boulvard

I have come to the point in my life where I only have one fear. I fear that I have no fears. I love to live life to its fullest and I mean just that. To its fullest!!!I like to experience new and differnt things.
I feed on changes and look forward to them.
I have some hard line feelings towards people that are racial.
IM a biker to the core.
I love white water rafting.I love meeting new people and communicateing with them and becoming friends.
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Alone I sleep,  
Alone I wake,
Alone I dream, 
Alone I ache,

Alone I live,
And alone I cry,
Alone I think,
And alone I'll die,

Alone I try,
And alone I fall,
Alone I fail,
And alone I crawl,

Alone I break,
And alone I sit,

Alone I was,
Alone I am, 
Alone I'll always be,

But

Alone I dont want to be 

Alone

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#alone

The sun sets
Upon the golden sand
We sit together
Hand in hand

We gently embrace
And look into each other's eyes
I wonder if you are
the angel that I have prayed for 

You hold me
Like there's no tomorrow
I suddenly forget the past

All the pain that was involved
All the sadness that was present

I kiss your soft lips
And you kiss mine
I never knew
Loving someone could be this great

I pick you up
And carry you to my room
Oh how a love can blossom
And a heart can bloom.

Your touch is so gentle
Your hands so soft
How could a love like this
Ever go wrong?

My heart is beating
200 times a minute
Because my love
You are in it

I listen to your heartbeat
All through the night

We fall asleep in each other's arms
And wake to the morning light.

I look into your eyes
We embrace
We began to love again

We go through the day
Wondering if this is real
Can this be happening again

Is this a dream?

Where did we go wrong to begin?

#can, #this, #real?

I left you all alone
I didnt give u a reason
I didnt say good bye

I just left

I had to go far away for a period of time
I had no time to explain
I was one minuet talking to you and the next I was on a plane
I had no way of contacting you
I was far far away

I thought of you each and every day

I missed you so

I have come back now
 
Im afraid you have gone
Im afraid you have chosen to go out of my life
Because I was out of yours

I am back
I am here to stay
I will never never go away again

I miss you

I want you back again

Will you give me another chance

I miss you

#missed

We were put here to make mistakes.
To strive,
To fail,
To rebegin

To be reborn

To taste the tempting fruit of sin,
Finding out what bitter food it makes.

We are put here to miss the path,
To go astray.
To wonder blindly in the night.

Searching and praying for a light,
Until at last we find the way.

Looking back along the past
We know we need all the strain of fear
We need the doubt and strife and pain
To make us value peace.

We who fail
Finds triumph later very sweet

We who stumble and fall will regain our balance
We will run again and dance in the streets

The troubled, slumbering soul awakes
We learn from our mistakes on our troubled route
The truths we could not prize without
The sorrow of our sad mistakes



#mistakes

                 What do u think of me

What do you think when you look at me?

Would you believe if I told you I was a killer?

I am the Grim Reaper
Can you not see?


My dark existence unfolds like a suspenseful thriller.

What do you think when you look at me?

Do you believe in me?
Can you see into my mind?
Can you see into my world?

I want you to see what I see.

What do you think when you look at me?

Do you feel what I feel?
Can you see what makes my life real?

What do you think when you look at me?

Does the urge fall upon you to kill?
Can you feel it!
Can you feel it in your soul?!!!
Its ok
I know it wont let go!!!

What do you think when you look at me?

Do you have an empty soul?

Come to me!
Come to me!

Let me take control


What do you think when you look at me?

I am the Reaper I have come for your soul 

#grim, #love

I had this experience today
I want to share

I came face to face with death and had no fear
I was rideing my bike going down highway
17 doing about 75 mph

This truck pulled out in front of me and was
moving slow
I knew I was done with and my life was all over

I wasnt looking for a place to turn
I wasnt planning to lock down my breaks
I knew either way I was dead

There was no way I could live

I was going way to fast and this truck was big and solid

I knew it was over

I didnt start to pray
I didnt start to cry
I didnt really want to know why

I just had this feeling inside that it was time

As me and my bike contiuned down that path

I felt calm

The truck was still in place moving oh so slow
I was getting closer and closer

Still no effect
I was going to ride my bike to the very end

I was so close now I could hear the truck engines roar

I still felt so very calm
I didnt break or try to dodge the truck

When I was only a few feet from impact the truck moved

I went by him missing him by only a few inches

I didnt shake
I didnt fear
I didnt cry

Im afraid I have no more fear

#fear

Your beauty is radiant
It glows like the sun
It shines like polished gold

I shake my head in aw
I get distracted
I lose my chain of thought

I notice how you stand and the different poses you make
You have a rare...very rare beauty that is so very deep
I have a hard time describing your beauty in simple words

I am amazed that some one can be so beautiful and show it so many differnt ways
Through their appearence
Through the material that they write
Through the look they give
Through the smile on their face
Throught the tear in their eye

This beauty that you have is pure and geniune and it can be seen abroad
This beauty that you have is only you....only you

It doesnt matter what you do
The beauty is still there
It will never go away

Beauty is more than just skin deep with you
Beauty is you


#beauty

I am afraid to love,.... and yet I love you.
My fear is like a wall I walk right through.
The wall is there...... and yet it doesn't stop me.
I need it still.... and yet I still need you.

I know someday we will be in a field
Surrounded by the blessing of the sky.
I'll dance with all the freedom of pure joy

Needing you without a reason why.

But now I'm still afraid that I might lose you
That you might not accept my desperate need.
You make me laugh and cry and be free
You are the flower, I am the slender reed.

#afraid, #love

The color of your skin
Means nothing to me
Your race has no bearing on my life

I love you for who you are
Some day I may ask you to be my wife

The way you care for me
Love me
Touch me 
Put me first in your life

Race is not a word to me
I feel we are all the same

We bleed the same
We feel the same
We love the same
We hurt the same
We cry the same

The color of our blood is the same

We die the same

If all this is  true.......

Why is it when Im you holding your hand
We get stares and glares and talked about

We have been called names
Fingers pointed at us 

Talk away you ignorant fools, make your snide remarks

Some day you may need some one of another color to save your stupid sorry life

#color, #love

I have a good  friend who I have fringe benefits
Who I often see
We use one another to satisfy.... our fantasies

The things that are in..... make believe

She's not my girlfriend....., just a friend
Dont you see

She is some one that I love to lay with and listen to the sea

I love to hold her and listen to her heart beat
I love to touch her soft silky skin
I love to make love to her until we both fall asleep

She is just a friend......nothing real deep

We have come to the point where we are afraid of love
So we play it all the same
We wonder some time how good can we get at this game 

 

We have experienced heart ache and pain
We have cried standing out in the rain
We ask one another.......is there any gain?

We try to tell ourselfs that what we have is not really love
We are friends that have fringe benefits with one another

Yet down very deep even we know...even we know
Down deep in our souls
We still yearn for that feeling love

Is the feeling we have love

Or are we just good friends

This is my friend that I have fringe benefits with 
Im afraid I am falling in love

#good, #friends

This is a true story that  I want to share

I am a Crisis worker here where I live and I have done this type of work for a long time.
I started it in another state that I lived and just carried it over when I moved here. I get crisis calls from all over the state and my job is to help people that are suicidal, severly depressed, homicidal or just needing some one to talk to.

My phone rang one evening and I was really suprised of the young voice that was on the other line
This young voice explained to me that she no longer wanted to live....that life was not worth living...she was very intent... and appeared to had allready came to a decision, on what she was going to do...
I asked her what her age was and she explained that she had just turned eight years old

This little eight year old went on to tell me that she no longer had her smile.
She explained to me that she had no reason to smile any longer

She went on to tell me that (I) had given her that smile about three years ago when she had come into the hospital where I had worked.
I didnt remember because I had seen so many children that were abused, neglected physically and mentally....I asked her her name ...and she told me what it was, she then told me that she was taken to the hospital about three years ago by the police when a neighbor had called them because they had heard her crying real loud in her house.

I then remembered.....it all came rushing back to me that night when this child had come in our Emergerncy Room battered and brusied by her parents.
That night I had sit with her the entire time that she was there...I explained how things would get better and how these wounds would heal.
As I continued to talk to her she began to smile...she opened up to me and told me her whole life story which brought tears to my eyes.
As we talked her little tears had dried on her face the redness left her eyes and a big smile was on her face
When portective services came in I explained that I had to go...I gave her a smiley face that I put on her little dirt stained top and gave her a card with my name and phone number on it.
I told her to call me if she ever needed any thing....

I now had her on the other line with her telling me that she wanted to die....
When I asked her to please tell me why .... she told me that she had been sent back to live with her parents about two years ago and she explained that she gets a bad spanking each and very day.....even  if she has done no wrong.
She told me that the other day she tried to run away from her dad but he caught her and knocked her down and then started kicking her

I contiuned to talk to her and at the same time was trying to get assistance and have 911 dispatch some one to her home

I noticed that her voice was starting to drag and become slurred.....it was becoming hard to keep her attention....I  asked her what was going on and she had told me that before she called me she had taken her all of her mothers sleeping pills.

I hammered on my other phone... Screaming to the 911 operators what the child had done and what I was hearing...
THIS IS AN 8 YEAR OLD THAT NO LONGER WANTS TO LIVE........8 YEARS OLD .
THIS 8 YEAR OLD HAS GIVEN UP...........THIS 8 YEAR OLD HAS QUIT..............

I could not really believe that this was happening.....
This little 8 year old was loosing.........I was loosing this battle to keep her alive......
And we lost........................

EMS finally arrived at her home and found her locked in her dirty, bug infested nasty room hanging onto to a thread of life...by the time she had arrive to the hospital she had passed.....END OF STORY

What had went wrong?  Where did society let this child down..........
I had never become so close to some thing so much as I did this in my life.

If you are the SCUM of the earth like this childs family and wants to discipline your children by beating them .....
email me and let me know........
Come on!!!!.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..
I want to become very close to you......
You will beat a helpless child that cannot protect them self....
I have something you can beat on.....
I will even agree to come to meet you....
For those of you that consider physical abuse as proper punishment for something that a child has done wrong please come to me....
Contact me....
What are u afraid of??????????? I have something for you.....let me give you what you have given your child....Hit for Hit.!!!!!!!!!!..I would be happy to do so....
Lets see if it helps you...be a better person or changes your stupid ass!
 
Children dont let any one abuse you.....physical abuse, mental abuse, sexual abuse or any type of physical punichment is totally unacceptable!!!!!! It is not allowed...its against the law!!!!  so if it happens to you let some one know....Call the police....email me....You dont have to live that way...there is a better way...anything is better than death....dont you agree? ...You dont have to live in fear..You dont have to live with mental or physical scars......
All children should be loved and cared for they should never live in fear of any one. They should be protected by those parents

#true, #story

We walk down the hall leaving work
Talking about the evening we just had

I ask what are u doing the rest of the evening
You tell me that you need to do your hair and take a long shower and go to bed

I ask if you want to go for a ride
You hesitate then reply
Why not

We climb on the motorcycle and it roars to life
We jet off down the street
Into the darkness of the night

The warm air and wind blowing through our hair
There is a full moon out that is so beautiful

We head towards the beach
We hear it calling us....calling us.....calling us.......
We taste the salt in the air as we become near

You wrap your arms around me and fondle the buttons on my shirt
Releasing them one by one
My heart starts to race as your hands move futher down my stomach

Unhooking my belt and unbuttoning my jeans
Causes me to giggle and let out a scream

We finally get to the beach and park on the beach access.
We run into the night taking our clothes off 
You jump into my arms and we run in to the surf
A high wave coming in hits us and causes us to gasp for air and stumble
I catch you as you begin to fall
I lift you in to my arms and wade into the ocean 
I stand staring at the moon as it glows off your beautiful body
I turn you around to face me and you wrap your legs around my waiste
I tilt you backwards and dip your head into the water
I run my fingers through your hair

I kiss you
Starting at your neck and working my way down.
Here we are alone in the middle of the night out in the ocean making love
Full moon over head.. stars.. just hanging around and planets shine at a distance.
The only sound is the waves crashing onto the beach....

This beach and this time of the night has become our place...our place to have fun....our place to love.....

#beach

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boulvard
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