ThumbWarBT

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I've been been writing since I was 10. I have always loved too and always will. It sets my mind free when i most need it. I have 2 beautiful children and my husband is my best friend, also my high school sweetheart. My husband is in the USMC and some day s its tough but others, just a normal day. Im not your average type of girl. I burp "alot", Im loud, funny, daring, emotional, I over react sometimes and I dont wear high hills. IM more of the flip flop kind of girl. I love my children with all my heart and will do anything for them. They are my EVERYTHING!!
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I wish for just one day i could,
put a smile on your face,
and not make you cry,
from one of my many lies.
I wish for one day i oculd,
not make a mistake,
i just wanted to be perfect,
this all seems so fake!
I wish just for one day i could,
be the little girl you want me to be,
i wish that this stupid world would see,
how much i really miss him,
and see the little girl in me.
I may make mistakes,
i may make you cry,
but thats why i try,
so just listen and try to see,
The little girl in me!

, ,

I lock my bedroom door,
with such fear,
Fear of too much blood,
but do they see my tear?
I hold my razor,
close to my skin,
push it into my wrist,
because of my heartbreaking sin!
I can't scream,
or someone will know.
They"ll lock me up,
never let me go!
The blood drips on the floor,
and it keep with it's flow.
I tried to stop it,
but it's my time to go!
I drop the razor,
look at the picture above my wall.
I try to forget my problems,
and how I want to fall!
The scares now remind me,
of what I held in the past.
The pain of living,
and it always seemed to last!
My life was getting better,
but now I am back to my heartache.
Thinking about cutting,
Just taking a brake.
So I pull out my blade,
hold it to my skin,
thoughts running through,
and now my bad habit that I must begin!

, ,

So here I lay thinking
of what I have done
Wishing he would understand
Where I am coming from!
So what do I do now,
when you call me that name
I feel so lost and lonely
I don't feel the same!
If only you were here
i think you would understand
Just maybe listen to me
then lend me your hand!
I am sorry for this
I just have to say
that what you said really hurt
and that what I might do tonight
might really hurt!
I can't say what it is,
but you'll think I am a nut
for it will bring you pain
to see you daughter cut!
You may not believe it
but it is true
you never really saw
the scars on my arm were few!
Sometimes when it's upon my wrist
I say to myself, "I'm the mistake"
and I start to cry,
there's no more I can take!
So here I lay upon my bed
thinking of everything that you said
So the door I must shut
so that I can make one more cut.

, ,

Just let me do it
just one more slice
let me do it again
the number on the dice.
Let me see the blood fall
let me watch it scar
Let me push the blood out
its not too far.
Let me use the blade
or maybe even your nail.
just give me something
because I don't want to fail.
let me see it
fall from my own wrist
let me watch it bruise
there in the mist.
Let me one more time
just let me slice my wrist
to end all my pain
I know I wont be missed.

, , ,

Dear god
I am lost behind a cloud of dust,
Can't find my way out of this mess.
My family won't talk to me,
Why does this have to be a test?
I am troubled behind Saiten,
and I can't find any other way.
Why do they hate me,
They hate me more each day.
Why can't they love me,
like they did when I was born.
but now all they think of me is bad,
my heart is forever tourn.
I am so lost,
and they just dont care.
Feelin' so lonely inside,
because my family is not here.
my future is a blur,
I cannot see into my life.
I just want to be normal,
be a great wife.
Please god help me find my way,
make everything okay again.
Let my family love me,
Let my life begin.

, , ,

I can't talk about how I feel,
When nothing seems right.
I might be alone for life,
ya know, I just might.
People stare like they know
how it feels to be me.
And they know how to fix it,
but when in reality they don't.
No one can fix me
I am alone.
No one can heal this pain
not even if I go home.
I try to hide the frown,
upon my face.
Its getting harder
so easy to trace.
I try so hard not to cry
because Im stronger.
I cant let you see you hurt me
this no more, no longer.
I scream, I yell
and yet no one understand me.
I can't sleep, I cant eat
noone will ever know,
how it is to be me...

, , , ,

Tonight I will dream
of you tonight once again.
I might wake up
because of the pain within.

Tonight I will dream
of your amrs around me.
I might wake up
because you'll never see.

Tonight I will dream
of the words you used to say.
I might wake up
becasue you feel different today.

Tonight I will dream
of us together.
I might wake up
because nothing is forever.

Tonight I will dream
and I already know its about you.
I might not wake up
cuz it'a all I have of you.

Tonight its gonna be the last
but I will be dreaming of you.
No more crying, no more hurt
just remember I loved you.

&& you were the last on my mind before i went.

, , , ,

Wind passing through
I can feel you here
Moments are strong
nothing to fear.

Your watching over me
nothing can happen tonight
something caresses me
takes away the fright

I can feel you
walkin besides me
every morning, ever night
just watchin over me.

Sometimes if I listen
I can hear you
call my name with pain
pain from the past.

Chills down my spin
water in my eyes
why wern't u a part of my life
set me apart from you rlies.

You never made up for
all those days you nevre showed up
never called when u said u would
sometimes i just wanted to give up.

But now you are gone
gone to the spirits above
left everyone here in confused thougts
flew away like a dove.

But now I can feel your presence
near me always
every stpe I take, every choice i make
near me awlays.




Dedicated to my Father Craig Larsen who passed away on Jan 1, 2008.
I miss you more than words can say. You were never there when I needed
you when I was younger. Mom and you divorced even before I was born.
You had so many chances to come and see me, plenty of money and yet...
you never did...now that you are gone,i can feel you trying to be with me all of the
time, but ya know how i feel abou tit. I am thankful you are watchin over me, but
at the same time its too late.
Your lil girl forever
Trista

, , , ,

There are things you can say
that can hurt and make me cry.
But there are things I can do,
To make you say good bye.

None of those i want,
I want to feel.
Feel you near and close,
being away, i know this is real.

This feelings is true,
I never felt this way.
He means the world to me,
there's not much more to say.


Being so far away
only being able to hear your voice
makes me try so much harder
and make a better chioce.

Ill be back a stronger women
stronger to take care of us both.
Im really doing this,
for you and I both.

, , , ,

YOU HOLD THEIR HAND
YOU SLEEP NEXT TO THEM
YOU CLEAN FOR THEM
YOU EVEN COOK THEM DINNER
YOU CUDDLE WHEN HE WANTS
YOU KISS HIM
YOU CHERISH HIM
YOU ADORE HIM
YOU HOLD HIM IN UR ARMS
YOU SAY "ILOVEYOU" FOR HIM
U HANG OUT WITH HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY FOR HIM
YOU GO WHERE HE WANTS TO GO
YOU DO WHAT HE WANTS TO DO.
YOU LET YOU RLIFE GO FOR HIM
YOU STOPPED LIVING YOUR LIFE FO RHIM
YOU STOPPED EVERYTHING FOR HIM.
YOU GAVE HIM YOUR HEART
BUT HE...
GAVE IT BACK BROKEN.

 

FUCK IT

, , ,

Every nite they've been apart,
Her eyes have cried, he broke her heart.
But her tears she can hide,
She doesn't want him to know, she's dying inside.
They try to be friends,
But to her, it doesn't seem rite.
Wishing he felt the same,
She'll cry again tonite.

, ,

I close my eyes when I see
another girl sitting next to you.
There is nothing I can say
and yet nothing I can do.

You still want to play around
not settle down with one.
Yea it hurts me
but you will never understand!

I just want you to be happy
with or without me.
If I cant fullfil that
why do you love me?

My heart is aching for your love,
could you ever just be with me?
Not have another girl on the other side?
or is that how it has to be?

I come and I go,
but sometimes you ask me to stay.
My mind is so confused,
So i lay here and pray.

My heart tells me to leave,
but my head says to stay.
What do you want?
Tell me we willbe okay.

Just another night alone,
to be near the one I love.
I fear of losing him completly,
which he says "won't happen".

I need him...
I want him...
I crave him...
...to love me like I love him

, , , ,

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