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Phone Rules

Women love the phone. To some, curling up with a glass of wine and the phone is the equivalent of us men hitting the pool hall. To guys, the phone is an alien world -- one that we visit as rarely and briefly as possible. And when we do make a call, we often feel like a fish out of water, which is perhaps why calling women is sometimes daunting .




But, the harsh reality is that making the phone call is needed if you want to succeed with women. In order to help you navigate your way through one of the most danger-fraught areas of dating, I’ve developed a guide of some basic phone call rules.

Wait two days to call

The first phone call rule to consider is when to call. Call too soon and you’ll reek of desperation; call too late and she may have lost all interest in you. Although some guys claim that the timing has to be precise -- almost to the hour -- you do have some margin for error.



If you've just acquired her number, wait at least two days before calling. Don't make the mistake of calling her the very next day just to let her know that you're interested -- she'll think you have no real life to get on with. But don't wait too long -- make that call within four days, before she gets angry or, worse, forgets who you are. Nothing is more humiliating than trying to jog her memory with the happenings of the night that you met: "I met you the other day; the funny guy with the cornflower blue tie..."



Once you enter the dating phase of the relationship, this phone call rule becomes more relaxed. After a date, always call within two days. You don’t have to arrange another date with this call; it can be made simply to thank her for a good time. It's also a good chance to gauge her interest level.

Have a reason for your call

This phone call rule states that you should always have a reason to call her. Women love to sit on the phone and chat the hours away, but they should do this with friends, not you, Romeo. Call her up with a purpose in mind; it can be as simple as to check or confirm something. For example, if she’s a fashionista, you can call her for some style pointers. Throughout the conversation take charge of it and steer it. Don't let her spin it and go off on a tangent; what starts as a simple mention of a seafood restaurant can turn into her recounting all the fishing trips that her dad dragged her on.



After three or so months, the phone call rules deem it acceptable to be more spontaneous in making a call. You still must have a reason for it, but the reason needn’t be as rigid as it was in the earlier stages. You can call her to tell her about a movie you just saw or how the business trip is going, but it's still forbidden to let her know that you’re calling just to hear her voice. If you must do this, have a fake reason to call, no matter how transparent it is -- besides, she’ll likely find it endearing.



While you are steering the talk, don't treat it like a call to your buddy: "Beer. Eight o'clock. See ya." Women need some substance in a call -- a little bit of padding, if you will.

Keep it brief

So, aside from the real reason for the call, what do you talk about? Ideally, you are calling to get to a point, keep it sweet and get out of there. Keep in mind that this is the warm-up for the date, not a date through technology, so do most of the talking in person. In the real world, however, she will want to talk for a while. Indulge her desire, but adhere to this phone call rule: Keep it short, with her wanting more.





Although you're taking charge of the call, don't dominate the conversation. Humor is always good, but don't overdo it or you’ll come across as a clown. Do not moan about your job, the football game or that really bad beat at poker -- these topics are for friends and bars. Don't open up about your fears or your hopes and sit alone in your favorite armchair, chatting until the sun comes up. The best thing to talk about is her.



You got her number, so you must know a little something about her -- talk about these things to personalize the call. Ask open-ended questions about her work, her friends or how her day has been; the beautiful part about such questions is that you can usually reply with just ”Yes” or ”Mmm” while still concentrating on the Xbox. Don't be afraid to move things along if she lingers on one topic too long.

End the call first

Just like the tired showbiz cliche, leave her wanting more. The key here is for you to be the one who terminates the call. The worst thing you can do is let the girl talk herself out and be the one to end the conversation. Don't be too brusque, but end the call when you want to.



At the start of the conversation you can tell her that the call will be quick. You can also have an excuse ready, such as an appointment to go to, pretending that someone is at the door or that you just got back from the gym and need to take a shower. Whenever you’re ready, just pull your excuse and hang up. You could even set a timer to give her five minutes then, bang! You're out of there.



The phone call rule to keep calls short and to the point is a very important one to adhere to: Women love to chat with their friends on the phone and if your phone time starts to outweigh time spent on a date, there's a danger of drifting into the friend zone.



By the way, never get into the ”You hang up,” “No, you hang up" thing. Just say OK and hang up if she tries to play that game.

Leave a message

If you get her answering service, don’t leave a message on your first attempt, despite the fact that she has caller ID. Wait a day to avoid looking desperate or aggressive before calling a second time, but this time leave a message. Keep your message short and safe -- meaning that you shouldn’t try to be too funny because it doesn't translate well in a message.



Don't overthink what to say, just speak normally. Always assume that her friends are with her and will hear it -- or at worst, her parents. Always ask her to return your call; this puts the ball in her court and if she doesn't call back, don't chase it -- she might be avoiding you.

Keep text messages to the point

As a society, we are increasingly communicating through non-verbal means. There's nothing strange about asking for a girl’s e-mail and contacting her through that. But the rules slightly shift here due to the lack of tone, timing and variable response times, all of which make these forms or communication a virtual minefield.



As with a verbal message, keep your text short, to the point, clear, and ask for a response. Don't try to initiate too much conversation through these means and try to get her on the phone as soon as possible. The immediate contact makes it seem more real. SMS should really only be used for practical functions, such as setting times and places.



Bear in mind these messages can be bounced around the globe in a matter of seconds, so don’t send anything embarrassing. Emoticons are the electronic equivalent of facial gestures, so use them to show that you are joking or being sarcastic. If you have no problem coming across as a player, flirting should be fine. But if you have any doubts about your ability, save it for the date -- the potential for failure is exponential with text.

got a hang up?

Not every phone call will go perfectly and some will never get returned. Remember that the hard part is getting the number; once you've managed that, she will be expecting your call. So, set your timer, remember these phone call rules and dial that number.

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