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war in me

Shouldn't be this hard - losing you - what the hell does everyone else in the world who has ever lost somebody do? Should be able to get on - do the things I want to do... since I'm still here I should at least live... and breathe... not be caught up in all these emotions. Could share what I'm feeling with someone... but who? And why? Why would I share something that makes me feel so ashamed? Overwhelming thoughts of taking my own life - makes me angrier when it truly doesn't seem like anybody cares - nobody gives a shit. Before... when I had these overwhelming feelings I could talk myself out of it... eventually - because I had things and people to live for. But everything I was living for has been taken away... or doesn't know that they are the only thing keeping me from taking my life in a fucking fit of insanity. So fucking stupid because honestly my life isn't that bad - just feeling fucking lonely and nobody cares! Nobody realizes that it is harder to stay in control every day that I put this mask with a smile painted on. Nobody knows about this war within me - don't know how bad it is or how long it's been all-consuming


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