I know I can sometimes be cold..

Or at least not as open as I could be with you..

But that’s because I don’t like getting too attached to people, especially a Boy..

You tell me all these nice things, you tell me you like me..

And I like you, I just don’t want to get dependent on you..

If I’m being honest, I’m trying not to fall for you, because I don’t want to get hurt..

I sometimes think Love is a weakness and when you fall under,

your pretty much gone for good..

You have no control over your feelings or actions anymore..

I’m already in Love with my Boyfriend..

I’m already under..

Already gone..

But now.. Bits of my heart long for your voice.. For your hugs..

And that’s why I sometimes delay our meetings..

Because I want to save myself from going under a second time..

For having my heart belong to two Boys..

Two very different Boys..

With two very different strategies..

I care for you so much but I don’t like admitting:

That I need your phone calls to get me through the day..

I don’t like admitting:

That I smile at almost every sentence you say..

And that I think about all the good times we’ve had together.

I’m sorry if I make you feel like I don’t care..

But remember, it’s because I do care.. I care a lot about you

and this is why I am the way that I am to you.

I don’t want to get too close to you because I know the minute

I let you in and I mean really in.. I’m fucked.

I may as well give you a Gun and tell you to shoot me..

It’s not that I don’t trust you, I do.. But every Boy, every single Boy that I’ve fallen for..

Has let me down, has hurt me, has promised me the World and then left me..

What I’m trying to say..

Is that I don’t want to let you completely in because whenever I do that..

I get hurt.. And I don’t want you to be another one of my sad stories..

To be another one of my heart breakers, to be another fucking Liar..

So please.. Try and understand that this is why I sometimes act the way I do..

I’m just scared..



[I Wrote This About I Boy Who I Cared Deeply For.. I Wrote It A Few Months Ago And He Told Me On Saturday That He Doesn't Wanna Talk To Me Anymore.. I Guess I Was Right Not To Let Him In.. Except I Did In The End.. And Now I'm Fucked Over.. Again..)