Midna Black

I am 22 years old. I guess you could say, i am a girl who struggles with reality, and secretly ((not so secret anymore)) wishes her dreams were the real deal. But deep inside i know they never will be.
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I stuggle for my sanity,
Try to keep my humanity.
Livingin my dreams,
Trying to figure out what it all means .
Life is no prize...
I really hope it doesn't come as a surprise '
That we're all just living to die
You shouldn't even bother asking why
No one hears you,
They don't even care what you do...
Regardless if you drown,
Or you try to smile and you end up with a frown
You can have a love so true,
Only ending up with the question of why you went through
With loving someone who used you as a tool
Oh, what a fool.
Don't even try to fight,
For what no longer is in sight. 
They left you...
There's nothing you can do. 
No reason why you should even care.
They aren't even there.
You hold yourself back...
Try to get your thoughts back into whack
Think of it with logic...
Don't let yourself give a shit. 
It's better to be harsh...
Then to feel the rush,
Of feelings you don't want to feel. 
Knowing they shouldn't be real.
Get a grasp on reality...
Realize there is no beauty.

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There was a feeling in her heart,
An uncanny, sick, twisted version of "love"
And addiction that could kill,
Without any injections or substances,
A look that could kill without the glare of an eye.
A love sweet and innocent,
Apparently something rather heaven-sent.
Apparently...not.
The girl was filled with lies, and cynical anger.
She liked seeing people suffer;
The Sadist, she watched them scream in their pain.
Or get consumed by their nightmares.
She was seductive,
Destructive.
Beyond any evil a normal human could begin to grasp
The wiser would scream,
And scream,
Warning all, to stay away.
From taht nasty little harlot,
They didn't care.
Didn't listen, they allowed the murder of their own hearts.
The slaughter if you will.
"Stay away, stay away" the wiser still warns.
Don't trust the one with the not so obvious horns.
They accuse the wiser of being jealous.
But there's no reaosn to be jealous,
Of pure lust.
That comes with a risk.
Of so much more than pain.

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You can try to hide the lies,
Hide them behind your own eyes
But a heart you cannot fool-
Cannot rule,
Lurks on the outside.
Don't you wish the tide
Would tame such a rampent being
But you aren't seeing
The colors the heart shines-
All you must do to see is look, miss the inner lines
Must you be so dense?
Must you miss this chance?
Freedom is what sets us apart-
Makes us in charge of our own heart.
If we knew not of freedom-we'd know not of dream-
If we knew not of dream we'd know not of the unseen.
((I am considering this as unfinished work- And seeking any assistance in finishing it if possible))

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Where are you?
I'm ready to admit I was wrong.
I shouldn't have said those words, I thought wouldn't be so strong.
I just thought... no...
I was scared...
No petrified...
I wasn't ready...
For you to be mine.
And now... my sun doesn't shine...
My heart won't continue on,
Unless your heart, is still loving and strong.
I love you,
You're still apart of me...
You made me who I am today...
Where-ever you are ...
I hope you know...
I'm not the girl who hides who she really is...
((Well not in that way))
I'm the part of me... you admired,
Maybe even loved.
I'll never know,
And maybe I prefer not knowing,
How much you cared about me...
Please...
Where-ever you are...
All I need is forgiveness...
Forgive me...?
Please.
I'm so ashamed of my rude, spiteful tongue
... Please....
Back then...
I didn't realize...
You were the reason for my smile...
My laughter...
My reason for not losing my grip...
I'm so very sorry...
For being so immature...
... Please...
...Forgive Me...

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I'm Tired..::

I'm tired of listening,
To your over-rated lies,
I'm tired of dying,
In those damned eyes.

I'm tired of crying,
Over nothing
I'm tired of bleeding,
Over something so misleading.

I'm tired of staring out the window,
Hoping you might show your face,
I'm tired of daydreaming,
Of a better life.

I'm tired of dreaming,
Of love so true,
I'm tired of thinking,
Of all we've been through.

I'm tired of what i want,
Because what i want is you,
I'm tired of what i need,
Cause that's you too.

I'm tired of trying to push you away,
When i can't succeed for even a day.
I'm tired of watching the years go by,
Through some kind of glass.

And most of all,
I'm tired of these damned poems,
I write to show my pain,
I'm tired of them,
Because they're driving me f***ing insane.

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Cyclones::

Destroyed and damaged from the winds of hope
I tried to cope.
With the damage and destruction I've caused,
But I couldn't ... So I stayed in the cyclone of the wind,
Trapping myself, So I couldn't breathe.
Spreading a disease,
Beneath my own skin,
Killing myself,
With every breath I breathed
The damage is deep,
The scar it still bleeds.
Every time I dream,
A new wound is made from the fierceness of the wind
And my mind,
Wanders into the hope,
Sometimes it's so hard to substain.
Every new bit of pain,
But I survive,
Regardless of the odds against me.
I believe sometimes,
I was supposed to die, within the winds,
Hope...was supposed to be my death.
Hope... was supposed to be my murderer
Guess somethings... that were supposed to be...
Were never ... well... supposed to be.
If I have to stay trapped in this cyclone for as long as I live I will.
...Or...I can run forever... and see how far I get... alone.
The damage of cyclones is beyond "skin deep"
The damage of your own mind,
Could drive you insane...
Dreading today,
Dreading tomorrow,
And dreading the future to come...

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Now she was taken away, By the tides, from that horrible storm There wasn't any going back now, She was stuck, Drowning in her misery, From the constant rejection, Of her one true love, Nothing could save her now, Not even his kiss, Or the touch of his hands, which she greatly missed She held her breath, as the tides took her under She struggled for her last breath of air, But it would come no longer, Drowning in defeat, She realized this was best, her own death Why live a life without the one person that makes you whole? The on that makes everyone else seem to disapear with just one look into those eyes.... Why did he have to lie? To himself. Why did he ignore his own heart... His own soul Why didn't he realize she made him whole? She seen it in his eyes, Why could he see it in hers? Why was her whole life meaningless without him in it? Why didn't anything else matter? She felt something grab her wrist and pull her slightly above the consuming water's edge It was him, His eyes drenched with tears She was his one true fear, For the moment... Would he let her go, Let her fall back into the consuming tides? Or would he save her? Would he save the one that cares for no one but him? Or would he let her die?

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A love undying, A heart withered and crying. Whispers of nothing, Meaning something. To a girl naive, and strong. Giving up on nothing, But her heart's "something" She loves him, no doubt. But he's everything she fought. Loving someone was never what she wanted, Until now, now that she's haunted, By a kiss meaning nothing, To him. A kiss that seeps through her heart like poison, To a wound. She knows nothing but the kiss, She knows he's hers, he's what she missed, All along. But she fights a constantly losing battle, Yet she still refuses to settle, For his nothing. She knows inside that they were meant to be, Yet, she knows he doesn't see. Blinded by another girl's venom, He refuses to let go. Yet she believes, In what he says "I love the both of you, I just don't know what to do, Please don't let go" So she refuses, To let go, Listening to her heart Which tears her apart, She believes deep down, He's like a confused child, believing that he's drowned, In the tides of his mistake. She clings to that kiss, For the hope that someday, He'll fix his mistake, Make it better for her sake.

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I wish the pain would numb And my heart and soul would just move on. But they're determined to drown in misery it seems, They're in love with a dream. They've wished and wished, To be caught in bliss. But dreams never come true, And this i know, Because of all the dreams I've ever known, Have been ripped from my heart, Am i supposed to live a dreamless life, Without the love i yearn for? I see no purpose in living it. And i don't really give a sh*t, About anyone but him.((the reason of my pain)) And I don't understand why I've cried over and, Over, over him. Yet i still love him. My heart is his And there's nothing i can do about it. I've tried and tried, To just forget him. But i can't... There's no end to this circle... I've tried living with the pain... I've tried ignoring it... I've tried cutting through it... I've tried moving on... I've tried EVERYTHING, To stop my heart and soul... Nothing works.. Why do i have to feel this way??? Is this punishment for some sin I've committed, Along the way. Something completely unforgivable... Something that condemns me to be denied happiness... Denied the only thing i've ever wanted...love?? I beg the pain to be taken away... But i guess you can't take something you were born with away...

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An angel fallen from the highest cloud, Because she longed for something forbidden and grim, Something more unmentionable, Then the sins. The love and longing for a devil, Someone the higher beings thought cruel and evil, But this angel seen something bright in this demons eyes. Behind his longing for demise. Kindness, and compassion like she had never seen. She thought it must of been, Her imagination. But she kept watching him...and she realized it wasn't, The demon was true, And she would prove, The rest of the higher beings wrong, She fell for him, Fell all the way from cloud ten. Ignoring the screams of protest, And the looks of hate. She knew what she must do, She knew it was right, it was written in her blood, true. She fell right into the demons arms, Surprised at how warm he was, She jumped and ran away, Foolish and unsure what to stay. She walked back towards him and stared into his eyes. But now she seen lies, And betrayal. She stammered back a bit, And the demon looked at her confused. She said quietly under her breath "I'm sorry I shouldn't have pursued..." He looked deeply into her eyes. He must have realized she was one, he should demise... His face tightened and he grimaced. But that's when she noticed the kindness, and compassion within him... He reached for her now black, bleeding wings and touched them gently. "Why would you let that go?" She smiled and said "Sometimes, there's better things out there than heaven"

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You touch me and my blood turns warm, I wish not to harm, That girl you're with, But I love it when you hold me. Can't she just leave us be? I know I love you more then her, Because feelings as strong as these don't exist, In an ordinary relationship. My heart beckons for yours, So this love could just be ours. Because it melts when you kiss my forehead, Or Even just my cheek. I always wish, I was as lucky as her. Because she's got everything i want, And Need, You. ...Oh how i wish, my wishes could come true. But ...they never do. I know you love me, I can see it in your eyes, When you look into mine. ...You make me happy, Like no other, You make me smile, When i don't want to When I'm...With you, Everyone can see... The light in these, Brown eyes... ...How is wish... they could always shine...

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I sit and wonder now, And think about how, To move forward. Should I just be a coward, And pretend, To be her friend, Because I know we tear you apart inside, You try to hide, How you want us both at your side But we just don't get along, Because with you is where we both believe is where we belong. But one of us needs to step forward and push our differences aside, Because I hate it when you just can't seem to smile, And a smile is the least I can ask for. So even though, It'll be tough, To even stand her presence, And I long for vengence, Against her, I love you, And I want to see you happy, And I'd sacrifice my own happiness, For yours, Because that's what 'Best Friends Forever' do for each other. Right?

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Midna Black
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