 | I have had a lot of that has happened in my life where I wish that I could go back and change but just learned to accept it and move on. But if I could go back on one thing in my life with God forgiveness is ever allowing you to come into my life. I was fine with the seven years you wasn't around but at my lowest peak that I thought at the time you were the only one that seemed to be there although I was surrounded by everyone. I had no one to turn to and I felt you took me in.I thought making a big change in my life would turn things around. They did but for the worse. Everything seemed to be greener on your side rather than the life I was living at first but then I began to see your true colors. You manipulated me, you caused me so much pain by feeding my head with lies of my loved ones. You made me turn my back on the person that was the only one ever there for me through everything. You made me fill up with so much anger that all it ever ended up being was lies, lies, and lies.
I hurt people that I loved and adored. I hurt the people that cared for me and I bowed down to those that never gave a sh*t about me. When I thought that I was finally opening my eyes thinking I was coming to the sense of not ever letting anyone walk all over me there was no such thing. No one ever walked over me I was changing for the worse. I was becoming someone that I never wanted to end up being someone like you. You were never there you just wanted me there so you could pretend you were the better one.
When I was finally beginning to be happy with things you turned them all around and made things miserable for me. I really thought that you were the greatest but I was definitely wrong. I found out the hard way of your dark side. You hurt me so much that you will never know in this life time. I don’t ever want to see you again or speak to you. The words you threw at me about myself and people I love more than anything in this world cut me deep. Those cuts will heal but the scars will always be there and remind me of what happened. Those words can never be taken back nor will I ever try to forget.
It makes me so angry how you turned out and made people go against me because of your lies that I will never forget as well. Someone said to you that you were pathetic and a coward, I believe those words very strongly. Those words weren’t said to you out of hatred, they were told to you out of honesty. Open your eyes, the world will never revolve around you. Continue to be the way you are and it will come back at you. To me you aren’t really missing out on anything as far as dealing with my life and likelihood. But there is something, someone so precious to me and someone else that means the world to us that you will never be a part of it doesn’t make me sad that you aren’t in my life anymore. You chose to have it that way and I stuck with that decision but it does make me sad that you are going to miss out on a new life to begin and you won’t be there I won’t allow you to ever be there.
I know in my heart that I will never be like you, your words, and your actions. I will never make someone feel so low and unimportant like you made me feel. You may think one day and want to kindle a relationship back but by then I know it will be too late because it’s too late now. I don’t regret the long talks we had about life and what makes us happy. But what I do regret is ever allowing you in my heart and life. You hurt me so much and disappointed me over and over. I’ve never been first in your life, I’ve always been a comparison and always got seconds, yet I never did anything to deserve that. I’ll leave it at this but the one question that lingers in my head
Is will you ever own up to the expectations of being a real “Father”.
Written by Lisa M. Aman
Submitted by Lisa M. Aman |  |
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