The thing is... I'm reminded everyday... that words have meaning. That
everything I say has a meaning. Every single word. And when you say
them sometimes the words just float in the air but sometimes people
keep them. They keep the words inside them and wait to give them back.
Or throw them back. To tell someone else, someone besides yourself,
those words. Its like... every person you talk to... they keep part of
you with them. As long as those words exist in them.. you are with
them. And when you're gone, when you're not near them or whatever,
you're still there.

I am amazed by words. Words fascinate me and I have this urge to find
out what they mean, how to use them, how to mix them up to mean
something totally new. I want people to have to pay attention to what I
say. I want people to pass my test of language to get to know me. I
like having people say "Thats just Jaimie-ism" because really.... thats
exactly what it is. I like having my words stick out. Stick with you.
With people.

I have the ultimate terrifying fear of being forgotten. It absolutely
scares me. Id rather be known for something terrible than not be known
at all. I cant stand when people ignore me or don't let me know that
"HEY!" I'm acknowledge. I don't care if I'm important. I'm important
enough to myself. I don't care if someone hates me or is terrified of
me. As long as I'm there in your brain, nothing else really matters.
One of the ways I'm remembered is because I'm outrageous. Because I say
the things I say. Because I speak the words most people are thinking
but just cant say, don't want to say, don't want to hear.

I'm known for telling it like it is to people. Whether its good or bad,
the words I speak are usually true. I really hate when people mistake
me for sheep, just following the crowd. I am not every girl. I am not
like every Khols employee. I am not like any other category you try to
trap me in. Like that saying, I am the combined effort of everyone I
know. Because you are. You take words, you take on habits, you take on
likes or dislikes. Of everyone around you. You keep a little of every
person you've known your entire life span with you everywhere you go in
life.

It comes as no surprise that my person (Chase) often gets angry at me.
I cant keep my feelings inside. But sometimes it all builds up and you
have to heap your emotional trash somewhere. Chase usually gets that.
And I actually feel better afterwards. This huge weight gets lifted off
my chest and I'm ready for more emotions. Maybe thats why he gets
attitude with me often.

I am an emotional person. I don't use my head or my gut to tell me
right from wrong. If it goes against my heart or goes against what my
heart and soul are telling me I'm not doing it. I like to think of it
as an old sundial clock. You might not have batteries and you cant
carry it around with you, but its natural, its timeless, and it usually
is right.

But the bad thing is, on rainy days, it just gets rained on and you
could get damaged by life in general. It doesn't go anywhere though. It
bears itself to the most extreme that mother nature throws at it and
stands for everyone to see. Theres no way to turn it off. Just like you
cant turn your emotions off. You cant undo something you've done your
entire life. I use my brain to think things through just not things
like that.