As I watched you go alone and away…from me on that horrible day I learned I would never see your eyes.
I felt more powerful than Samson when the eyes of my soul…were blinded by some silent blessing telling me to go alone and away…from you on a chilly afternoon…at the end of the Sabbath… on the nite of the seventh day…under a dark gray sky of aloneness and there to await the parting of clouds…giving birth…to a floor of galaxies so high above me.
Swirling, swirling…swirling to reveal in all their majestic glory and majesty what I imagined to be…but the beatific tip…of your soul, my beloved…
Or is all that beauty I so desperately desperately desperately wanted to find in you…nothing more…than the beauty…that is forever…with in me?
The Day of Atonement
As the Day of Atonement and the season, month, year, century and millennium in memory of the One Great and Unending Holocaust rapidly approaches
let us all reflect not on the crimes of a deaf and blind G-d who has allowed it to go on
but rather on what each of us has not done to end it.
And if we are all together, and the very universe itself nothing but another experiment in life in some petri dish of nightmares only to make you feel small in the mind of the Divine at least for one moment which is only the duration of our individual lives
let each of us leave that Creator’s very being for all time and forever in terror knowing
It is only deaf and blind because we left It so in not giving a fuck about the least of Hers/His/Its/Theirs attributes of beauty
nor even those asinine and impotent powers of mercy or compassion.
But instead we succeeded in becoming greater than any such G-d we left in comparison to us a cripple by having more love for each and every one of us than It/They/He/She had for all of us…
Hey, why the hell should we hope for any fucking messiah to save us when each of us can be an army of one Messiah among a legion of Messiahs and Messiahesses
For low and behold even if there is any G-d of ALL Love I know for a motherfucking fact THAT is what the Cocksucker is hoping we will do and
Love each other more than any G-d…could fathom.
I’m looking forward to when I die and finally seeing God…fucking weeping and being inconsolable for a change that the finest French kisser of my Age who ever touched His/Her/Theirs/Its lips while I was alive
…is no more.
Obsession…for the one who hopes to never see him again
She survived several good…and bad marriage proposals by him with the final one coming on a dark manic night…resulting in a divorce decree…by the courts. So like anyone of his age…for whom the flesh is willing but the spirit is weak this is just another last will and testament…to his confusion and giving up too late the holy science of politics…and the art…of cruelty.
As for what G-d’s plan has to do with love because the man was obsessed with it…and an enemy of it but most of all because he couldn’t comprehend it he decided wrongly their future together…was written…in stone.
And because statistically speaking more of his poems to her died in the solitary confinement…of his youth than of all other sources combined the woman decided correctly she could help him forever…no more.
For he has no friends other than all those about him…who suspect him of plotting…with evil…to destroy all those who he dared…come near just a little…nearer, lover…to forgive me, lover…for in time I promise to love, honor…and know you will forgive me for trying…to forget you…if that is all…you have come to ever want from me.
By means of drugs. By means of confinement. They cut him off…from being an embarrassment to himself or others.
Then they returned him to the real world where he was free at last free at last free at last to make a longer suicide list from sunrise to sunset and then all night from lost friends to fallen lovers…only to discover by morning he was here
still aging…and alone.
Violence on the Highway
By means of violence, by means of drunken debauched behavior by means of an abortion and by means of lewd obnoxious suggestions your lovers found their way in and out of your bed while I waited and waited and waited and waited for decades…just to meet you.
Until one night I tried to establish once and forever it even takes more courage to beg for the love of someone to hold my hand than to die for a cause…in front of the factory of letters.
So forgive me when I am trying to compete…among men…who don’t know what they are doing after all you are not the first my soul has used this closing line on…but for the sake of my heart I hope you are the last I have to tell my greatest fear to…because with all the chaos I still don’t know if it’s because I love too little…or I love too much…that I may never see you…again.
#scars, #wounds, #love, #hate