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my parents want me to choose between them and my boyfriend

ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 months now. Im head over heals in love with him and i know deep in my heart hes the one. Our realationship is so diffrent from ones weve have before. Theres just somthing diffrent about it. Well this past weekend my mom met my boyfriend for the first time because he came to visit me while i was staying with her. Well he made some mistakes and was a bit rude and treated my moms house like a pig pen. i know he didnt mean to but he lives in a trailer with his brother his brothers girlfriends and his father and his fathers girlfriend and there lifestyle isnt the greatest. && my mom thought he was fried from drugs because he has a hard time speaking.......well my boyfriend recently comfronted me about why he talks the way he talks and its because when he was younger his mother was killed by 2 men and he barley spoke for three years. i knew his mother had been killed but i did not know that is had anything to do with his speech. After my boyfriend left my mom called him all these awful names and told me i could do better and brought up how he talks and i wanted to tell her why he talks the way he does but i dont think it would have phased her. She called my dad and they have both aggreed that i am never aloud to see him. & that if i do they will complelty cut me off from them. i felt it wasnt fair to make me choose between the one i love and my family. because i love my family and i want them there through everything.....but then i think about my boyfriend and he has his heart set on being with me for the rest of our lives. i dont know what to do........i dont want to choose between them. Ill be 18 soon and then what they say wont matter.......but i dont want them to just drop me and stop speaking to me because i love them. please help cause this is really taking a toll on me emotionaly.

Cry

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Comments

morninglight
morninglight
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choose the parents. Boyfriends come and go. Your parents know best. You only have one set of parents. 18, you don't know as much as you think you do. Just being honest!
 
MISSunderstood
MISSunderstood
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the thing is i dont want to have to choose. My parents have been so horrible to me since this whole thing happend telling me they are fed up with me and dont want anythingto do with me and just are screwing with my emotions. i know they love me. but i wish they could respect my happiness. and i know boyfriends come and go but this is COMPLTELY diffrent. but i appreciate your opinion. thankyou
 
MISSunderstood
MISSunderstood
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yes its really hard. and everyday it just gets tougher and tougher. ive always been bad when it comes to making choices. i love my family so much but latley every decision i make they think is horrible and they think that all i care for is myself. and thats not true at all. I love my family but i also love my boyfriend. i wish they could just understand that he makes me happy. i tried doing the whole compromise thing but my mom just said that hes trash and they he will never go anywhere in life. truth of it is though he works his ass off everyday. But when i try and talk to my parents it just turns into one big argument and they say that their minds are set. and it just hurts....but i really appreciate you taking the time to give me your advice. ive never done this blogging thing before but it seems to be making me feel a bit more at ease to hear others opinions. thankyou roselia

<3
 
morninglight
morninglight
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Parents may seem cross but that is their shock.
The things they are saying are a reflection of their deepest fears for you.
Parents may seem stern but underneath is love.
Parents may seen uncaring but the opposite is true.
They have loved you since you were a baby and would never steer your wrong.
They've lived through life's hard lessons and see things more clearly than you.
You speak of sympathy for your boyfriend and sympathy is not love.
What you call "love" is likely sympathy mixed with lust and hormones and dreams...but this dream you seek can never have a happy ending.
You cannot sacrifice your parents and expect to be happy.
No man too can say he loves you and ask you to disregard your parents...that would be manipulation rather than love...and it will lead all to sadness.
Whatever you do, however you break their hearts...your parents will always love you.
I know all sides of what you're going through and you must break things off with the boy. It will be sad. But you already know they are right in what they say....and if you can listen with your heart to what they are really saying....they love you so much they will do anything to steer you clear of trouble. If your boyfriend shows disrespect for your mother he will show you the same disrespect in time. And if you choose him and find later they were right...how will you mend their broken hearts or mend the fragile things broken that can never be mended? You've gotten yourself in a difficult situation....its part of growing up now to get yourself out of it. Good luck!
 
Jennifer1
Jennifer1
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Although parents may come off as mean and unfair, they are still your parents. My advice to you would be to sit your parents down and explain to them about his problems. If that doesn't work, perhaps you could convince your boyfriend to apologize to your mother. And if THAT doesn't work, wait until your 18 and then your mother won't have a say in it.
 
ToriaLH
ToriaLH
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Wow, i cannot believe what people are saying on here.
I know I'm pretty young, but honestly, I feel that some of these people are giving you some horrible advice. If you're parents are really making you choose between them and who you really think you love, then they are just being greedy. Trust me, if you're heart knows you love him, then don't let him go so easily. In a few years you'll think of him, and you'll miss him. Parents always think they know the best for their child, but really know one can tell you what's best, only you can. So don't listen to two people who only raised you when you were a child, you raised yourself, you know who you are, don't let anyone influence that. Even what I am saying, don't do what I'm telling you now, just make sure you listen and understand and realize.
 
njgirl105
njgirl105
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i am going through something very similar right now. i think it is totally wrong of your parents to make you choose. if they feel you are making a bad decision, i feel they should tell you that they don't approve and give you their reasoning as to why they don't approve. they should be there for you regardless of what you do in life. unless you are still a teenager i feel they should not be trying to control your life by forcing you to make a decision that they want you to make. it shouldn't be their way or no way but with stubborn hard headed parents that is sometimes the case.
it is a lose-lose situation. in my situation if i choose to make them happy i know that i will be upset with losing the man in my life but even more upset that i let my parents control my life at the age of 25. i am planning on trying to sit them down and explain to them that it hurts me that they would actually expect me to choose. i plan on choosing me... it may sound selfish but sometimes you have to think about yourself. you are the one who has to live with the decision in the end.
it sounds like you will be in for some rough times either way. i will pray for you to have strength to get through this time as i am praying for my own strength. please let me know what happens. i am about to be getting kicked out of my parents house because i refuse to choose a side (him or them) and i am standing by my decision and refuse to let them control my life and my decisions.

girl i wish you all of the best and do what you need to do. if your family loves you they will be there for you regardless of your decision. there may be bad blood between u and your parents if you choose to not do what they want you to do but hopefully they will get past it.
 
njgirl105
njgirl105
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actually i just got the sit down but it was more like an intervention. it sounds wrong but maybe consider keeping things on the down-low and still see your boyfriend and let your parents think that things are off with you two. until you can move out on your own that is. i hate lying but if people are being unreasonable and putting you in a situation where you have no other choice then sometimes that's the only avenue you can go down.
 
fxckedupfairytale
fxckedupfairytale
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i know what your going through...my situtation(sorry i cant spell worth a sh*t lol) is very simular. i wish you the best of luck. i would choose my boyfriend because what roselia said was true...your parents will overcome this eventually....just give it time to settle in once you have choose your boyfriend. if you do decide to choose him then just tell your parents that your sorry but you are going with your boyfriend on this because of the way they have been treating you lately..say that you love them but your sick of they harsh words and comments. then move in with your bf........they will be mad at first and this will be hard on you but in the end it will all be worth it........ good luck and god bless u

~haley~
 


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