I don’t care about an A in soc or a good grade or the homework that is due in my next class.  There’s only one thing I care about.  And I can’t get it so I’ll try to avoid it. For a while I was convinced I liked her and that maybe something could happen.  But I was afraid to do anything so eventually I just convinced myself  something could never happen.  So I lied and told myself I didn’t like her and that it was just lust or something and it could go away if I ignored it.  I tried to convince myself and avoid it.  And eventually it came back.  And I couldn’t say anything still.  But I got drunk and I said something.

And I wish I was better looking or played the guitar or you were less shallow or something.  I wish you saw something about me that I don’t even know about and you loved me like in a movie or something.  And I can’t stand hearing you talk about another guy and I can’t think about any different girl.  Its probably just lust or a shallow thing or something and its probably just because you’re the prettiest girl I know, but saying that doesn’t do anything.  And I got drunk and said what I felt and it didn’t change anything.  I didn’t say everything, but you got the hint.  And everythings back to before and I still want that feeling and I can’t live without it.  Maybe a song or a drug or sleep or something can save me for now.  But theres no point in A’s or grades.  If it all ended tomorrow I wouldn’t care about that and I wish you could shut this off and focus it all on someone else.