He only exists within my dreams now.

I can’t help but feel cold sadness down within me.

I wish I didn’t feel like this, but its part of the confusion I feel.

I have no idea why he doesn’t reply to my 4 page explanation, he doesn’t realize how much guts that took me to say..?

I rarely tell people that I like them, let alone love them.

He has no idea.

He loves to put me through agony, just for his own fucking ego.

It makes me sick.

But I can’t help but not long for his presence, not knowing what I would do or say if I one day saw him.

I still look for any symbols of him, look at pictures that represent him, his laugh, his big personality.

That I have lost.

I guess it’s a lesson learn’t? not to be so stubborn?

But if he could only walk in my footsteps for a while and see what its like. And if only I could walk in his.

I have no clue this time of what is going through that big head of his.

This time I have no idea.

I don’t know what we have done, said or anything to hurt him at all.

To see him stay with and text one of my best friends about me, and to let her be what it seems like what I was to him, makes me unbelievably jealous and angry.

I believe that out of your own courtesy it is to reply to a text like that.

I can’t do anything but nothing.

And its killing me slowly.

Help me to forget this just for a while.

At first I didn’t think it was getting to me, I thought I was okay.

Then I start having continuous dreams about him.

And I can’t help but say it’s getting to me,

its eating at me,

its slowly destroying my insides.