last night i caught him sneaking out of bed at 5:30 AM.
so i stayed so quiet and pretended to be asleep.
sounds of him on the computer
rose me from my fake slumber.

i tried to sneak up, to see what he was doing
but the house was so quiet and he heard right away.
i burst into the room with a "what the hell are you doing?!"
he stands up with that innocent look he tries to pull.

i am enraged. he can only be doing one thing,
this sneakily, this weirdly.
talking to her again.

im yelling, he's denying.
i'm crying, he's hitting the wall with his fist...

i tell him i'm leaving,
he begs me to stay.
he tries to hold me,
i just pull away.

he swears he was checking his downloads...
he falls back asleep

and i go look at the history..
no ex-gf's profiles
or love letter confessions.

just good ol' free porn clips
some little blonde girl playing with herself..

i'm still kinda pissed.
it's not like we don't have sex pretty much every day
(or more lol)

so obviously he's bored of me.
and a new hole is added to our walls.

this morning i apologize
and so does he.
he tells me he couldn't sleep,
it was just something to do
(my, how male).
but how unlike him -
to not treasure his precious sleep.
especially at 5:30 in the morning.
what got him so excited in those dreams of his?

i tell him how inadequate i feel
and he says
"i wouldn't trade you for anything, not even for unlimited real sex with all the girls on those sites."
so i overreacted, as usual.