 | Many people see what I seem to be but only some know who I am. Most of the people that sorround me think I can face anything that I fear nothing. Through the years I have learned how to hide my true self.I have been hurt, disappointed and betrayed. I was always crying in the inside. My soul is always reaching out for someone. I never wanted to be like this. I want to show the world who I really am. I want to show everybody that I also cry and that I also get scared. But I can't. Something inside me can't let go of the pain and those dreadful memories of my past. I know theres a lot of people out there who has suffered more than I do and yet they were able to let go and live happily. I just can't do it now. I can't let go of those burdens. My past taught me lessons that up to now I don't understand.
Everday I feel like I'm slowly dying. I am just so numb. I can smile and laugh but that doesn't mean I'm happy. I am scared that I will never get the chance to experience life again. I'm scared that I may not be able to trust and love again. Everytime I am close to trusting or loving someone I push them away. I don't want to go through the same pain I went through before because maybe this time I won't be able to make it through. I don't want someone to walk out on me again. So before they do that I walk out on them. If there's anyone who has the right to hurt me - it's me. I have been playing a tease, devil's advocate. I know it's not right but It makes me feel good. I like to think that I can control people's emotions. It's my way of coping up with my emotions slow and painful death.
I know in my heart I want to meet someone, could be a friend or more, that would stay even If tell them to leave. Someone who will follow me when I walk out of their lives. Someone who will say "everything's going to be okey", someone who will teach me how to trust people again and someone who will love me unconditionally. I have so much to give I just don't know how to share.
Written by Honnei
Submitted by Honnei |  |
LOADING