 | He tried to goad me into revealing more about myself, chastising me for being aloof with everyone. It takes time for me to be comfortable with anyone, which is natural right? I tried to get him to leave but he leans against the door and refused, looking at me with challenging eyes, smirking. But he grabs me and embraces me and we both notice how perfect the fit was. Kissing was inevitable, like the pull of the sun and moon on the ocean. No matter how much I tried to resist, he persisted.
“Why do you kiss me?” he asks.
“Curiosity,” wrong answer. He pushes me away, offended and makes to leave. But he lingers at the open door and I reach out to pull him back inside before I could even think. We sat down and for the first time, we addressed what we were doing. He doesn’t know what he wants because he was still upset with his breakup. I did not want a relationship. But he knew he liked me enough to pursue me, even when I rejected him, even when all I could say was ‘curiosity.’ My eye glitter with the knowledge that I upset him. I had power. I kissed him, wondering if he would resist. He doesn’t, he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me closer. We were all alone but it did not go further. There was too much confusion, too much power struggle, too much uncertainty. What was the foundation of everything?
Summer came and we saw each other sparingly. But when we did, we clashed with all the fervor of lovers. When he came over, usually self invited, we sit down politely, sharing banter. But we always ended up in battle. I tried to keep him off but he would eventually physically overpower me. We kissed with anger, resentment, longing, passion. Sensuality soon followed
with him looking down at me, I felt shy. “You’re beautiful,” he murmurs before dipping his head to my chest. I struggle to get away and to get closer. His hands always returned lovingly to my face. Is that absurd? How deep did our feelings run? I know I waged emotional battle against myself to remain aloof, did he?
“Does this make us friends with benefits?” I ask.
“Why do you need a label?” I did not respond because I did not want to be vulnerable. Temporary relief was all we allowed ourselves. We did not see each other again until school started in late September. |  |
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