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please dont jugde me no one knows this so please just read and tell me

Sometimes I can still smell him on me, I can feel him breathing on me. He is in my nightmares, sometimes I feel like he is watching me but he isnt. I want the memories to fade away like my scars. Part of me wonders how I could have someone like Daniel I'm DAMAGED goods. I was broken before the rape. I think what Fucked me up was I was molested my a girl (yes a girl). Every summer I went to my grandmas house NO ONE KNEW OR EVEN KNOWS!! Shit I blocked it out for a long time then the rape happened and it was like everthing hit me all at once. I dont know how to deal with it, I kinda felt weird and gross, I thought back then it was normal, So from then on until I was about 11 or 12yrs I thought it ment I was gay! And I have kissed other girls when i was younger. Now that I look back I regret everything I wish I could take everything back and i wish i would of said something sooner. No one knows how much i hate my self for the things that happened. I hope one day I can forgive my self.

And I have nothing against homosexual people, I just know that I am not a Homosexual but to me i just thought it was kinda weird to be touched like that by a girl.. I hope you all know i have nothing against them! they are just like me and you!!

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Comments (5)
  • orasankara@yahoo.co.uk Hello My name is Ora i saw your profile today at(www.lovelandia.com)and became interested in you,i will also like to know you more,and if you can send an email to my email address,i will give you my pictures here is my email address (orasankara@yahoo.co.uk) I believe we can move from here! Awaiting for your mail to my email address Remember the distance or age or color does not matter. Miss.Ora.
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    • Please i ask in the kindess way i can look for a lady on Tv named Joyce Meyers she is a preacher but she was raped as you and she can tell you what you need to do. I have plenty to say but she is direct and and to the point she is what you need believe me when i say this i learn from her every time i see her. Remember that to learn is the greatest thing in life to see what life is not what you want it to be and except what you can not change. "A friend"
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      • yu cnt hate urself for sumthin u ddnt hepl cause. good works in misterious ways. the only way yu can grow ass a person is let the past be the past and let it all goo. becuz if u dnt get over it it will always happen to yu. i had sumthin similar happen to me but it takes a gudd person to forgive and forget. i still talk to that person. they are now the heplless ones instead of me. yaa i had a lot off hurt too n i no i am the string person i am today. so keep ur head held high n dnt let no 1 get u down.
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        • I saw that you wrote but I can't reply....the mail system isn't working on my profile. But I'm doing OK.. Glad you're still OK too.
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          • yea but things have been a little hard
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