 | I made a terrible mistake, and it starts with the fact that I'm so 'new' to love/relationships. I can be very antisocial at times, and truthfully I've never had a relationship. This is why I found it so easy to fall for a guy with a girl friend. It started out with me not even having a clue about her existence, but even when I found out she seemed so quiet and plain, that I found it easy to look over her. Plus, I was scheduled to move away in a few weeks. So what did I do but get the ball rolling and tell this guy I liked him. Horrible, horrible. Because he ended up revealing his own crush, and after we had our little bout of cheating and after I left town, it just kept on and on. We emailed, we text messaged, we talked on the phone, we were in contact every single day... For weeks. I tried to end it, but he kept pulling me back in. And so many things were said, until I went from nursing what I thought to be only a mild crush to feeling like he and I were truly connected. And that I completely and totally adored him. I thought about him throughout every day, and it's been months. I've thought about him, fantasized about him every single day; I’m not certain, but it's almost as if yes I'm in love.
But he's not going to leave her, and he's not going to move. He's grown very distant now, but me - I still feel exactly the same. I can so easily imagine us together, and I can vividly recall the way he last looked at me... The way we last talked. I know he would still care for me if I saw him, or at least that's what's kept me going as he's become harder and harder to get a hold of. But even then, even then, we might have our beautiful reunions here and there. It doesn't matter, he's with her and he's not going to leave. He's told me that in all but those exact words. I wish he'd understand that I'd completely worship him, that all the dissatisfaction he has with her would be completely erased if he came to be with me. But it's impossible, even after months of feeling bonded to him, I can't do anything to convince him to leave. It's such a terrible ache, this realization that we will always be apart. It kills me.
Written by sarasota
Submitted by sarasota |  |
LOADING