My name is Stacey and like many people, I have gone through stages of my life where I have felt disillusioned and downright bored at the direction my life is going. Something I have always prided myself on, however, is my desire to change things I am not satisfied with. Most people deviate me from them because of I am a FAT woman.
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To: Ms. Stacey Brown
What: Desert Hot Springs High School Reunion
When: 25th of March
Where: Desert Hot Springs High School Gymnasium
See you there!

I didn’t know if I’ll feel excited or upset when I received the invitation two days ago. It has been 20 years since we last saw each other. Gee, it feels like only yesterday. Am I that old already?

I try to look back to what happened since we parted that bright June morning. It was our graduation and everyone was excited to embark on the exciting world of college. Oh okay, not everyone. But since that day, I never looked back to high school and tried to focus on what’s ahead.

The invitation in my sweaty palm, I had a hard time deciding whether to go or not. It has been a 20 long years and I didn’t know whether to feel excited or anxious. I heard some of my classmates were successful already, owning numerous luxury cars and vacation villas. Some married rich businessmen; others having the best time traveling the world, whereas I am only a meager secretary at a small real estate company. You see I wasn’t able to finish college. I met John when I was in third year college; we fell in love and I got pregnant eight months later. I was so in love with him, I forgot to dream again. And so boom, there goes my kid.

The day of the reunion came. I dressed in my old, but presentable Sunday dress and worn out flip flops. I took the bus to school and decided to get off a few blocks so I can have a few minutes to see what has become of our Alma Matter since we left. As I was nearing the gymnasium, I wanted to go back home. I felt like I didn’t belong there. Porches and Mercedes were parked in front. My former classmates were in elaborate plus size gowns. I say plus size ‘cause they have somehow grown heavy this past years. Others were in branded suits, which made them look like they came out of a GQ magazine.

I looked at myself and felt pity to my worn dress (which looked like it came from a store that sells nothing but plus size prom dresses). Tears slowly tumbled down my eyes. I turned around and slowly made my way home. Then suddenly everyone was calling me.


Stacey Brown!
I turned around and squinted at what I saw; my high school classmates in their uniforms and pigtails, carrying heavy backpacks. Then, a high shrilling of a bell sounded from somewhere. And I heard my mother calling me.

“Staceyyyyyyy! Get up now, or you’ll be late for school again!”
What the heck! There goes my mother, in her red apron. It’s 20 years back, and I’m still 26 years old.

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A few months ago, I’ve not been a good mother and wife. I’ve been working so hard I hardly have time for my son, my husband and myself.  My son does not talk to me like he used to I am afraid he doesn’t find me as his confidant anymore. My husband has been telling me to take some time off if I don’t want our kid to find the father he needs some place else. 

So, I decided to file a vacation leave from work.  I booked us a weeklong European Cruise complete with a tour to some of the notable cities in Europe. I wanted it to be something we could do together; enjoy the ocean and the remarkable European sights while getting a taste of the English culture (and cuisine). After all, my wife is part English, so I knew she’ll appreciate my effort.

I knew from the look on my husband and son’s faces when we got home that it was a well worth it trip. I had a great time bonding with my son and my husband. Actually, the trip was part-leisure, part-anniversary celebration. My husband and I celebrated our 9th anniversary on that cruise. The crew was very helpful. They decorated the dining hall with paper chains, lanterns and other fripperies.  I barely recognized it when we came for the dinner I especially asked the crew to prepare for us.  The crew was dressed in fancy evening full figure formal wear; the men in tuxedo with chic men’s neckties and stunning formal suits, and the women in exquisite and elaborate gowns.  On the tables were hats and turbans in gold and silver, there were even trumpets and tinsels made for such occasions.  The menu cards, with ribbons and tassels, were longer than usual.  My son was really amazed on what he saw – clowns, colorful balloons, and funny and tricky magicians.  Their eyes were glistening all night.  We felt so relaxed, happy and contented that night.  That surely was a wonderful and unforgettable vacation.

Until today, when I remember that cruise, I can’t forget the happiness and glistening eyes of my husband and son. I realized that there’s nothing more important to me than my family, and so, I promised myself to be the best wife and mother in the world and spend more time with them.

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I do not know how this madness started; all I know is that I want her back, badly.

My mother was very angry at me this morning. I did not clean the garage and washed her plus size gowns this week as scheduled.  She keeps talking to me as if I am a child needing an advice.  What she didn’t notice is that my girlfriend and I already broke up a week ago.  I don’t want to tell her; she loves Annie, and has always wanted her for me. So, I kept my silence.  I was really heartbroken. 

Last night, I was alone in my room listening to the radio while strumming my old guitar.  I can’t sleep; her face kept haunting me that forlorn evening.  I went to the terrace to breathe some fresh air and relax my mind.  As the swift air dampens my skin, it’s like she hugged me tightly and I instantly felt her warmth.  The moon and stars were silent that they seemed to know the unbearable pain in my heart. 

It was past 2:00 in the morning, still I was awake.  The village was still and calm.  I looked down at the pool, the moon light reflects on it and my face as well.  Suddenly, tears fell.  I silently cried letting the tears drown my sorrow knowing that I am wounded deep within that no one can cure.  I opened a beer and got myself drunk.  It was 10:00 in the morning when I woke up.  I didn’t notice that I feel as sleep; all I remembered was I cried that night longing for her.

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