She once told me that if there is
anybody whom I should feel insecure about it should be Ahmed, her ex. She’s
crazy about him. She cried for him day & night. I was able to read all her
emails asking him to come back to her, she even asked him to run away with her,
literally. Darn, she really chased that guy. Even on her blog if you read it
you would know how much he wants him. Sad story though coz Ahmed went to marry
a fellow Egyptian. And another complication is he is Muslim while Kyle is
Christian. Although Kyle expressed desire to convert to his religion things
still did not work out. For he claims that she is her weakness, his
relationship with her challenges his Muslim principles and he continued to break
them while he is with her. He even made love to her which is a serious offense
for Muslims. So he needed to let her go and marry a Muslim girl instead.

I used to wonder if she would
ever love me like that. I used to ask myself if she would chase me like the way
she chased Ahmed. Well, my wondering is over because I have all the answers
now. And the irony of it is Ahmed is back in the picture. She told me that her
brother -in-law will be employing Ahmed. And that he is going to be my boss.
Oh, by the way, did I mention that she used to call him Boss? *sigh*. Looks
like I need to find a new job.

Things are quickly falling apart
for me & Kyle. I know I’m going to miss her and her crazy ways. I made
myself believe that it’s going to be forever. Looks like I never learned my
lesson. This is why I hate to make long term plans. Because every time I do
they never seem to work out. Now I’m even more convinced that I really should
never make any arrangements for this stupid life. Don’t make plans! Just live
each day as it is! Coz when you do you will only hurt more!

Now I need to ask myself what the
sleepless nights were for. Why did I go through all the trouble just to end up
empty handed? Why the heck did I have to ruin my almost peaceful life? Why did
I have to be lied to, cheated upon and be humiliated in public several times? What
the fuck is all that for? I guess I know the answer…all those sweat, blood,
agony and tears were for a chance…just one chance to be finally happy and
complete. All those were for a chance to find direction in this erring life.
All those were for a chance to find…peace.

Sadly, I failed.