Now and for all I have realized that my life has been a burden all these years, that I had locked myself between years of memories and hopes that will never come true, because there is nothing left. I had closed a book in my life that kept dear feelings and memories, but I never threw it out, I never burned it, and now is here to hunt me again. All I want is to be free, to have peace of mind and soul, to feel love where I can reach it, to feel grateful and most important, to feel happiness. Maybe I’m a selfish person, I’ve had it all, and I still ask for more.
I might need to go to sleep one night, and dream and find something on that dream that would help me out of this turbulence. I have tried thinking and convincing myself of things, I have tried to believe the most authentic lies I could think of, but I just can’t do it. I’m still locked in here, and every time I hear the sound of your voice I can see clearly everything in my heart. Even if I never heard of you again, even if I never read your letters, or saw your pictures, you will come back to my mind every time I listen to a song in the radio, any time I see the birds fly and be free, any time I sit and look out in the rain, you will come to me.
I guess some of us are born to experience the strangest things, like this love, if you want to call it. Some of us will never have the answers to our questions, and will be in doubt for life. I have realized that there is nothing on this planet that can make me forget you, nothing that can make me hate you, or even feel this same way for another human being, it doesn’t exist. I have given up now, and will go on with my heavy and wet life on my shoulders, until I reach the end of this road, and maybe one day we will meet, and be free, and run, and dance like we dreamed, maybe even kiss, and caress each other, like we had planned long time ago. The only mistake I made was thinking that you would love me like I do; think that I could make you come back to me. To look back down into that endless hole in my life, and try to reach something that is deep down there, where not even time can take me to it again, its dark, and dead, its cold and wet, its buried down there, there is nothing left to grab, nothing left, that was my mistake.