Hi,
Sometimes contrary viewpoints are not taken so well and this may be the case here. But at risk of being put back in my place I just wanted to give you something to think about. It's something I've been through and did not understand so well...had a lot of difficulty with.

On one hand.....why forgive your biological father. He appears to have deserted you and to have not been there when you needed him. I just wanted to remind you that this does not mean he did not want you or that he did not love you or love you still.

People make mistakes...sometimes pick the wrong lovers, the wrong spouses. You as an infant and child only got to hear one side of the story...and there always is a story. Stories in relationships always have at least two sides. Now, though I love women very much, I also know how hard some women can be on men and make it difficult to have a relationship with thier own child. I know how much it hurts a man inside and how that man has nowhere to go with his pain. Sometimes as a matter of survival someone burys their hurt for long periods of time and only later realizes the mistake of their actions. See, at the time they only know what they are going through and can't see it's affect on others.

Forgiveness: I have some poems about it. I think one is about "turning the other cheek". Forgiveness is sometimes for us.....helps us to heal even more than the one we're forgiving. You might think he doesn't deserve forgiveness and you might be right about that. But you might also be completely wrong.
The very fact that he is seeking you out means he's given you a lot of thought for many years and he must realize all the years he lost with you...it hurts him too as it hurts you.

But I think this: if you seek deep down to find forgiveness for him you will heal too. Your very poem hints at your deeply held feelings and it's not him you hate....but all that could have been that was missed.

This is something you have to do a lot of soul searching about but if you do forgive him it will be like a weight lift off your shoulders. I suggest you do this while he is living because life is very fragile and in the end it is also very short.

he has never even botherd trying 2 seek me out..... the only good thing he ever did 4 me is sighn me over 2 my aunt and uncle when my biological mom died...... but thank u for u point of view i am glad u took the time 2 read my poem

I know that there are no words for me to offer you. I cannot know what it is like to grow up the way you have. I lost my own daughter and a son. Events transpired ultimately that left it all totally out of my control. I could never even touch upon the helplessness and deep depression that enveloped my entire being.

That didn't stop me from blaming myself every step of the way which only left me with a devestating sense of shame to the point that I really believed that they would be better off without me. I couldn't reach for them that way. There was a hole in my heart that to this day has not healed.

There may be any one of an infinate set of circumstances why he has not tried to find you. Believe me when I say that unless he doesn't know about you he can never ever forget you. I Love my children and it hurts to think about what happenned but I feel helpless still. At times my life is one distraction after another just to not feel and pretty soon there is no life at all.

Forgive him for your sake and not his. Don't hold onto what ifs and maybes that almost always are not the truth. Let these things go because they hold you back. He may not be able to reach you. He may not feel worthy. Please don't assume it has anything to do with your worthiness. Have faith that there are great lessons for you in this experience and live those lessons to the fullest. Let them transform you into the beautiful butterfly you are meant to become.

Best of Luck to you.

i really wish i could but i don't know if i can..... but thank u for ur point of view i am glad u took the time 2 read my poem..... i hope u liked it...