 | Oh God, where do I begin?
I can’t pretend I’m strong
I’m sorry to let myself down
But I can’t keep hanging on.
It kills me to feel the tears
Streaming down upon my cheeks
It kills me to declare
Maybe I’m being too weak
I’m sorry for cheating myself
Where is myself, God?
Hate him, love him, or forget him
Where is the truth, God?
I love him too much
Worrying, trying so hard
That I hurt myself
Fitting words with feelings, becoming a bard
I claim that I love him too much
I concoct stories and weave dreams
Against my inner voice
Against my stifled conscience’ screams
I claim that he loves me as much
As I am shaking, succumb into delusion
Give him all benefit of the doubt
And build up the confusion
Two long years and here I am
I’ve hoped, I’ve believed, I’ve prayed
But still sitting in my own cellar, crying out loud
God, how did I’ve gone astray?
I got a heart bruise upon my skin
Where he embraced me tightly last time
And I got a heart crack within my body
Where he stabbed me deeply last time
God, I’ve learned to forgive and forget
I’ve learned to look past his exterior
I’ve even learned to love him
But what I haven’t learned is how to let him go
I’ve gone insane over him
How can I move on from this lust?
Sinful lust, I happily reside
Hopeful lust, I blindly trust
He makes me smile with his presence
And I admit what a fool I’ve became
To believe, to fall again, to deny my judgment
All for his wild heart that can’t be tamed
Every touch of him stings
Aches to the heart, evaporates the soul
I’m getting restless
As the same time I extol
He has changed since the day we met
For the better, for my sake
Just to think I was the reason
Wishful thought but I hope it isn’t fake
He’s uncommitted, I understand
But I’m not expecting or waiting for it
So God, since my feelings first started
Prove me right, even just a bit
Loving him, through heartache and tears
Missing him, through words and his singing
Hating him, through everything he place upon me
Another year and the clock is still ticking…
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