You sound like a very strong person at such a young age.
Sorry you had to go through something so difficult to face and to understand.
I don't think I would be able to go on.
Few people ever meet that one special love and those like you who have had that, even briefly, you know what love really is.
I for one believe that love goes on after death because love is one of the strongest forces and it defies time and space
Yes it was a very tough thing to go through and I appreciate your comment. Joshua was my first love. Unfortunately he committed a horrible act such as suicide. I tend to express my feelings through writing because I have yet to learn how to express them through actions. I cry all the time, but tears don't show much besides pain. I wanted to show my love for him.
There must be a lot of pain associated with a suicide in particular but it is so sad for anyone so young to die, no matter what the circumstance. You did express love and you must find some comfort in that you experienced love.
I don't know how he could have left you like he did. I would imagine you would be a reason to stay in life. When I read your story and looked at your photo standing next to him you looked happy. But when I looked at the photo looked at you and saw a beautiful young woman. That brought me back to a time of first loves and I felt tears for both you, your story, your sadness...but also for personal feelings of love lost. I've been thinking about this...what hurts in life is that you can never go back to happy times in life. Only so in memories and sometimes these memories, once happy, provide only sadness against the harsh reality we're now facing. Then I looked again and I saw in you a beautiful girl who has learned so many hard things at once and I had this feeling: You're strong.....you understand life and its fragile nature...You're young.... You have a reason (you just have to be open to it).... You're going to have a happy and full life. When we face things we just don't understand, it can be crushing. We lose all our faith in things and we might even turn from God. My own advice is to take this time to begin to see the little things in life. Talk to God. Do not curse him for this sadness. Put yourself in his hands to guide you through this difficult time. There are reasons for things....we don't always see them at once. But with faith, you'll begin to find some peace.
Hope the new year brings you healing, happiness and joy.
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