiked and you were there with your fishing pole
And I thought how quickly time has passed.
Today when we were skating I had a sense we knew
it was one of our last times.
Nothing stays the same.
But your punch has put unseen tears in this broken heart of mine
I think everything is telling me that my life has slipped away
I imagine you'd feel better if I broke your jaw
But right now, I don't want to think about you
Ive got to make a break somehow
Even you have turned on me
We'll go our separate ways
But I remember when you were my pal
and when you respected me
and I respected you
©  James T. Adair

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Comments (1)
    • things are much better a day later. I had a very enlightening day. Writing helped me to think it through and while hurt I did understand it. I thought back to a similar tension between me and my father. There is a point where the relationship between father and son changes from father/son...teacher/student...to an equal footing. The father finds it hard to relinquish his former role and the son finds it hard to break away. I know now that I must look at him in a different light and there is a sense of loss in that. What I realized is its hard for both. Not just hard on me. But thanks for your comment. It will be alright.
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