Dixie

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I do not care how you judge my style, I do not care how this system works. The thing that cannot stop me from writing what I have, is the burning inspiration buried in my chest. So whatever you say, you cannot stop me from doing anything.
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Yesterday - a painful tragedy had plunged me into darkness that shattered my heart, body and soul into pieces... It's neither a tragedy of love nor tragedy of emotions. The pain that I feel is so real, It numbs my limbs It eats thru my flesh, It feeds thru my blood… Today – I’m not a different person as I’ve always been. It's just that now, I’m imprisoned in a steel wheel chair… The cold touch of its steel, leaves an eerie feeling in me. I was confused for a second, lost for sometime... Is this happening to me? Am I meant to be bound like this forever? Will my love ones support me? Will my love one stay with me? Hundreds of question hammered into my mind, Seeping into my mind, causing an unheard chaos in me! Do I still have hope to recover? Can I still live the same life? Argh, the questions caused me to suffer inner outrage in me! Tomorrow - is a day where my life is going to be renewed. Even without my limbs to support me, even without the person that I trust and love most... I shall never ever let these ruin my life. Because I know, even with my disabilities I’m still me but a much stronger person, Even if I’m imprisoned in this cold wheelchair, my heart soul and mind is ever free like a golden eagle soaring high in the blue horizon... My life's journey does not stop because of my physical disability, I know, I will meet true caring friends along my way And along the way, I know, I will find love again... This time, it’s only going to be true love!
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At all times, it seems like life's journey is so easy for me to grasp. It's as simple as counting the fingers on your hand. It's just like taking a walk down a friendly path amongst the lush greens with the whispering breeze that encircles your body on a majestic Sabbath sunset. Breathing is like taking in life to the lungs and breathing death out. It is like drinking up the very elixir of life that not many people have taste. Innocence - is to be ignorant of the troubles that this world brings to our daily life. Blowing it away to another dimension while repeating the words, «Everything is going to be alright...Yes, everything is going to be alright". As we bring the mind and the heart near to perfectness of pure bliss, suddenly everything started to dissolve in the Sabbath sunset. Falling into the depths of thick darkness...Things become more vivid, blurry and unclear for the heart and mind to see. Falling deep down in my own thoughts... I open my eyes and kept silent for seconds. Is it a dream? I sigh. Yes it is. My little piece of heaven was just ethereal… Non existence, a fantasy. But I know, deep down in me, that little piece of heaven do exist - Unseen by the naked eye.
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It’s difficult to grasp why life can't be how I want it to be, how negativity caused numbness to me like a hidden cancer eating me alive... My heart is hard, so cold and lifeless the things that surround me, the pain that is inside me, I no longer feel because for all this time, I’ve absorb all the pain, the complications, the sadness... A broken heart had caused... For so long, I’ve cocooned myself in my own realm, now only waiting to emerge from yesterday's grief time can only tell...
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The freedom... I want, I seek, I dream, I chase, I desire, I aim... The freedom I owned is now the freedom I lost now it is my addiction, my lust, I'd kill for, burn and die for, my revenge I thirst for.... It is my freedom, and yes, I'd sacrifice my life and soul for it... Why is it difficult for me to gain freedom; For my mind, my soul, my heart... What is this invisible iron chains that is chaining me? Who's invisible hands is this holding my mind and inspirations behind me? I'm a freedom seeker, no matter how strong this chains are, how your powerful grip hold me back, with the last strenght that I have, till the slowest beat of my heart, to my last breath... I will forever fight back
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Some people believe that slumber with your true love is... Having pillows of deep longing of 2 person for each other, sharing one blanket of love, 2 bodies touching and feeling each other skin to skin,showering passionate kisses, bodies entwined, tightly hugging under the 3 lights of deep longing, love and passion...
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I wished I could sleep by your side at this moment. To feel your breath on my neck, to touch the warmth of your skin on my skin, and enjoy the loving kisses that you give... I know I can't. Because now... That is only my thoughts, that is only my longing. I wish I can be with you someday. In a place where our relationship is not limited by culture, race and religion. So remember that I will always miss you. And always love you...
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It's really a touching day, when you say, that you feel for me, that you missed me, that you really love me for the past 4 years I knew you. I did not know this, I didn't see it happening right in front of my eyes, the friendship we had... You turned it into love!But deep down in my heart, you can never imagine what I felt for you too... I really miss you. I really long for you. I feel the same way as you do! Why didn't both of us see the friendship that we had, we turned it into love. Secretly?! Why!? I was relieved, as well as you. We knew our feelings and we knew our hearts. Through the hundred miles we stand from each other, we built it through love sms. As the feelings get stronger, I feel more attached to you, as you are to me. I miss you a lot. Definitely, I love you with all my heart. But, although this world is round, it is never so fair. We had our differences, religion differences. For one second, I hate how this world is ordered. Why are we measured by our race, our culture and our religion? Why? I find it hard to say it to you. Tonight at 10.30 pm, I called you and told you, we shouldn't be together. You were silently for a while, I was holding back my tears, I know you try to sound strong. But I know, that is a lie. I know, you felt the loss, The lost of me - your love one. The lost of our love right? How I can't wish you every night and day that I love you and I miss you? It's only been 7 days, since you told your feelings for me. Now, I think that it is my fault that I made you feel so sad. But baby I'm sad! I don't want to make things bad, just because of what I said! Before our hearts are shattered into millions of microscopic pieces as we grow more attached to each other in the future, it is good if we could talk about this earlier. Make decisions for us. Make decisions for the future... I know now, I can only call you as friends. But deep down in this small heart of mine, I want you to know, I still keep the remnants of the love that I had for you. And always wishing that you will find someone like you someday...
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Falling in love is like... having butterflies in my tummy, getting a sudden fever when I'm not ill at all, having my heart racing 200 miles/hr, making my head dizzy, standing still in the course of time, having to wake up from a dream, nature is rejoicing in the air, having the whole sky fall on your head...ouch! P/s: that is how I FEEL about falling in love. I feel happy at the same time I feel sad too. It's a wierd feeling. How do you feel falling in love?
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I'm a borneo princess, born on the 7th day of the 7th moon, I'm showered with kisses... love and compassion, by my father king and mother queen... they say: your birth was magical, mysterious and mystical, the bamboos chime and the winds sang... the rivers rushed a lovely music as the glorious mountains rang... the fire pheonix flew in the air swirling above your head, as the pagan priest smeared "nunuk ragang" sap to your forehead, to symbolize your origin, to symbolize your land, because you are born to defend the clan, not with brawn but with brain. I am a dusun princess, reaching my 22 years of my life, on the 7th day of the 7th moon, pondering on the responsibility... pondering on the strife... "Oh,what will come?" I say, as I walked slowly into the palace today...
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(broken promises) So I bite my lip, Swallow back tears, Never knew that you could bring all these fears. The fear of losing you, You who said you loved me, The fear you'll leave me alone - For all of eternity. I never asked you to wait. Yet you promised you would. I said you shouldn't, You told me you could. So you gave me your word, I thought you could cope. Yet today I sink down and sob, Into my shards of hope. My ivory tower collapsed. Now it is I who can't cope.
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Let me light it up like a thousand candles, Shine on this love on this different angles, Pull my body tight baby don't ever let go, Your body's so warm let me kiss it somemore. Everytime I want it, you take me for a ride, In love's palace I am the Queen by your side, Tonight is the time for the bodies to unite, To hold you tight under the full moon light. You can swim in my deepest sea, Climb the highest mountain to your destiny, I won't stop rockin' cause your body's so good... Let me satisy because she never could... Make your world go round in a single bout, Cause that's what love's about, Make your body sweatin' screaming for more, Make you feel good like you had never before.
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Are you looking for a girl who understands, The kind of girl who would always hold you by the hand, Who will Love you everyday and every single night, Such no more cause I know the girl who'd love you right,Better than your ex who never treat you good, You are worth more than gold so at least I should, Show you the meaning of destiny and faith, Kiss you on your lips while we are on a date, Don't fight emotions... Don't reject... Feel my affection and wear it around your neck... This situation gets more tensed as the more we linger, I feel the time's right to wear your love around my finger, Your mind tells me that you wanna feel me, Whispering to me your body's yearning for me, If you want it hot till the break of dawn, Let's adjourn to my crib so we can get it on...
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