The duck pond

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It felt like Spring outside todayI'm all alone, everyone has gone awayI threw my back out shoveling coalneeded because while its warm, its bound again to be cold

It's not just my arms hurting or my backor that my life has somehow gone off trackI feel lonliness again today, and my heart I try to tuck awaybecause sometimes there's a feeling inside I just can't express or display

But if you could see my eyes, you'd know my emotion, they'd give it awayI'm daydreaming in a most hurtful, lonely wayDreaming of a duck pond in springtime, sitting with every womanwhose ever been briefly mine and who has gone awayI miss the feeling of affection, solitude, kissing and tenderness today

And it all seems so impossibly far away,  too much of me is wasting awaythat might be something to someone this day, I wish I could run awaybut life is holding me here in it's ever smothering gripaway from it all today I wish I could somehow slip

I have love inside of me I realize, but the wounds of someone who depite the constant heartache of failure, still dreams and triesIf you were here you'd see the sandness in my blue/hazel eyesa simple man, a good man, who's felt discarded and to whom love only lies

I've never truly felt the words "I love you" because each time they betrayand seem like words for someone else to keep but for me they could not sayand if they ever did, the felt false and insincere...If they were true, they'd still be hereStill today I wish I had a lover to be near, or a liar to hold me and call me "dear"

There are times when a man needs only a woman to holdto for that moment make the world feel shared and not so coldLove is just a dream I torment my self with this dayA day I wish I could go to sleep and awake wiht one who would stay

Around the mirror smooth duck pond we'd walk hand-in-handwoman to this weary man, her eyes would meet mine and understandas we survey spring flowers, and watch the ducks glide down to the water as they landand feel the cool gentle breeze of love whisper through the trees small and grand

Walking at an easy carefree pace, glancing at the simple beauty of her smooth facefeeling the long forgotten feeling of being someone's mancared about enough to feel trust in the moment unplannedI'm sure i'd like to be in that place, my heart beating in harmony with or lover's pace

Maybe we'd find a romantic park bench to sit and relax our mindsour tensions eased as the sun sparkles on the water and we lean into each other an intertwinelike the easy cantor of a poetic rhyme, we'd visit another world, void of age or timeand in that moment, I'd be hers only and ever and she'd be mine

As the whispy white clouds dapple the bright blue skyI feel free and feel so high, to be something to someone...don't know whyand the gentleness and completeness of the moment makes her cryand as my tear wells up too, I kiss her's from her eye

Back to reality now, in this empty room my heart heaves in my chestand to stop the pain inside I take a breath and try my bestbut I know inside I'm just a mess, expecting from life less and lessrelegating myself to a dungeon dark, of inner lonliness

But inside there is a voice trying to get my attention, to say I have a choicebut today I can only see the duck pond imagined inside of meknowing that is where I would rather be, on the park bench near the treeone with the world, with a sense of love forever and harmony

But I torture my soul with dreams I'll never seeunless my love comes to find me and rescue mewithout her, I can never really be freeto share with her the man I was meant to beI'd better get back to my chores and try to think no moreor else lonely I'll become, more and more, like beforeMaybe its the weather today, or something in the airbut I wish you were here, or I was there, and love was our only care©  James T. AdairIf you enjoyed this poem, you may find other works by this author by searching on the web

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