For ages I've wanted to love someone. To give all of me, heart mind soul to that one person. Give it all up, sacrifice everything I've accumulated over the years and worked for to just, love and to be loved in return. I've been through an awful lot in my life and never thought I'd be able to get out of the mire that I was in, my whole world just seemed to cave in on me and I was surrounded by all my insecurities and sorrows and hurt/pain constantly 24/7 round the clock. It was a constant.Followed me round everywhere. I truly believed I needed someone to love me in order for me to get out of that self pitying head up my ass world. I was so consumed by all the things that were wrong in my life that I couldn't  see all the good things that were happening around me. My whole life changed since then, I was once shy and reserved and pretty much a tight ass, scared to take the plunge into the unknown, afraid to get hurt, kept thinking that all the bad things happening to me was what I deserved for being who I was. I've realised now that it happened for a reason. Those events, no matter how heartbreaking. sad and tragic were detrimental. I have healed. And am no longer bitter and angry at the world for my problems. I'm not much of a touchy feely person and have had those awkward moments where people lean in for the hug and I'm just standing there and end up being caught in a weird embrace, tap on the back thingy.It's funny really. I'm over the whole sadness phase, I've learned that love works in miraculous ways, and you don't need to be loved by someone to feel better about yourself. I have not found love yet and I don't know if I will, I still have big trust issues and find that the people you love and trust most in the world have a habit of making you regret you ever loved or trusted them in the first place. I love watching people who are in love and reading novels about stuff like that cause it makes me happy seeing them happy. Laughter and music is no doubt my medicine to a real shit day. But other than that meeting new people and extending my network of friends is good and enlightening, I like listening to other peoples stories that they share and can relate in some way or the other. I think love chooses people, cause sometimes you can't help who you fall in love with, it just happens, right? I can't wait till that happens. Until then, I'm all sweet with just being me and enjoying each day as it comes.