 | Things happen for a reason with no need of consciousness. And there are times when we precipitate events to occur, by cajoling, planning, hoping. The undercurrents of attraction, which are seemingly uncontrollable, can be developed and cultivated.
His first impression: mean and aloof. My first impression: didn’t notice. (He would most likely get offended by that bit of information.) We met as first year graduate students and were classmates through much of the first year. We never communicated outside class related subjects, there was no need to. He had a relationship, I recently ended one. I will contend that I was always polite to him and he will argue that I ignored him. I cannot pinpoint the moment when our neutral chemistry changed nor when he started to see me differently. I try to recall some eye sparkle, some physical language to hint at when it changed but I can’t. But one event stands out as the moment we changed.
A group of us hanging out, talking, laughing, normal. We moved to Sophia’s to continue the revelry, some alcohol to warm our spirits. Mary and I were joking as usual and slapping Bob on the leg to punctuate a point. Who’s up for some dancing? I dance suggestively with Mary, no problem. He comes back from the restroom and she gestures to me, yelling over the music to inform him I’m hot, encouraging me to give him a taste. I did. My back rubbed against his chest and legs to the music. I feel his hands on my hips and thought nothing of it. Just friends enjoying the first time we all got together at night. We all went home and returned to normal. Fast forward to Peter’s bachelor “party” this was just a few of the guys from school, his best man and us two girls again. After dinner, we couldn’t get into the local dance club because a couple of people did not have the right shoes on so we drank at Peter’s house instead and shared some laughter (not the best bachelor party ever but Peter seemed content.) I promise I did not even drink much, just a beer. But he sat next to me on the floor when we were all settled down.We all rolled over with laughter for a good 10 minutes. Somehow, he ended up behind me and I ended up leaning into him during those moments of hilarity. It was the type of laughter that hurt your cheeks and stomach. Shouldn’t you realize when you’re wrapped up in the arms of someone? Is this what the unconscious pull of attraction feels like, utterly natural and inconsequential?
Modified by RU4Me |  |
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