When you’ve been cheated on, you feel so useless, so insecure, like its all your fault, because you didn’t satisfy them enough to make them stay.
I’m not just talking about physical cheating either, someone can cheat on you emotionally, that’s when they start to have feelings for someone else and that can sometimes be worse..
And when that happens to you, you think to yourself:
What could I have done differently?
What did she give you that I couldn’t?
What can I do to make you want me?
What can I say to make you see that I’m the one for you?
That I’m the one that loves you.. No matter what?
And even when everyone warned me that you would do this to me,
I still stayed. Praying that they would be wrong, praying that they just misunderstood you, praying that you loved me,
and when it was finally proven that they had been right all along..
It killed me, it broke me inside.
I felt so unwanted, so unloved, so ugly, so worthless..
Why would a guy like you, ever want a girl like me?
I should have known I wasn’t enough for you..
I should have guessed that all those awkward silences,
that all those times that you acted like you didn’t care..
Was because you didn’t want me..
You were just biding your time until you got the girl of your dreams,
until you got what you REALLY wanted..
And I’m sorry that it wasn’t me that you wanted..
I’m sorry that I made you want more..
I never felt good enough for you..
I could see I loved you more than you loved me.
I would look over at you and think how lucky I was to have you
And when you looked back and smiled at me,
I felt like the luckiest girl in the world
and I would lie to myself and think that maybe you did want me,
that maybe you did love me and that maybe they were all just wrong about you..
I would have done ANYTHING for you!
Why did you have to hurt me so bad?
I needed you, I loved you, I gave you EVERYTHING!
I gave you my WHOLE heart.
I’ve not loved many boys so it was a big deal when I let you into my heart and you threw it right back in my face.
Did hurting me make you happy?
Did knowing that I wish I was dead make you smile?
Do you get a kick out of watching me crumble?
Did you like watching me change EVERYTHING about myself to make YOU want me?..
So that I could be: The PERFECT Girl for YOU.
It never occurred to me that I shouldn’t have to change my looks or my personality for a guy, you should have loved me for me..
But you didn’t, did you? And you never would have..
I was just convenient for you, there to fill in your boredom.
I always thought you might flirt with other girls, always had my suspicions.
I just didn’t investigate them because I didn’t want to know the truth..
I didn’t want to know that you talked to other girls more than me,
I didn’t want to know that you fancied other girls and fantasized about being with them.
I DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW THAT I MEANT FUCKING NOTHING TO YOU!
And I hope that one day you’ll regret hurting me,
because I’ll be paying for it for a very very long time.
Maybe one day you’ll be in my shoes and have the girl of your dreams,
treat you like she don’t need you and maybe then
you can understand how it feels to be me..
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