 | Submitted by Apostle Nega
E-mail: luki@dw.net.ua
I
Tonight I sensed the cry! This very night I cast the pain and grief aside and realized where the edge of the Universe is all on my own. Me, as the center of primeval world, me, as a boundless creature. Desperate impulse of heart and agitation of asphalted power… Suddenly it heaved and flew like a bluebird, caught up by currents of wind, or like a falling leaf open to whims of impetuous Boreas-wind. “Come and I will draw you all over with colors of nature which created the rainbow of the Universe!”
Give me a gulp of life with every new step in future. Burst into laugh, my dearest, fill up the brims of spiritual barrel.
Once I was there long ago – far from the skyline, I stole the sun rays and still have a hope to carry them as long as the Earth exists. So painful and hard it is for helpless creature to walk alone, so hard it is to seize and so easy to pass away. Like blade the knowledge is - sharp in absurd mind - and like World it is powerful.
Silence, pure as spring water, purls under the feet, ruins the stones.
“It seemed to me that I lived. Interesting? Could that be otherwise?”
“What are you dreaming about, my human? Feel nothing and get rid of thoughts though for a moment… I am tired, human, to gather the motes of your knowledge.”
“…do give me the eternity…”
Do give me the eternity, incorporeal eternal Power.
Show me the freedom in its perfect creation.
I must not imitate the faith of righteous world.
I’m not to live in the Universe, which is spoiled by human being.
Do give me the eternity and the knowledge…
II
I want to have a look into a boundless space; to lose the sense of life – does it exist yet? – to have an intimate talk with a soul –is it alive yet? – to see the new world, made by the fantasy, cast by the legends. Where are you? Hidden? In unfulfilled consciousness? How is it possible to reach it? Breaking the traditions. Waiting for You, Power!
In the infinity of Chaos the Universe was filled with the idea and the word was produced by it. And He created you - Human. You were in His pure lucid spirit, long before the creation, in the song of His existence, in immaterial space of the Chaos.
In little ditches of mighty Mind the stars, the planets, the parallel worlds are hidden. But you are too weak, my Human, to find an incognizable being.
A wind of sorrow rushed into the soul – breaking the harmony of song for just one moment, and having been vanished – distorted, having spat out the stern of hope. And I hope not to find the being on my life course; hope not to understand everything, but I will not surrender myself to the current of world’s spoiled views. What are you, the World of Hope and Life?
III
Once I did grasp the boundlessness (it is not true – those were only broken thoughts). I thought I reached some level – No – I fell, crushed by invisible and blissful feeling – it irritates men’s clear logic. It is too late.
I won’t be able to get back to seize the moment by its bare tail.
Words written in the book covered my eyes and the idea circles around and the way back.
I will never forget the silver beam of victory– the lie will be sacrificed by me. It’ll clear by the fire but won’t burn down to the ground, as it is doomed to live yet. And the truth will trail along at the back candidly smiling –the power’s in its hump – that’s why it is this much ugly.
The door of your soul, my human, is sealed with seven seals, and only tenacious fate and indefatigable time can change it into dust. Live the day for the moment, the year – for the day; change the harsh sound into the music, the cry of despair – into the dear voice. Having prinked the feathers, spread the wings of your heart; head your flight for the sunrays again and bring that light to the human once again. Don’t be afraid of titanic torments and be happy you’ve found the goal and the lost freedom eye to eye.
IV
Do you hear the song of your heart? No?! The mind got used to the curves of Fate. Is it lacking them yet?!!! The thought is in the air. Down and down the soul stretches to the ground – or maybe it’s the world’s fault? Or it’s just mossed and it’s eyes misted over with haze – human nature is guilty of everything – its constant view far into the future
“That’s why we created so many worlds, because it is impossible to live in this one, where beast of prey is hunting for the pleasure of the triumph but not for eating”.
The balance has been lost.
But the silence which is too much, bodes the coming of the tempest of sorrow and disaster. If only I were wrong in my premonitions.
Winter and cold is inside – even sorrow slid on its frozen tears. The heart beats steadily and the cloud let the hardly discernible thin ray in which with the help of vital power changes into a grand hot sun. Do shine for my Human, be eternally alive – as you are strong, and you hold the part of the might of the One Who created you. One more level is reached – I’m a happy person. Him and I have always been, we all have always and never been, as an idea existing outside the boundaries of time. We are not evil or good, we are just being! What is so interesting about our being? Those who have ever reflected on it – they build the heavens.
V
The blind form corrupted my-your thoughts, Human, dusted eyelids of heart, buried the truth under the downy concrete wall. The shadow of lie painted the sacred and righteous “I” with rotten paints. Human, oh, Human help me to gather the mosaic out of the dust of your knowledge. Cover my eyes, so I could see, torture me to death, so I could revive, resuscitate, slip out. I’m tired to create new worlds. I’m sick and tired of the world’s logic.
I drink from the spring of the Rainbow, which gives the life. I drink from the Rainbow of the World, which gives the knowledge. I drink to You, my Human, to life and death, as the existence, to Evil and Good, as the true constants – the Scales of logical coexistence of humans, to Prey and Hunter, as two great Powers, though not the greatest, “Psychos” and “Wise”, to hare and bear, duck, goose, human, lion, spider, mole, monkey,pond-skater... I drink to the Being.
Don’t listen to anyone, don’t listen to the advice of your heart, but to the music of the Space – where there is even no space, and time doesn’t flow, and light shines-shines not, and music changes into breath of eternity and God becomes closer, becomes you and you become Him and He is you, You are Him and He is You...
Where did you lose yourself, where did you lose Him (in what life)? – you will find, Not-There Not-Here but in Nowhere.
Go to the monastery of Pure Thought, light the candle of Pure Time, burst into laugh (my happiness) again and again, and laugh and rejoice to the bitter end, to the End of the World; fill the Brims of Mental Cask with your laughter.
How many lives are you going to live, my poor Human, to grab, to catch, to grapple the moment of Happiness. No! You are eager to feel the difference between the various feelings. Then capture the infinite experiences of your lives, note them in the testimonies of your, WHAT HAPPINESS is?
H-A-P-P-I-N-E-S-S – is E-X-P-E-R-I-E-N-C-E !!!
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