whispersandtears

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[continued] -


...
And that same girl
you'll find her gone

Might see a glimpse at dusk
but it's gone by dawn

Do you now see, my friend
that yes, for her, it is the end

But you and I
we are still here

teaching other
there is something to fear

You might feel like nothing
like she once felt

drinking and slowly dying
is how she dealt

Don't follow her lead
turn your head away

take the right path
and live to see another day.


(C)   ELaine 2009

, ,

Hold your head up high
to make it through the day

Don't listen to the lies
don't listen to what they say

They taint your mind, your body and life
causing you grief, hurt and strife

Avoid the crowds with bustling noise
talking they're secrets between girls and boys

They whisper to each other, smiling as they do
they push and glove, snickering to you

But plug your ears and walk away
you will powerful

Above them someday.


(C) ELaine 2009

, , , , ,

When the quiet creeps 'round
slowly, yet with ease

the night is filled with evil,
greed and hate and sleaze

The darkness shimmers
with a maddening smile

the sleep tainted scared
the awakening vile

The moon stares down
watching us all

the creatures come out
to they're sickening call

With slowly parting lips
gleaming red, sharp and bright

they hold you under,
against your might

because the stars gleam upon us
like shining, singing hymn,

the evil doesn't care
they'll rip you limb from limb

While all gods and The God
could banish them to Hell

they still let the evil lurk,
the insanity dwell


(C)ELaine 2009

, , ,

You see her there,
all wasted away

Dying Slowly
day after day

There they are,
the shadows on her face

Covering her body
in a quickening pace

She's gone in the evenings
dead in the morning

the drinks she devours
she's quietly hording

Someday she won't wake
then forever asleep

She drowned by the influence,
dragged down deep


(C) ELaine 2009



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She knows nothing, absolutely nothing

She spun me around and everything was a blur. I could feel
something in my mouth, my fist.

I was gagging myself,

Soft warm liquid ran over my palms

And I screamed!

Screamed!

Her hands were acid on my skin, pressing further into my
body.

“No, no, no!” I said, moving away. She couldn’t reach
further into my soul.

I covered my ears, not wanting any of my thoughts spilling
out.

I felt my head lolling side to side, was she shaking me? But
my neck was numb

And I giggled, chocking.

The people around me

All the people that loved me, I was killing.

Slowly, I was burning them one-by-one

Scaring them, they could see the hollowness in my eyes, the
absolute nothing in my heart.

And I stared at nothing, but I could see my mom back away,
crying.

She was screaming “No, no, no!” just like I was! But she was
afraid of me,

Or sad at what I’ve become.

Letting them see me go slowly insane, melting into walls,
becoming nothing

They wanted nothing more than a normal girl?

I laughed again.

A normal girl? They called me not.

“Normal, normal, normal” I said over and over again. Was I
saying everything out loud?

All I wanted- was nothing?

Everything was a dream?

But we’re all dead, we all don’t exist.

“Crazy!” I screamed. “Nothing! I feel nothing!”

I felt her acidic hands on me and I screeched, pulling away.

“I didn’t feel that, though?” I laughed.

I hated that look of confusion and sadness on her face.

I wanted it to go away.

“Do you feel? Bitch?!” I yelled

I leaned over and bit, hard, on her skin, I don’t know where.
She screamed and I laughed.

“Liar, liar! Your lying, you! You lie- you can’t feel it
either, just like me!”

They all think that I’m out of my mind.

And yes, they’re right.

I’ve been shown the way out, no longer trapped within my
mind.

But they couldn’t have my thoughts, no, no those were all
mine.

They’re tried to get those out of me, to understand. But I
wouldn’t tell them, I wouldn’t open my mouth, or get my hands off my ears to
let them take something out of my soul, to draw it out of me.

If they knew my thoughts they would know what I’m saying
makes sense! If they were released from they’re mind prison, they would know why
my words makes sense.

They’ve told me once or twice to not give in.

They thought I was giving into something bad? That’s the
thinking of someone trapped! I am released, and free!

“Free! I’m free! You can’t touch me now! When I wake up I’ll
fly!”

I shouted, realizing I was overjoyed.

I’ve walked through the fire. I laughed to myself; they
think I’m dumb, I’m wrong.

I need to talk to another person like me, though. They’d
know that we’re all free now,

“Hurry, hurry! We need to get all of the others free!”

I grabbed
my mothers arm, but this time she pulled away.

I pressed my hands on either side of her face and pulled her
close to me

“Fly away, go now! No, I forgot you can’t - I’ll help you. I
want to show you!”

God, I hate
those people. They try and take me away, only my body. They put me to sleep, in
my body.

Do they know that I can escape?

“Yes, I can escape you’re prison, in the stars! Count the
minutes I’m away and I’ll say thrice that I remember. Give me the poison that
tries to hold me down, but you see wrong. Are your glasses broken, sir? They
aren’t real, that’s not a problem I see, now. I will be sure to come back to
you, young sir. I will show you away.”

The white coated man left, far away, but he pulled me with
him.

But he was mine? I recognized him?

I was having hallucinations.

Insane! “Make it stop!”

(C)ELaine 2009

, ,

Smile!

Smile and dance, dance until you run out of breath.

... but savor those breaths.

Because, if you follow a shadow away into the garden you might no see his eyes.

The all-telling eyes, that are dark and decietful. They plot and plan. The eyes that will lead you to your doom.

Covered by a mask.

A mask.

A mask, indeed.

A smilling, colorful mask with sequins and feathers and long lashes, delicate and polite.

But remember, the stick is easily grabbed from the hand, the cord easily cut.  Of these victorian masquerade parties.

Just a mask!

Do you see? Do you see what powders the edges of the wine glasses?

Do you see the poison drops passed mouth to mouth,

The man passed out? drunken?

Or was it not at all an accident? Was he not passed out from too many glasses, but poisoned?

But just keep smiling and dancing.

Because if your time does come next, and the handsome man takes you by the glove to the courtyard,

you will no be able to resist.

So dance, because either you will or you will not, and fretting isn't going to help.

Ignore the open-eyed woman with the last drops of wine dripping out of her glass, lying on the couch. Who is she?

The mask!

Follow the mask.





(C)ELaine 2009

, , , , ,

If you walk into a carnival, you might see children. Running and screaming and spilling chilly dogs. You might see a stressed mother and a yapping couple, but what do you see after the carnival's over?

After the lights turned off and the smoke clouds up the sky and the wind rustles abandoned brochures?

You might be a lone stilts-man walking to his trailer, his long pale face wandering aimlessly.                                Seeing what you'll live up to be

You might see a card-player smiling at you from behind her curtains with almond eyes and a shiny crystal ball          Seeing your future mistakes and lovers

You might see a clown with it's face painted up, but turned down, its dark eyes peering with curiosity around            Seeing your emotions

You might see the serious ring master with a dark curl and a serious glare behind his top hat, holding his whip          Seeing your purpose, you reason for everything

You might see the acrobats, flipping around you. Teasing and bending, without a sound                                        Seeing inside of you, bending your soul

You might see the lizard man, and the flame thrower, and the bearded woman all without they're usual tiresome happiness. All seeing you the same way, but differently. They know who you are when your without a name tag

They know you. You know you better than you do.

At a carnival.

After the lights turned off and the smoke clouds up the sky and the wind rustles abandoned brochures.

At a carnival



(C)ELaine 2009

,

 

I'm still trying to figure myself out.

 

Why I'm different from everyone else. Everyone else walks around normally, sees normally and talks normally. Then I see through a red haze and I can see the little intentions behind certain words and the meaning of small gestures. I see the flickers of light bulbs going off inside of people. Why?

And there's something inside of me. I can see its not in other people. Only in me. It's dark and likes to see through the red haze. It gives into bad temptations and it wants me to be a different person. 

It wants to tempt, it wants to hurt and to seduce and feed. It longs blood and feels kin to things that are only alive in fiction. I can't express it, I can't let it loose, or I will be locked up. No one knows about it but me. And it is me. Sometime I look in the mirror and I see it staring at me, long white teeth ready to feed and a hungry gleam in its eye.

It scares me and it knows I'm afraid of it. It has strength I can't portray it has urges or evil, of pure psychotic evil that will consume and burn down everything in touches, and as it burns beneath my skin and scorches my insides, I still try to protect everything I see, and I touch. 

It hates me. And it loves me. It needs me and it wants to get rid of me. It burns and it stings and it smothers me when I'm sleeping. Special hospitals seem like a distant memory to me, a vivid memory to it. It remembers what that's like and the smiles and the freedom of mind. And how, in your mind, you can go places, in dimensions that scientists haven't discovered yet.

It tries to show me, but I can't let it. I will live that distant dream it has. Every night it screams at me to play with it. It wants to me act, so play.  But I'll be hurting others. It has no remorse or regret and takes that away from me. 

It tells me to pick fights, it tells me I'm better and can rise above, if only..

if only...

give in, it says.

if only to give in...

, , , ,

The fire swirled up all around me, and I stared at the
blaze, the haze it created, and I felt like I was dreaming. The person on the
other side of the fire stared blank back at me, wide eyed and demanding. She
smiled when I did. We reached for each other. The fire scorched my hand and all
of a sudden I was on fire. It didn’t really burn, it just kind of tingled, and
I sweat. I danced around, completely on fire, smiling, drenched with water, now
soaking.

I opened my
mouth and a big puff of smoke came out and I giggled. Everywhere I walked, a
trail of fire followed. It felt magical, so I touched everything. Then I looked
in a mirror and something inside of my snapped. I wasn’t the fire anymore, I
was the victim, and I was what was being touched. It consumed me, and for the
first second felt the sting, and then it was over.


ELaine TM

, ,

The girl's breathing increased as she dodged around and underneath the branches flying by. She knew she would be easily outran. "Come and play..." a taunting voice hissed, laughing. Tears streaked down the girl's face as she sobbed. "Get behind me, Satan" she mumbled, trying to run away from her fears. She heard the woman's horrifying laugh. A tall beautiful creature appeared in front of her. "So glad you could come" the woman smiled. "I want to kill you" she smiled, trailing her fingers down the girl's face, tracing the tears. "And I want you to suffer." The women tickled her neck. "I'm classy. I could choke you..." The woman tightened her hand around the choking girl's neck and held her above the ground, then dropped her. "I could break your neck..." She held her chin and forehead with her heads and slowly, carefully turned it to the side, the girl paralyzed with fear. "I could slit your throat" The woman took her long fingernail and moved it in a straight line along her neck. "But, you wouldn't really be suffering. I want you suffer" the eyes of the woman were no longer a fierce black, but a crazed gleaming midnight-shining color. She growled once before leaning in and kissing the girl lightly on the lips. The girl coughed, confused and felt her body numbing. "What did you do?" she sputtered out. "Making you suffer" The woman backed up. The girl looked down at her hands. They paled, so that all the veins were visible, and she gasped, coughing harder now. She touched her own, icy skin, and saw herself thinning, paling, dying. "Goodnight" The woman laughed.

, , , ,

On that special day, something happens.

I don't know if some chemicals are released in my brain, or the gears start malfunctioning, or if it's like that werewolf- full moon thing. But something happens

And that something is destined to ruin everything, it lurks just waiting for the perfect moment.

It makes me do things. Not in a psychical sense like I try to restrain but it forces me. More in away it makes me think differently. I become someone/something else.



I'm pretty sure by now it's evil. I do things I regret and would have never done. My main involvement is mildly torturing the control that guys have. It's horrible, and unfair and I watch them struggle. And I laugh.

Now I don't drain them of all happiness for the rest of their life so they're 24/7 sad or angry. I'm not some super-villain. But pretty damn close.

I seduce them. I taunt and tease and play in the most unfair ways. I see a guy the real me wants or a potential toy, and I go for them. I lure them away. I let them give up all they're morals and all they're standards, all they hold dear. And I take it gleefully, without regret until I snap out of it.



My favorite part is letting them drool beg for me and I smile and leave. They follow without thinking, without control. For my amusement, I watch the misery of them realizing the consequences, what they've done, and seeing the remorse in they're eyes, they're body spilling over with longing and desire.

Like a street whore, I tramped. I smothered my victim with love and feelings of importance, acceptance and the feeling of being needed. Then I'd snatch it back, taking back more than I gave, leaving him more hurt than before. Not long after, the line of unfullfilled, wanting men would pile up. And I'd dispose of them.

No, I didn't kill them. I did worse. I let them kill themselves. They were drove crazy with "love" or my favorite- "lust" and would fight each other until dead.



I'm a disaster. I'm literally a siren without a tail, a harpy without claws, a pixie without wings, and a vampire without the thirst for blood.

All dangerous in different ways, but more dangerous in a similar way.

Seductress, Temptress, Enticer, Allurer, Enchantress. Bitch. 



And I can't control it.


, , , ,

She sat before her vanity and stared at her reflection.
Shiny, olive skin and long dark hair. Her green eyes glistened and a cold
breeze swam in from the open window. Shivering, Maria wrapped her silk robe
around her waist and sealed it with a bow.

She retreated
to the window sill, sighing and for a moment let the wind tangle her hair.
After a minute she shut it and decided to retire to her bed.

Sliding off
her socks, Maria curled up underneath the covers. A chill soon shook through
her and she noticed it was coming from her room.

Switching on her bed light, she crawled cautiously over to
the open window. The one she had just shut.

“I must’ve forgotten”
she told herself, closing it and turning the lock.

Maria once
again got under the covers and shut he eyes. A wood against glass screech and
the clicking of a lock made her stiffen. Her eyes shot open and she froze. Was that the window? She thought. No…No, maybe I am just going a bit mad.

Slowly switching on her bed light, her head shot over to the
far wall and sure enough her window stood with its pane slid up and the
curtains billowed in the wind.

Standing up
and rushing to the window, Maria hesitated, her hand hovering near the edge.
Taking a decided step closer, she reached out her hand.

From outside,
a pale long arm and hand grabbed her wrist. Yelping, she yanked her arm back
but the hand didn’t let go. Instead, she had helped pull in a tall, gorgeous
creature with the appearance of a man. Maria knew better, she heard town talk.

He seemed
to hiss while he smiled. Maria knew what he was, but she couldn’t scream and
she couldn’t move. Most in shock can’t. Dear panic, horror and she feared for her
life. The room darkened more, her eyelids closing and her vision tunneling into
a deep sleep.

She was lifted
with his gentle arms as he pressed her against his chest. He draped her over
the floor, standing so that the moonlight shone directly on her face, her hair
sliding back, draping over his strong arms and playing shadows on the floor. He
held her like a mother would a baby.

He stared
at her face, graceful eyes closed. He stared longingly for only a second,
before he plunged forward and in one swift motion pressed his quick, sharp,
cold teeth against her warm, beating throat.

Not intending to feed, he wiped the stain from his mouth
while eyeing the dark red dribbling down the side of Maria’s throat.

He leapt
from the window, into the night.

Maria woke
up on the floor by the foot of her, underneath the open window. Uneasy, she sat
up and felt a strange stinging burn through her veins, tickling her throat. A
powerful one.

She
inhaled, without her lungs filling, just a cool air passing through her body.
She walked to the mirror and stared at herself. So I can see myself, she snickered.

Her face had paled, to an extent of pure powdery ivory. Her
eyes had darkened, a strange kind of thirst and hunger lurking behind them. Her
lips had reddened and she couldn’t suppress a smile from her new beauty.

From behind
her smiling lips, two long white canine teeth glistened. She tilted her head to
the side, still grinning.

This was only the beginning.

(C)ELaine 2009

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