They
say absence makes the heart grow fonder. True. But very few people realize that
prolonged absence actually kills love. Love never dies a natural death. It dies
of betrayals, neglect and of course isolation. But let me reiterate what
absence really means. In my opinion it is merely not the lack of physical
manifestation but rather the essence or substance. It likes being there but not
really being there. It’s like saying things that you don’t actually mean. It’s
like being with the person just for the heck of it without really meaning to be
with that person. It’s like saying I love you to somebody and yet never failing
to do hurtful things to that person. And that sucks.

With
regards to Kyle, I find nourishment at the mere sight of her. But these days,
somehow, it’s not just quite enough. I don’t understand why I can only be with
her 30 minutes for each day, I don’t understand why she needs to have a curfew
and needed to rush home every time, I don’t understand why we can only go out
and sleep together on Thursdays, I don’t freaking understand why the fuck her
message counter never tallies with the actual registered sent and received
messages. Something’s wrong here and I don’t have to be a freakin’ rocket
scientist to know that. The bottom line is I just want to be with her. Not only
for 30 minutes each day, not only every Thursday. I want to be with her every
moment of each passing day. Is that so hard to understand? Why is it so hard
for some people to see that I’ve fallen for her completely? Why is there a need
to suppress what we have??

Can’t
help but wonder that maybe I’m the only one who’s in love in this relationship.
Maybe she doesn’t really love me at all. Or maybe she’s trying to tell me that
she has grown tired of me and that she wants out and I’m just being stubborn to
realize it. It grieves me to be so near and yet so far from you Kyle. Every
moment you are away is like an arrow through my weary heart. And it’s a quiver
full of arrow. Stop watching me die I beg of you. Come and ease my pain.