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There Is Only Me


Alias: Part 1

I was already jaded when he met me. Having found out how cruel and cold the world can be by the age of 16.
So self consious and unsure of who i was in the world.

That night i was out with friends, my mom had told me not to bother comming home because i chose to stay out instead of babysitting for her. I was so adamant about going to that party because this super sexy new guy i had spent the past night with was supposed to meet me there. 
We gathered at the park before heading towards whosever house our host happened to be at that night. Happy to be free, i breathed the air, my belly filling with excitement at the thought of kissing him. 

Dusk settled over top of us, creating an electric atmosphere. And there was Ace. He stood so casually, surveying the scene around him while chatting loosely. I was semi drawn to him but couldn't let myself be fully distracted from my excitement. A few minutes later he was introducing himself to me. My first thought was "eyes". He has these big brown eyes that make my body melt, like chocolat with honey flecks.
And now we're headed to pile into someone's car. I'm flattered that he wants to walk with me, talk to me. So i give him some attention back. Flicking my hair and giggling lightly. we chat about music and school, light topics. I like how conversation flows with him. He gets me.

Now everyone is piling in and i find myself in the trunk of a random car, smushed against this boy names Alias ("but everyone calls me Ace"). I look at him just as he turns to me and we shared a special smile. And that was our first moment i think. The smile that played on his lips warmed my chilled being, and something stirred. Oh i never saw it comming.

Now I'm climbing out of the car. Adjusting my outfit, i also silently adjust my priorities. With my mind on Troy I set out on a mission.
I find a wasted kid who doesn't really seem to remember me. After spending ten minutes trying to communicate with him, i storm away, thoroughly pissed off. Once again í thought someone was wonderful and they werent thinking of me at all. Because i really didnt fucking matter. Thats what it came down to.

And there he was. "Wanna smoke a joint?" he asks, sparkling eyes and all.

"This is everything i need right now" i remember thinking to myself. And it was. A few tokes and some attention from someone who i knew wanted me. If only for the night then so be it. That's how life was for me anyways, might as well make the best out of it i figured. 
Outside we stood too close together, sharing a cigarrette. And i let him know a bit about my life. Just the psycho mom part cause it was fresh on my mind after our argument that night. We realize that our houses are on the same road, only about a block away actually. He asks me if i want to come over. Smiling, i look up at him, "lets get outta here" i answered.

We walked. For two hours, and i talked the whole time (it's a talent of mine). Telling him all about life and my opinions of it. He was so easy to be around. I couldn't remember the last time where i wasn't analyzing every single second of my life either. We got to his place with rosy cheeks and cold fingers. He held mine between his hands to warm them up.

After finding out that i had never seen Star Wars before he insisted that we watch the first episode. He begins piling blankets on the floor. Tossing me a pillow he says "you can have my bed". Confusion. He didn't want to fuck me? What then, was he doing with me here, in his room?
"Oh," I falter, "I don't want you to have to sleep on the floor!", "No worries"  he replies, "I dont mind". "Well at least come watch the movie up here" I laugh, patting the space beside me. He smiles and flicks the lights off. I shiver with nervous energy as he lays down beside me.

Im so aware of his chest moving up and down, his arm beside mine, the heat swelling around him. (Not at all aware of star wars). I move myself subtly closer, testing the water. His breathing quickens just by half a second. Then his foot finds mine under the blankets and now its my heart thats beating fast. Suddenly i'm staring into those eyes, and he leans towards me, oh my god, his lips on mine. It's like i have never been alive before.

And he's so gentle with me. Hands lingering where they want to, greedily touching everything. I had no idea that it could be this. Like love. Afterwards he held me, one hand intwined in my hair. I fell asleep truly relaxed for the first time i think. Glowing with that safe feeling that he gives me, and i knew i would never want to let this go.



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You write very honestly and nicely. Ahh, being young and carefree....priceless!
But warning....danger.....warning: Too bad they don't last

Be good to your mom. The parents do suffer and one day the tables will be turned and you'll have to rethink your world.

You remind me of someone.
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thank you for the feed back, i enjoy writing, its a definate release that i've only recently discovered. i feel like i lose my carefree-less-ness more each day...

they dont last : never truer words spoken, i dont think anything really does.

: ) thanks again

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