Should I cringe at the thought of him?
Or wipe my face as tears are shed?
Do I question his motives & hurt myself more
to soothe these insecurities
Do I cherish the moments we shared
to forget the moments he's sharing with her?
Is it wrong to believe that our love was real?
knowing that it was based on a lie
multiple lies?
Should I submit to change
in the hope that he might return?

I sit here, just thinking
thinking of everthing
life, love, him, happiness
He brought me happiness,
he made me laugh
I made him smile

How can I stop?
Make time stop
so I can stop pressing rewind in my head
replaying moments that signify loss
A loss that once was, but will never be
If time could change && erase
then moments that were once
the only moments
could pass with ease

but sadness depicts vision
the video in my head starts to play
a roll of film etched into my brain
taunting with memories long gone..
forgotton almost - almost

Is it selfish or conceited
to think about me
in all of this
to blame him for the

break...
split...
Untogetherness... ?

If hurt could hurt more than pain
than I've what's left of it
it stole my heart..
ripped and chewed at it
incessant with it's purpose
to leave it's mark
to scar

Dilemma is paramount
it resonates through this place
situation lies exposed
& amidst the ruin
remains loves' taint
immoveable
scant, but still present

Where is the cure that could fix this,
this disease that's left me senseless
rotting within,

the tears fall
and the hurt rolls over me in waves -
my own weakness makes me want to hurl

hopeless..

pathetic

teetering on the edge.

I 

wait

hope

pray

that he'd come back..

&& why would I want that?

why else?

Loneliness sucks..

Written & (co) by Roselie Luafutu