destinie

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hi
my name is destinie
i love writing but i dont let most people read...
i guess um just scared of what they have to say
most of my writing is about a guy who i had been with for 2 years but we went through a lot!
as you cant probobly tell if you read my recent poems we are no longer together,
but were still not over eachother!
its hard be with someone when you no longer live in the same state...
we made it work for about a year...
before everything started falling apart
if you read my writing you will get my life!
i am not the most sane person in the world.
but no1 is,
i kno im not older and people can be judgementle and doubt me
but i have been through a lot!
Relationships
Empty
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i miss it you know. having you around, when i need somewhere to fall. you said you would always be there that we'd go through it all. for a while i thought we actually could 'just be friends' then, you started disapearing, little by little. i talked to you less. thought of you more. and now i just feel like some other whore. i was your first but i know im not the only. im just the one that got you into it. sometimes i feel like its my fault that you are the way you are. like i gave you the confidence. i introduced you to it. i catch myself wondering if it wasnt me, would it have been someone else. would you still be the same guy. its like sex took you over. you used to be you! we used to be able to hang out without you trying to get in my pants every two minutes. i just miss you. the old you. sometimes when we talk all night long. i still think your the same guy. and then when you come over i remember, you just want some. i cant help it though, i can keep myself away. i know i shouldnt talk to you, i know i shouldnt see you. everytime i do it leads to somthing else.
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lately i dont kno what to say to you nor do i kno how how this will effect us does it matter now? i dont kno how youll take it or if its even woth it to say i dont want to lose you over somthing this gay i kno youv already herd it and you said never again but i cant take it this time it begins as i watch you fade away its the distance i fear i dont kno how to tell you i wish you were here you dont like me writing but this ones not bad its about you but this ones not sad i have wanted to tell you but when its you i get scared scared that im losing you this time its not fair it wasnt soposed to end like this or even end at all this time you just watched watched as i fall i fell into peices without any help i pulled it together as i show no pain i leared that showing fear only makes you weak i only wanted to say thanks for kicking me when i was down if it wasnt for you i never would have found myself Modified by notlovedbyu22
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i dont know why i keep torchering myself... looking at you with her... there just pictures... i still wish i could could burn um... i dont know what went rong with me... its like i just got old... like you got tired of me and tossed me in the cold... i didnt want me and you...to ever ever end... and iv been strong... well up untill now... i feel like crying... but i know ill hit the ground... i gave you everything, every part of me... that wasnt enough... 2 years of it... THEN you replace me... i cant take this ive really got to go.. back to my old habbits, only you would kno... you make me do this... dont you see? i feel crazy! but thats the way youve made me... cutting...my only escape... from you from her.. hell...thats wat it takes...
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i stoped wearing your shirt to bed... so i dont think of you at night... i stoped calling... thinking i would be alright i stoped leaving you messages... you dont answer anyway i stoped talking about you... thinking i would be ok i stoped pretending that you love me... because i dont believe that lie i stoped wanting you to call me... because i dont want to cry i stoped wishing you were mine... i dont want you anymore i stoped thinking that you cared... because i know i want it more
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i hope it hurts to see me gone... i hope you live with pain... i hope you wake up crying at night... and even say my name... i hope that life is a living hell... with no comfort,at all... somthing like youv made mine...with no place to fall i hope that one day you stop to think...that you want me back... i hope that you realize that love now is somthing that you lack... i hope that i have the strangth to keep myself away... i hope somtime i look back and laugh upon this day... i hope that you will always regret what youve done to me... i hope someday that u look back and then you hit your knees... i hope that you drop your head in sorrow that im gone...and then you notice that YOU left...and love is just a con Modified by notlovedbyu22
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you said that you loved me... you said that your sure... that you wouldnt regret it... and you stopped talkin to her... once again i believed you but i talk to her to... she told me everything and all about you i didnt care...i had to talk to you first you said you didnt care about her... but you kno it still hurt... your my first love and i hope your my last but talking to her ill never let it pass... if you want to be with her...well then kiss my a**
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its been a while, since you messed us up.
i thought u were over the games.
until u decided to give her a call, and u called me, by her name.
i dont know why you think this is fun,with all the pain a tears.
its getting old, i dont diserve this sh*t, common its almost been 2 years.
i cant believe you'd mess this up. its hard to trust u now.
with all the lies, the pain you cause, just to stay in play.
in this game of yours,
your the pitcher.
I'm the batter.
you, control the game.

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im like an old statue...falling apart...peice by peice!!!
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toast:
to love that is addicting.
to tears that i have cried
to all my nights spent waiting, and all the things ive tried,
for us to stay together,
for us to make things right.
to all the times you told your friends, your just in it for the nights.
to all the times I've asked about it,
and all the the times you lied.
to every time i heard it,
to every time i cried.
to that one night i listened in, on a call you made to her.
to every word you said,
to every word i heard.
Modified by notlovedbyu22

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i hate how when i think of us, i see her standing there,
and when i ask about her, you say you never cared.
that was just a lie, and now i really know, how you feel about her and how YOU let me go.
-how she was more important than i would ever be
and now i wish i would have left, but instead i came to see, the love you had for her, yet the love you gave to me.
i hate that feeling, when you know your second best.
its like someone took the heart and ripped it from your chest.
when it hurts that bad all you do is cry, you put on a front yet you wanna say good-bye.
to the one you really love, who never loved you back.
its like they took a knife and put it in your back.its hard to smile, and hard to laugh.
i manage to fake it, yet all the feelings they come back.
over and over again, its the same old freakin crap.
we get close, we mess up, and now i really know, that the love you gave to me, was really just a show.
i know now, and now i know for sure.
your a damn good liar and i hate that it was her...