When I've been attracted for a months and suddenly find myself single,there are things that will hit me hard.
Gone are the happy moments...
Say goodbye to those days when someone listen to my heartache's and give me a hug to make my pain go away.
Or how about those times when I'm feeling awkward, and by instinct, I reach for his hand because it boost my confidence just knowing he's walking with me(time to give that up as well)
His friends might hate me for hurting their friend, suddenly it hits me - breaking up with him also means possibly losing friendship I've made along the way.
After a month of "almost perfect life", I realize I might have a mental problem because I let go of this "almost perfect" world. But who am I kidding. I know he's no longer mine. Am I going to stay in the relationship?
No one understand why I gave him up because they've been spectator to our relationship. But I know by heart that I have these doubts bottled up inside that no one sees.
Though our relationship seemed flawless, there is no relationship seemed to be perfect. I cannot keep living by other people's expectation.
I've been so used to having a guy who adore me. That's why I'm scared of being finally single after such a long time. In fact, just hearing the word "SINGLE" makes me cry. But there comes a point when I'm alone that I've become so dependent on someone and pour out my hatred.
"Nothing can replace the feeling of having someone who loves you no matter what... and who is always ready to catch you the moment you fall. Its the best feeling you ever had in the world...But before you can engage to someone, you have to know first what is out there for you."
Should I go with the factor of leaving my past...and go with my family abroad? But I still opted my family not to pursue going abroad. I'm afraid I might lose friends if I will. But should I also give up the opportunity of living in a different country, experiencing new culture, and learning for new things for that reason...
I'm young, I want to live life and go with the flow. I need to have that confidence to go on an adventure I can call my own. If not now, then when am I going to do this for myself?
I have to do something liberating. And give myself a break and enjoy my own company. At one point, I have to face my heartache's alone without expecting someone to hug me. And I also need to be know as me and not as the girl of Von Darrel....
At one point, I have to face the world, learn to hold on my own hand and grow up...