Maybe one day.... <3

I wrote this awhile back. found it when I moved. I'm not expecting you to respond. just wanted you to see it. I loved you from the start, I know it's not fair I ended us forever, I just hope when I did it, I mended your broken heart. I know deep down that you're happy now you will no longer see me in so much pain, I know I probably said to much that you didn't want to know, And i'm sorry for that and all the hurt I put you through, But it was that time when you had enough so I let you go. I know I shouldn't of broken us but I did it all for you, You told me you were hurting so many ways, And I felt it when you said it, because i knew it was true. I see no point on begging asking you to stay, I know you wont come around and say yes at all, I'm not surprised you walked away. You done me favours and i couldn't find a way to let you know, I didn't want you hurting anymore that's why i let you go. I know I lied once but then again so did you, I thought we mended it all, so I took the next entrance and fell in love with you, Then i took the first exit and quit now, I hope you know i love you and believe me, Because that my friend is true. We agreed to be friends and that's what i need, With you by my side i know i will get through this depression and i will succeed. Don't forget me though if I ever leave you alone, I know I'm probably gonna hurt you again and that i'm sorry for, I thought we were perfect and I understand you don't think that anymore. When i wake up with tears in my eyes I promise I wont search for the closest knife, I will sit there blinking back tears trying to forget my past years. I said I'd get better and that's what i want and need, So when i'm struggling to live without you, I honestly don't think i will succeed. So if I end up in hospital once again, Please don't hate me ever again, I need you now and then, You're not my boyfriend anymore but you're supposed to be my bestfriend. I know I probably wont tell you the things that are going on, I know you think i don't trust you because of it, But i do, it's time to keep to myself this time, And i will carry on. So if i say i dont wanna tell you that's what i mean, I understand you're trying to sort things out, You're my friend and that's all I will need. I am sorry don't get me wrong, I'm still trying to understand myself and why I hurt you so, I don't know what I'm doing but i can't just let you go. I hate myself and that's what I'll always do, So when I put myself down again, Remember I dont have to like myself just to love you. This is the end of our relationship we held on tight to, Now she's new in your life and she's one lucky girl, I struggle at the thought i'm never gonna be your 'world.' I've came this far and I need to thank you for all you've ever done and gone through, I know I'm bad at closeness and I'm sorry I pushed you away, No matter what I will never walk away and I will always love you, please josh know deep down that that is true. Wherever I am i want the best for you, I'll be your shoulder although i may not be there, I will be strong showing you i care, And when she lays by your side, I will not regret my wishes or dreams that didn't come true, Look what she has now, and i'm lucky because she is good at loving you. I miss you josh dont get me wrong, this is good for you. i will ALWAYS love you.*