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Georgina Howells's blog

 

Hurting Me

I don’t know where to start
All I know is you tore me apart
Messed me around and broke my heart
I don’t know why and I don’t think I want to
But I know that’s what you intended to do
This pain is hard and I don’t know how to cope
Maybe I should just hang there from rope
Would you be happy if I was dead?
That’s what I feel to do and die in bed
A girl of 15 overdosed they’ll say
That will be the gossip of the day
One tablet then 3 and 4
Here I am on the floor
I need some one to help me
But death is all I can see
I don’t want to hurt my granddad
I don’t want to see him sad
But this is how you make me feel
Depressed so lonely and ill
Everyone thinks I’m doing fine
Been depressed since the age of nine
Why don’t you love me like before
I’m you babes not no wh*re
Reached for my bag
Taken the first tablet don’t feel so bad
Soon ill have a bath and make myself bleed
This is not for attention it’s a need
This is the story of how I died
No police report no-one lied
I’m sitting here crying I got to say goodbye
Granddads on the sofa I don’t want him to cry
I gave you the cold shoulder because I don’t want to see you let go
You’ve moved on and I know
Why won’t god take me and make me smile
I’ve been trying to die for a while
My thought is sore and dry
I can’t stop crying even though I try
Second tablets gone
I’m going to hell where I belong
It’s only two and I’ve don’t this before but I feel sick
I wonder what people will say “that girls thick”
Just a few more hundred and ill be done
No more sadness just some fun
Tell Luke he means a lot to me and I want to got Thorpe Park
And get drunk in the dark
But I guess it wont happened because ill be dead
I mean everything I’ve said
My memory is starting to go
Oh well f*ck it ill go with the flow
Third ones done could hardly keep it down
I want people to be happy and not be sad and frown
Think of wifey madness as a clown
I’m starting to shake
The rooms all dark and I feel like I’m in an earthquake
I’m getting cold
I want some here to hold
If Debi was here I would b fine
She’s my baby and only mine
I don’t want to see her upset
She’s the best girl I’ve ever met
And as for my youngah madness she’s just great
A sister to me and a best mate
Went to the toilet my belly hurts
Looked in the mirror I look like dirt
I cleaned my face dry
Don’t see the point I still want to cry
I been drinking all day and night
Maybe I should go out look for a fight
I feel abit stupid now but must carry on
Going to hell where I belong
Got to say bye to snoopy and tell her ill miss her she’s my star
Ill still be with you baby I wont be far
The tears are C*mming and I’m going to take another
Fourths one gone it’s for you lil brother
I can feel it in the back of my thought
I’m so cold I need a coat
I wish it could be quicker
I wish it could be easier
My emotions are everywhere
Everywhere I go there always there
Got a idea ill watch myself on camera
Everyone will say g’s dead rah
Wonder what Danielle will say
Good reddens and good day
Wonder who rung me up tonight
Went to tescos but they was out of sight
I need to take these tablets quick
I know how to do it I’m not thick
I’m feeling tiered ill have a fag and go to bed
Hopefully in the morning ill be dead
Just a few more pills
Love kills
Its twenty past three
Why don’t you want me?
I’m on my fifth
Didn’t think id feel like this
Might as well take my 6 n 7
Maybe then ill go to heaven
Wonder if kayleigh will be waiting for me
She’s someone I wouldn’t mind to see
Stuarts starting to ask questions why though he doesn’t care
He never comes to see me when I’m sad his never there
Just taken number 6
Don’t know why but I feel sick
My body’s gone numb
I can’t cry I just feel dumb
Stuarts clocked and starting to understand
I wont tell him nothing his a man
I need number seven before its too late
I want to die before my granddad leaves for work or its bait
Snoopy looks so cute on the floor she’s the best
She understands me unlike the rest
I know she knows what I’m doing and it’s hurting me
She’s the one I love and need
Gave her a stroke and a poke in the eye
I don’t want to say goodbye
Because now I’m starting to cry
I laid with her gave her a hug
She just walked off I feel like a mug
Why am I doing this to her
My vision is going blurry
I’m seeing things walk past that are furry
I’m going to take number 7 and 8
I wonder how many people remember this date
Will they make a song about me?
Like they did for cally
I don’t know if I can do this
I didn’t even get one last kiss
I wonder if ill be missed
I just told Stuart the truth about it all
Couldn’t keep it in I feel so ill
I got to carry on
Just a few more and ill be gone
Just took one more
Swallowed my sick so it didn’t go on the floor
I’m starting to fill fine
Maybe I should take another one and make it nine
First ill have a fag
I need to grow up and stop being a drag



Written by Georgina Howells


Submitted by Georgina Howells
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