LynneCullen

my name is misty lynne frazier, i love my friends, and im very protective about my family. especially my sister. just ask drew.
my best friends are: nikki, tina, aleesha, haylee, tessa, gordon, charlie, and josh.
i love all of my friends and i will kill anyone who hurts them.
I have brown-black hair, brown eyes, and i am 5'7"

i love to read,
twilight is my favorite,
new moon is the 2nd one, eclipse the 3rd, and breaking dawn is the 4th.
its a series about vampires, edward is the main vampire, and he falls in love with the mortal bella. they have a baby. vamp-human child. awesome. emmett and rosalie, alice and jasper, and carlisle and esme. my favorite series. YAY!!!
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i thought i could trust you,
after we went through the tragedies,
time after time,
you were always there for me.

Why did you decide to hurt me now,
after all that we'd been through,
why now, why this day, why this moment,
when all that i do now,
is break?

Whats the point in loving someone,
when all they do in the end is destroy you?
I loved you, but apparently it wasnt enough...
Because you wanted her in the end.

I'm tired of dying,
I'm tired of crying,
after all,
you're only lying.

, ,

what in the world is going on right now.
i cant even think about my own life without feeling....
like ending it?
i feel so caged up... like i cant breath...
and i dont even know whats happening.
i feel angry too...
like the whole world is against me,
like no one wants me to finish my dreams.
like everyone wants me dead.
anger and sadness..
not good combinations...
depression...
feeling like utter and complete crap.
i dont want to die.
and i know i could never end my own life.
i want to finish everything i want to do.
i want to be happy.
to find love.
to have children
but i feel like im dying.
i feel so numb all the time.
but so fake.
closed up by a mask that no one can take off.
can someone help me?
take away my pain.
please?
i dont want to be swallowed up by my own depression.

There you were,
walking down our hallway again,
how could i know...
it would be the last time i would see you
I didnt know..
what to say,
what to do,
why you looked so angry and sad...
how much it would hurt if you were gone...
you never know how much you would miss someone..
until theyre gone.
Until you cant say hi and smile at them..
and see their brilliant and beautiful smile back...
when you were happy..
you were so bright... like the sun...
and i just had to look at you,
and see what an amazing person you were...
are... whatever...
I miss you so much.......
How do I go on...
without a beloved friend who i loved so much.
I didnt even get to learn everything about you..
not yet.. WHY??????

I dont know what to do, i dont know what to think, i try and wrap my head around it, and i fail miserably. I have a headache thats so bad i puked 3 times. Ive never dealt with this before, I dont know how, we have counselors coming in, i have family members, but the only thing i want right now is to sleep. I want this to be a bad dream, I want zach to come back and give me a hug. I want him back. i dont want him to have killed himself. I hate it. Ive never dealt with the finality of suicide before. It hurts so bad....

As i write this,
i listen to this song,
the song that used to represent what i was.
my soul was dedicated to it,
to you.

As i write this,
i think not of you,
not of what we were,
not even of what we could be.
instead i think of what I could be.
without you.
with someone else.
maybe today is the day,
when i can think of you and not cry,
when i can think of what we were,
and not long for it so bad.
today IS the day that i will let go of you,
and possibilities of US,
i will shut the door,
i will walk through another,
to a better, brighter future,
where i am not wasting my life away,
wanting the unwantable,
and being unwanted.
The door is shut,
and i walk through another,
labeled...Love.
can i go throught it,
am i strong enough?
can i find the will to move through this door,
am i ready to finally let you go?

the answer is,
Yes I Am

, , , ,

okay so i am not in love with this dude,
ew.
hes my sisters boyfriend.

So much like a brother you are,
you didnt care through my threats,
big or small.
you are amazing to my sister,
you love her, i know its true,
because when you look at her,
its not like looking at your girlfriend,
its like you are seing the sun for the first time.
its like falling in love every time.
i want you guys to feel this forever,
because it means its true.
no matter what,
ill always care about you.
drew, you are my brother now,
and forever will be.
even if you disown me because im a huge pervert,
i will keep coming to you for advice or to kill someone,
because thats what little sisters do.
youve always been an awesome friend to me,
even though i just met you a few months ago.
you are awesome drew,
not just because of all this,
because youve shown me,
that even though you go through heartbreak after heartbreak,
and family problems,
you can still find a way to be happy,
it may have taken you a long time to find her,
but you are blessed to have my sister,
and she is blessed to have you.
I <3 you drew,
because you are my friend, and my brother.

Here i am,
losing myself again,
all because,
i cant seem to get over you.
dont know why,
dont really care,
i just want to be happy again.

im sick of this numbness,
i want to feel overwhelming joy,
not sadness,
i want to feel the way i used to feel when i was with you.
i want to find my edward,
and i want the chance to be someones bella.

i want a song to be ours,
i was butterflies whenever im around you,
i want to find myself in your arms,
i want to be happy,
i dont want to be self conscious around you,
i want to be able to be me.
i want you to love what i love,
and accept me for me.

some people get this,
why cant i?
maybe im being impatient,
what if he never shows,
what if when i look around the corner,
he walks away?

when i do find him,
what if i do something stupid,
what if i push him away,
what if im not good enough,
what if cant keep him,
long enough to say
that i love him.
what if he cuts?
what if he drinks?
what if he smokes?

all these questions....
i cant take much more.
its getting harder and harder,
to see him with her,
but i will prevail,
i will move on,
i will no longer hurt,
i will survive,
because
its in me to do my best.
and i will succeed.
i will make it =] eventually

"If you have nothing left, say i dont want to be in love."
i used to say that.
until i realized how much i actually have,
my amazing friends, drew, haylee, tina, aleesha, s.c, zach, charlie, gordon, josh.
you all help me in special ways, no one of you will ever know how much you mean to me.
my favorite authors,
stephenie meyer, nicholas sparks,
you both helped me through my darkest periods with your amazing works of art.
i think its art because of how much i really connected to the characters.
in "twilight, new moon, eclipse, and breaking dawn," you really do fall in love with edward and jacob
and you really feel it when something bad happens.
in "a walk to remember," you are happy when carter is happy,
and you are sad when jamie dies.
and thanks to my family mostly,
my mom, amazing lady, my best friend.
my dad, best guy =], lol, the one im proud to call daddy.
patrick, funnest guy, best brother,
holly, amazing friend, funniest chick, sickest sense of humor.
and most of all,
my best friend in the entire world,
my sister,
nikki.
you were always there when i fell for them,
the stupid ones,
you always told me that they could hurt me,
you always held me up when i crashed to the ground
heartbreak. blech.
you always loved me even though i didnt deserve it,
you were there for me when my best friend died.
you are the best girl in the world, and no one deserves you,
but drew is amazing, so stick with him.
i love you sis.

i listen to the music you gave me, i read the poems you wrote me, i wear the sweaters you let me use, i need you more than the air i breath, i love you more than anything ive ever known. ive never known a love like this, and i never want to lose this love, but you have different plans, as you walk away.... my heart starts to sway, and i slowly give up... i dont want to fall in love anymore... im done..

As soon as they told me,
you had a death sentence,
i said okay,
he'll be better in heaven.

i never realized,
exactly how hard,
it would be,
to let them see
the truth about me.

As i sit here today,
i wait for you,
to come and play,
but you never come.

i always want it to be a sick joke.
like that time when you were sick and i couldnt find you,
and they told me,
hes gone.
i dont want it to be true,
i never want to lose you,

ill never get over this love,
my first and only,
a best friend,
an unending love.

my protector,
you stood,
against tickle monsters,
and bees,
you always knew when i was sad,
and always knew when i was tired,
and you were always there for me,
when i needed you the most,
but the truth is,
i will always need you,
because you arent here.
i miss you so much baby.
i love you ransome.
my best friend.

dedicated to a lost friend.
always in my heart.

unsure whether love is real or not.
so many heartbreaks,
so much pain,
should i love you,
or should i not?

is it love or is it lust?
is this real,
or are you going to hurt me,
like so many before you?
i just want someone worthy of my trust.

is all this too much to ask?
was i too happy,
was i too sad?
have i not gotten enough punishment?
can someone take away my mask?

I dont want pain,
im tired of being numb,
do i deserve happiness?
or am i going to have to go back,
and be numb again?

Do i deserve you?
have i done enough good,
have i been punished enough,
i havent loved anyone
in so long, can you be the one?

I fall away,
day by day,
with unanswered questions,
nothing to sway me,
from my depression,
the numbness to stay,
all because,
you couldnt truthfully say,
i love you.

When you said youd love me forever...
did you mean it?
when you said, how i feel about you will never change,
has it?
When you said, no one else will ever have your heart,
and then i broke it, did you still mean it?
when you started to fall for her,
did you still love me?
when i crashed and burned for love,
did you love me.
are you lying to her,
or to me?

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