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desparately need some advice

 

desparately need some advice!

I am soon to be 20 years old.  I am not a very big party person. I am very ambitious. I am very mature for my age because I am youngest of four by 12 years. Recently, one of my friends was killed in a car wreck and it made me realize that life is taken for granted every day, and there is nothing more in this world that I want than a family. Also, my dad recently went into cardiac arrest and I thought he had died in my arms, luckily, he survived it but may not be lucky enough next time.  I didn't know but one of my grandmothers, out of the 2 sets of grandparents, and I don't want my kids to miss out on grandparents too because I see how well our parents treat their grandchildren. I have been dating my boyfriend for 7 years, with about a year on and off break.  I am very much in love with him, and the feeling is mutual, I am very sure of it. We do not have our own place because I have been working out of town, but we plan to get our own place in the next few weeks. I recently thought I was pregnant, but it turned out that it was not so. He was very hurt and upset. Ever since, he has been begging me to have a baby.  I really do want one, and financially we can support a kid.  I have also budgetted in a 2 bedroom apartment, plus all the bills that come with it.  I babysit all of our nieces and nephews, friends kids and so on, but I am ready to have one of my own, to take care of by ourselves and look at it and know that he and I created such a beautiful thing.  Only problem is, I am very close to my family, I care very much about what they think and their feelings, but my mom, knowing how much I love kids and how great of a mother I am going to be, does not think that I need a child in my life right now. Yet, my sister has one baby, and another on the way that she is not sure who the father is, and my brother has 2 kids by 2 different women, which one he is married to. Neither of them planned any of their kids, nor were they with their baby's mama/daddy for longer than 2 months when they found out they were going to be parents. Neither of them spend very much time with their kids, because usually either I have them or my mom has them.  So why is it ok for them to be in situations like that, but it is not ok for me to settle down and have a baby with someone I have been with for so long? She says that while I am in college pursuing my psychology degree that I will meet someone else.  She wants me to marry into money so if anything were to ever happen to me, he would be able to support me and take care of me.  My boyfriend has a job, its not the best, but brings in enough money to take care of a family. I am a very independent person, and don't like relying on others, especially when I can take care of myself.  I would just like some advice because I don't want to disappoint my mom, but I am ready to start my family with the one that I love.  I have enough ambition to finish college as soon as the baby gets old enough to put in a daycare.  Am I just being impatient or is it ok to start my family now?

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morninglight
morninglight
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You've gone through all these scenarios in such a way that you're leading everyone to the conclusion you wish (a green light to have a baby...you even dissed your sister and implied that dad may not live to see YOUR child)....Some might call this manipulation!
But you're an aspiring Psychology student...wonderful! Then why are you allowing you boyfriend to beg for a child...he's manipulating you now.

But of your Dad.....do you want to give him that heart attack? Then have a kid out of wedlock...that will do it!

And you mom....has she done such a terrible job that you wish to rush and shun her good advice (the only thing she's wrong about is marrying into money). That won't make you happy.....just make life easier.

But your mom is exactly right. In college you're going to be exposed to more people. You're going to get your degree and you'll be a little older and wiser. Traditionally people break up before going to college and there is a good reason for that: FREEDOM....Freedom to find out who you really are and to explore. IF you're let's say 18 and you've been dating this guy for 7 years...that means you were about 11 years old.....that's not a relationship....that's puppy love! I'll bet he's a few years older too.

So it sounds like I'm being harsh but I'm really trying to give you some positive advice. Which is: Mother knows best!!

Trust others on this: Your perception of things is likely to change dramatically in the next 5 years. There is no rush to having kids these days. Most people are now waiting until their 30s.....to have some fun...enjoy life a little, become more established, settled and to give their kids a better life.

Sorry I didn't see it the way you were leading or if it sounded harsh. It's your life....do what you feel....but consider the others. A mother would never knowingly give "Bad" advice....consider that!
 
bballchyck23
bballchyck23
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please don't say sorry, I put this on here to get advice and have some people that don't know me and my whole life and wouldn't be influenced in any kind of way to say a certain thing. This is exactly what I needed. I really do appreciate it.
 


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