 | My life was a dismal shade of grey,
finding myself and where I needed to be I would seldom pray.
You walked into my life and gave me a hand,
giving me the strength I needed to understand.We shared laughs and hours of conversation and tears,
reminiscing about all of our younger years.
There wasn’t a thing we wouldn’t do for one each other,
when we were seen it was usually with one another.
Then we started to drift apart,
and that’s when the trouble began to start.
My love for you was still the same,
but it grew fonder when he came.
I saw the opening you had inside of you,
and had faith you knew what you would do.
I begged you for hours to open your eyes,
to stop believing his hopeless lies.
His ways and words overpowered you,
and that’s when I didn’t know what to do.
I saw you hurting almost each and everyday,
but you always forgave him no matter what I’d say.
I saw the bad slowly become a whole,
and the violence took over your soul.
I remained as long as I could,
but why you took it I still never understood.
We were like sisters attached by separate souls,
but our lives demanded us different roles.
When I left you I thought it was the only option I had,
I couldn’t bear seeing you so sad.
I wanted to be there for you no matter what,
but I had that horrible pain in my gut.
Once I left you that day I wasn’t the same,
I felt if something happened to you I’d be the blame.
I was supposed to protect you, never leaving your side,
and I promised you, you’d never be denied.
But I never called or came back around,
and his ways and words you again found.
When I heard what was done,
I wanted to go to you I wanted to run,
but I was too late, the damage was done.
He ruined my life, he took a part of me,
he took a part of our entire family.
I’ve lived in grief and will always have this pain,
the tears come and go like falling rain.
You will always remain a part of my life,
it’s a shame that what I have left cuts like a knife.
Memories allow me to go on and see the next day through,
but I will never be complete until I am again with you.
I have to tell you I am so sorry I was not there,
I wish I had been more aware.
I wish I could have told you how I truly felt,
but who knew the cards I was going to be dealt.
My time ran out before I was able,
now I’m left to feel like I’m living a fable.
A short story of something you could only read,
but it’s accepting it that is truly hard indeed.
There are no words to describe the pain I hold inside.
I wish I could wake up from this horrible nitemare,
but when I awake again you are still not there.
It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through,
saying goodbye is even harder to do.
I began this to tell you I was sorry, to give myself closure,
to keep me from losing my mind, but it falls short of a cure.
Nothing will ever be the same,
and I wish somehow I could believe I was not to blame.
God has a plan for us even when we are unaware,
but the pain I have, I believe noone else shares.
I’ve learned that no matter where you are,
your never to far.
My prayers are never consistent but always inside,
and will always be until the day I have died.
I needed to rebuild my faith, and find my way
and somehow I manage that more and more everyday.
So I guess what I am trying to tell you, is that I’m sorry
for not always being there for you,
and thanking you for everything you do.
When my time here on earth is done,
it will be my turn to run.
It will be then I will have closure for my heart,
for then we will no longer be apart.
In some ways I wish I could join you to be freed,
but the more I think of that it’s just out of greed,
because no matter when, where and who death causes pain and it shows,
why it has to be this way noone knows.
But losing you has left me to conclude this
I will go on, I will be strong, but you will forever be sadly missed.
Thank you for everything you taught me,
everything you helped me to see,
thank you for letting me set your soul free.
Because by saying goodbye now, at least until again I see your face,
I know your in a much better place.
I love you with all my heart, more than I ever let it show,
this is just everything I wanted you to know.
Sadly Missed, and loved for eternity.
Love your Cousin,
Rachel
Written by Rachel Kennedy
Submitted by Rachel Kennedy |  |
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